My XM Saturday

This one comes under the category of “Ringing Endorsements”.

MY WIFE told me what she wanted for her birthday this year. It was XM Satellite Radio. So, being a magnificent husband, I bought it for her.

(She didn’t just blurt, “I want you to buy me XM Satellite Radio for my birthday!” A couple of months before the big day, she said that she thought satellite radio would be a good thing to have. I did the following mental calculation: Birthday Coming + “I think satellite radio would be good to have” = MY WIFE would like this as a birthday present.)

The first step in acquiring this for her was to go on-line and scope it out. So, that’s what I did. I went to the websites of the two main satellite radio providers, XM and Sirius. I checked the programming schedules for both, and decided on XM. What cinched the deal in favor of XM was that they have an entire channel devoted to old-time radio. Both MY WIFE and I love old-time radio shows. This is due to our upbringing.

For her part, my father-in-law was a nut for the stuff. In those days before everything in the world was available via the internet, he had amassed a large collection of cassette tapes from flea markets, garage sales, and the occasional catalog, of all sorts of shows from the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. He wasn’t just a fan; he was a fanatic. He had books of history concerning the genre, and could name the entire cast of most of the more popular shows. If you gave him half a chance, he’d pop a cassette into a player and happily watch you as you enjoyed Amos & Andy or Jack Benny.

(Truly, I think he got as much joy out of seeing your reactions to a show as he did from listening to it himself. He felt he was bestowing a treasure upon you. He was right, of course.)

As for me, my Mom was actually on the radio in the 40’s. She and her sister, my Aunt Jeanne, had a local show wherein they spun records and sang as a duet. They were accompanied in this endeavor by a fellow named Don Latulippe, who is (my best guess) in his eighties, bless him, and still sometimes heard on-air in the Boston area via WEZE, a Christian station.

(Interesting story concerning the genesis of my Mom’s show, and illustrative of the difference between media now and then. My Mom and her sister went to the radio station [WJDA] and complained that they didn’t have enough programming for teenagers. The station manager said something to the effect of, “If you think there isn’t enough teen programming, why don’t you two do a show?” And so they did. They went into the studio, with no experience whatsoever, and were teamed with Latulippe – who did have some experience – and there they were, on the radio, singing. Could you imagine anything like that happening in today’s corporate atmosphere?)

My Dad was also involved in radio. While in the navy during the Korean conflict, he was on the USS Mindoro, an aircraft carrier. Aircraft carriers are huge. They’re big enough to be a small town. And my Dad was “on-air” spinning records and such for the crew. He “broadcast” throughout the ship. After leaving the navy, he auditioned for a couple of positions in radio, but never got one. He soon abandoned that career track, but he retained his love of radio.

(Of course, that’s how I came to have the great pipes with which I make my living. I’m the product of a singer and an announcer. Genes will tell.)

I had those two influences, but I also came to a love of radio on my own. Until certain benign smoke products entered my scene, I was not your average kid. I liked listening to talk radio or sports, rather than music. And – getting back to old-time radio – some of the talk shows I listened to would sometimes trot out a classic radio show to fill time. I heard such one-time staples as The Life Of Riley and Lights Out on a serendipitous basis. And every time I heard them, I loved them.

In many ways, radio was even more of a visual medium than television. The shows were written so as to engage the mind totally. As you listened, YOU supplied the scenery and props. YOU (with some gentle prodding from the sound effects man) created whole cities and towns out of thin air. And, perhaps most important, YOU fleshed out the characters. As hard as it may be for someone who was born within the TV Age to believe, there was once no visual reference for such standard characters of American folklore as The Lone Ranger and Tonto, or Gunsmoke’s Matt Dillon. The radio listener “saw” them only via his or her imagination. Thus, each member of the audience filled in the blanks in a different way. In turn, the characters became highly personalized and, as a result, cherished in a way that having them visually defined would not have allowed.

(Not having a visual reference was a good thing for some shows and characters. For instance, Matt Dillon was played by William Conrad. Mr. Conrad pushed 300 pounds, if I'm not mistaken. If you saw him on a horse, you would have known that there wouldn't be too many bad guys he'd be able to catch up to. The characters of Amos and Andy, two black men, were played by two white men, Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll, who were also the writers of the show. A goodly portion of the audience, both black and white, had no idea that the actors were white.)

