Friday, August 22, 2008

I've Made Up My Very Own Meme!

Every so often, someone tags me with a meme. When it happens, I both enjoy and abhor it (which is a pretty confusing trick, so I'll explain.)

I enjoy it because it's a compliment. The person who tagged me either likes me a lot, or thinks that what I'll have to say will be interesting, or possibly both. It also gives me a good option for filling blog space. I can natter on about nothing in particular, for a thousand words or so, with as much or as little detail as I desire. It's much easier than writing up an actual true story. When I do that, I have to get all the facts straight, record them in a linear fashion, and maybe even give attribution. An excuse to just make stuff up? I love it!

On the other hand, I abhor it because I always feel obligated to complete the task. As I've mentioned before, I hate being handed unasked-for obligations. And, if I decide not to do the meme, I feel guilty. I know that the person who tasked me with the completion of said meme was probably looking forward to reading my take on it.

So, having explained to you my position on the meme, I will now tell you that I've decided to make up one of my own. And I'm going to tag a bunch of you to do it, too.

Nope! Too late! You can't cut and run now. If you've read this far, you'll have to slog through the rest of it and take your chances on being named at the end. If you do run, you can't hide. Sooner or later, I'll be stopping by your place, looking for my meme, and if I don't see it... well, I'd just better; that's all I'm saying.

Here are the rules:

1 - On your blog, copy the following questions. Write out your responses to them.

(Did I really have to put in that second sentence? Probably not, but some of you might be stoned. It's hard for me to imagine another reason why you'd be here.)

2 - Give a link back to the blog you found this on. If you don't, Bill Gates will come to your house and take back all of that money you earned by forwarding his e-mails.

3 - Until such time as you get at least 20 comments, hop up and down while singing this little ditty which I've entitled "The Perverted Lifeguard Song":

I like women who like to go swimmin'
In nothin' but the skin that God gave 'em
And if they go under, it should be no wonder
I'll jump in the drink and I'll save 'em
There's nothing, you see, more a turn-on to me
Than a lady all wet, limp and breathless
I'll buy her some dinner and if she's a winner
I might even pay for her breakfast
Yum Tum Tiddly-Tum
I'm a perverted lifeguard!
Yum Tum Tickle Your Bum
I'm a perverted lifeguard!

If you're a woman, you don't have to sing it - unless you want to. However, you DO have to do the jumping up and down bit. Nude. And send me photos.

4 - I'm not kidding. Send me photos.

5 - Tag everybody on your sidebar. Tell them to send me photos, too.

6 - If any men send me photos, they'd better be damn good looking.

7 - No, skip that. Just don't even think about doing it. If you're a man and you send me a photo, I'll publish it.

8 - Oh, God, NO! I can just see all of the perverts stuffing photos of themselves into envelopes specifically because they'd get a rush out of seeing their junk published here. Stop reading. Go away.

9 - OK, now that they're gone, let me repeat: Ladies, I want nude photos of you jumping up and down. That's the only reason I'm making up this meme.

10 - I will NOT publish any photos I receive from ladies jumping up and down in the nude. As a matter of fact, I won't even tell anyone you sent them to me. Unless I don't get any at all. Then I'll make stuff up. So, at least one of you better send me some. Think of it as sacrificing yourself for the common good.

OK, here's the meme:

1 - How willing would you be to send naked photos of yourself to a relative stranger?

2 - If I absolutely positively guaranteed that the photos would never be seen by anyone but me, in the privacy of my bedroom, would that change your mind?

3 - What if I promised to burn them up after a reasonable length of time? Say, thirty years.

4 - I'd send you one of me in return, but the only person I have to shoot the shots is MY WIFE. I have a feeling she'd object.

5 - Yes, I'm going to let her read this. She'll probably call me a pig. In which case, if you don't send me any nude photos of yourself jumping up and down, I will have spoiled my marriage for no good reason. How much guilt can you handle? Send the photos!

6 - OK, now I'm not even doing a good job of keeping up the pretense that this is a meme. The last two questions weren't even questions. I suppose I'd better make up at least one legitimate question.

7 - What's your favorite flavor of giraffe?*

Now, here's who I'm tagging:

Everybody in the world, even if you don't have a blog (unless you're related to me - my name isn't Oedipus.) I would prefer that you not have a dick. And, now that I think of it, skip the jumping up and down part. It will only make things blurry. Oh, and you should be at least 18 years of age, too. I'm not looking to get caught up in any interstate kiddie porn stings. I'm just looking for a cheap thrill.

Soon, with... Oh, who the hell cares? Send the photos!

* Raspberry.


SandraRee said...

Good god man! Have you gone MAD?!