(I won't sidetrack into a discussion of whether or not Amos & Andy was racist. It was. But the intent wasn't. That's my opinion; your mileage may vary. In any case, it was funny. If the characters had been white, the writing would still have been good.)

For anyone with a strong imagination, old-time radio was a marvel. And having radio as the major home entertainment produced a generation of Americans who, for the most part, envisioned nothing as impossible. Or, more correctly, who envisioned the impossible, period. Heading into the 50’s and 60’s, these were the people who would eventually put thousands of satellites into orbit, which brings us - somewhat tortuously, I have to admit - back to satellite radio.

I bought a receiver and sound system for MY WIFE, and gave it to her on her birthday. She liked it, of course. How could she not? There are some 200 channels, covering every possible form of music, talk, sports programming, and the afore-mentioned old-time radio. And they all come in with a crystal-clarity of sound totally foreign to your average AM or FM station. Commercials are limited – on some channels, totally non-existent – and, since the audience is necessarily fragmented and the time to fill so vast when you have 200 channels broadcasting mostly 24/7, the choices made by the programmers cover the full range of possibilities. I mean, where else are you possibly going to hear Beat Me Daddy, Eight To The Bar these days, if not on the 1940’s music channel of XM - not to mention Shoot The Meatballs To Me, Dominick, Boy - and the first person who can tell me what band or person recorded either one wins the Suldog Giant Jackpot, which is up to $3.64 this week.

Since MY WIFE works on Saturday during the day, I spent all of this past Saturday engrossed in the world of XM. Aside from the old-time radio shows and 1940’s music, I listened to two baseball games. If this alone doesn’t sell the service to a baseball fan, then I have no grasp of human nature whatsoever: There are 14 channels reserved for baseball broadcasts. Every major league baseball game played – the entire season of all 30 teams - is broadcast on XM.

(I know. The math doesn’t work. 14 channels divided by 30 teams equals I’m a liar. But it’s true. Scheduling differences between West Coast and East Coast teams, travel days, and other time variables, make it work.)

The best part of these broadcasts, at least for a radio buff like me, is that they aren’t done by announcers specifically hired by XM and thus made bland by the constraints of trying to please a nationwide audience. XM picks up the home team’s broadcast and feeds it out via satellite. So, if you tune in to a game that the Los Angeles Dodgers are playing at Dodger Stadium, as I did this Saturday, you get the inimitable Vin Scully calling the play-by-play. If the Red Sox are playing at home, you get Joe Castiglione. And with regional coverage being picked up, you get the odd mannerisms and quirks of the regional announcers. You get the St. Louis announcer wishing a married couple from Sullivan, Missouri, a happy 50th wedding anniversary, and then wondering if that’s the golden anniversary or the silver one, precipitating a friendly argument with his broadcast partner when he is told that the 75th anniversary is the diamond one. (“Well, it sure wasn’t the ladies who made up that one. That had to be a guy. If the ladies did it, the first one would be for the diamonds. Strike one, a fastball. The ladies wouldn’t leave that hanging until 75 years had passed. Had to be a guy. And a cheap guy at that. Ladies, if you’re waiting 75 years to get a diamond, you picked the wrong man, let me tell you. Ball one, outside and low. You sure about that? 75 years for a diamond?”) You can’t beat stuff like that, especially when delivered in a sort-of southern-midwest-down-home-country accent.

In addition to the baseball channels, there are channels devoted to SEC, ACC, Big 10 and Big East college sports, among others. The National Hockey League has coverage similar to baseball, with a number of channels devoted to their games. It is a sports-lovers paradise.

There are channels devoted to music by decade – 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, right up through the 90’s; by genre - country, hard rock, jazz, classical; and even by artist. Devotees of Led Zeppelin have a channel. There are similar offerings for fans of Frank Sinatra and George Strait. I like Led Zep as much as the next guy, but I can’t imagine listening to nothing but them 24/7. However, de gustibus non est disputadum, as my grandfather said every time my grandmother tried to get him to eat something aside from pickled sardines.

I could go on and on – as a matter of fact, I think I already have – but I think this is an amazing service. The cost is reasonable, about $13 a month, with extended plans that knock the price down lower. I heartily recommend it, without reservation. And I’ll add, for the cynics among you, that this is a wholly unsolicited opinion and I haven’t been compensated for saying this. I’m just trying to turn you on to something magnificent. It’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

No, it’s better than sliced bread. You can’t hear The Phil Harris & Alice Faye Show on sliced bread.

Soon, with more better stuff.