The only explanation that I can come up with for this bad behavior is that you totally went giddy about getting a "Must See" award and the good feeling you got from that just made you stark raving MAD!!!

I'll have my photo in the mail by tomorrow.

Ha ha, when I post the meme or when pigs fly, whichever comes first. Funny, funny post, Mr. Suldog.

Oh and I appreciate the mention on your sidebar... I think.

Lisa Johnson said...

LMAO! This is the first time that I've used that abbreviation. And the picture is in the mail along with the million dollar check! ; )

Michelle H. said...

You brought tears to my eyes, Suldog. Really. I was howling inside, deep inside in my evil and naughty place.

Pictures? Why sure I'll send you some. That's much cheaper than mailing you the sex tape.

Um, I mean if there WAS a sex tape... which there isn't. Oops! I think something is wrong with my computer right now. I gotta go. Lots of work to do burning things.

lime said...

how about if i just send you a picture of the aftereffects of nude jumping up and down? it would involve 2 black eyes and bruised hips. scared yet? ya should be.

lime said...

uh, just to clarify...that would be my own black eyes and bruised hips....

Suldog said...

Lime - In that case, I want VIDEO from you!

Rooster said...


I just want to know two things. What is your address, and what time does your mailman usually come around?

Not asking for any reason in particular, just akin'.

Buck said...

I'm just glad I'm a guy. But... if ya need a mail room clerk to help handle the massive response, lemmee know.

Hilary said...

Twit! ;) I'm just really relieved that there was no actual meme involved. I dislike them things and would really rather send a nude pic than do a meme, if only the camera lens wouldn't crack upon snapping said photo. I'm also wondering how many perv hits you're gonna get just from mentioning kiddie porn.

Stu said...

She wore a raspberry giraffe...
The kind you find at a second-hand zoo...

John-Michael said...

Stripping away even the most obscure hint of pretense ... you, my Dear SulDog Friend, win all awards for naked truth. When you want photos of naked women ... you unabashedly ask ... nay! demand said photos. No pretense ... absent any chicanery or diversionary nonsense. Straight (as evidenced by your clear refusal of any 'alternative' submissions) to the unequivocal point. You are one delightfully sick and twisted Individual ... and I love You! (in the most hetero-respective context!)

[Thanks for the concern/interest, My Friend. You are the exception to the 'crawl under the rock of solitude until it is overcome' rule that is adopted when I am dealing with these rare (thank God) bouts of severe depression. I am on the slow-but-steady way back. (smile)]

Anonymous said...

1-Yeah, maybe.
2-Uh... Well, ...
3-Maybe not.
4-No! I do NOT want to see you naked!

And my favorite flavor of giraffe is strawberry.


Anonymous said...

My favorite flavor of giraffe is CHOCOLATE!!!

No pictures, no video. But if you are a good boy, I'll send you a fruitcake at Christmas!!!


Thim :) said...

P.S....please copy Mushy on those photos!

CSD Faux Finishing said...

Holy crap I didn't think it could get any crazier but you just proved me wrong. Sorry to report you will be getting no photos of me. Good luck with the marriage thing in #5, I was born without the guilt gene.

Twinks. said...

I think I'm scarred for life... **walks off twitching**

Chris Stone said...


chocolate. said...

Okay...I just spit my coffee all over my puter screen!

And the check, er I mean photos, are in the mail!

You're a hoot!!

Elaine Denning said...

How can I send the picture? I can't find your email address.

Chuck said...

How much will you pay me to not send you photos? I'm not camera shy. :P

Anonymous said...

Nice meme. I'm in. You got my photos, right?

Woman in a Window said...

um, suldog, only been here a few times and, um, this isn't really who i thought you were. uh, not sure what this says about me, but, ah, suldog, i might even like you more now.

uhhhh, you don't want my pictures. just trust me on that, K?

Cath said...

My favourite flavour of giraffe is toffee.

I sent the photos. The light was off though... ;0)

kuanyin333 said...

The summer heat has fried ya, but it was worth it to read your 'fry'! And the comments were a hoot too! If you ever get tired of being the wife, I have a job for ya!

Janet said...

I had to read this several times because the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard were interfering with my ability to see the screen.

I go to the library for storytime on Friday and spend all weekend working on defleaing the house and watering plants when I could have been reading this and jumping up and down naked?

How do you feel about photos that are 22 years old? Because that was the first and last time I consented to having naked pictures of myself. Women who give birth in their 40s definitely should NOT have pictures taken in the buff.

I'm thinking that linking to your blog is what has caused mine to be labeled pornographic. :)

Suldog said...

Janet - I'm sorry if my reputation has sullied your blog. That's what you get for linking to a Sully.

The best pictures of me are about 30 years old, so no problem :-)