Awards For You!

You people are superb. I ask for a bit of help, and you give me tons of it. Magnificent! To show my appreciation, I'm going to give you all an award you can display on your blog.

But, first...

I printed out all of your very helpful comments and brought them home to show to MY WIFE. As is her wont, she had a few observations to make. Here they are.

(As is my wont, I feel the need to explain something before we begin. She read, and appreciated, every one of the comments. She only made observations of her own on a few of them, though, so if your comment isn't here, it's not because she didn't read it and love it. Rest assured, she did. And any sarcasm that comes dripping through is probably due to her being married to me for 16+ years.)

Rich said: Here's what I like to do on staycations.

1. Go down to the nearest bakery and smell the bread baking.
2. Stop by the local fire station and watch the guys wash the trucks
3. Hang out at the barber shop and watch the old guys get haircuts.

MY WIFE said: You sound like Beaver Cleaver. Please remember, HIS WIFE is a girl!

Rooster said: Go apple picking in Concord...

MY WIFE said: Pick my own apples? I don't even like to go into the kitchen. Anyway, why pick them? Won't they just fall off eventually?

Suldog (in discussing the Duck Boat tours) said: (we now know that) much of what some of the drivers have to say is bullshit.

MY WIFE gave more helpful examples than I did, to wit: There was a driver who said that the Kennedys lived in Louisburg Square. They don't, and never have. Also, that our dear friend, Peggy, who lives on Beacon Hill and happened to be walking by as they passed, "... may be one of the servants." MY WIFE also added that tour buses are now banned from Beacon Hill proper and must go around - quack, quack.

Sandra Ree said: Why don't you rent a hotel or motel in your area, meet up at different times, pretending you're meeting each for the very first time and have a wicked wild affair?

MY WIFE replies: I was raised not to talk to strangers. That's why I was 35 when Suldog's Mom introduced us. And they don't come any stranger than him.

Cousin David said: ... head over to Patriots Place

MY WIFE said: David! Great idea, but... Shhhhhh! Don't let him know it's a mall!

Crazy Cath said: My immediate thought was, if I were coming to stay with you for a while, where would you take me?

MY WIFE says: We don't like visitors. Our blinds are always drawn and we play freeze tag if we even hear the mailman approaching.

(That's not entirely true. Yes, the blinds are usually drawn. Yes, we prefer that our visitors call ahead to let us know they're coming. And we usually don't answer the phone, letting the machine get it first, so...

Well, OK, I guess it is true. But that doesn't mean we don't love you!)

Stu suggested: ... The Brattle Book Shop.

MY WIFE sadly informs us: As with Filene's, also fairly much gone. Open by appointment only.

Balcony Gal said: You should consider jumping the train to Worcester and checking out the Higgins Armory. I know a couple of cute kids who could show you around there for free and make it worth your while.

MY WIFE retorted: Armory? But war is not healthy for children and other living things! Oh, nevermind, Balcony Gal. You're probably too young to remember that protest slogan, drat you. But you do have the cutest and brightest Balcony Princesses in the entire world!

Shammickite talked about: ...a place on the wharf in Boston, where we could take our own booze to consume with our freshly cooked fish and chips...

MY WIFE remembered: That's The No-Name. That's really its name. It has no name, so they call it the No-Name. Since it has no name, there is no sign saying "The No-Name". It truly has no name.

(We like it. Many don't. Here are some reviews.)

WomanInAWindow said: (a lot of interesting stuff, mostly self-deprecating concerning her age, to which I replied in kind.)

MY WIFE said: Are you really in a window? I like looking in people's windows!

Melinda said: 1. Cook your favourite dinner. Since you're home, you won't care how long it takes.
2. Listen to your favourite albums while reading up on the history of The Black Donnellys (I've been to their town and know the story well. Very cool piece of Canadian history)
4. Hang out in your pjs watching a marathon of your favourite TV show.

MY WIFE said: I repeat - I don't even like to know I have a kitchen. We don't share any favorite albums. And, as for #4, that's every Saturday for Suldog.

(She's right on all counts. I enjoy cooking, she doesn't, so I'm the chef around our place. Our tastes in music intersect very rarely - Mine = Deep Purple, etc. Hers = Perry Como, etc. And, insofar as lounging in PJs is concerned, yes, I do it most Saturdays, except I don't own PJs, so it's my undies.)

Jeni said: Just thinking it would be a hoot to see Boston with you as a tour guide.

MY WIFE threatens: One of our favorite things is to blindfold people, take them somewhere, and then see if they can find their way back.

(This is somewhat true. I once did that with her. It wasn't kidnapping or anything; she agreed that it would be a fun experiment. So, I tied an afghan around her head, put her in the passenger seat of our car, and drove her to a section of Newton she wasn't familiar with at all. I then took off the blindfold, kicked her out of the car, and drove away. She made it home safely.

She would gladly do the same for me - or even YOU! - but she doesn't drive, and she thinks there's probably a good chance she'd be arrested if she took you on the T blindfolded, so it probably won't happen should you visit. However, if you really want to try it, I'm sure arrangements could be made.)

Thimbelle said: Stay home. Slow down.

MY WIFE observed: If we were any slower, we'd have been declared dead years ago.

Stu (in a return appearance) opined: Here's another idea: You and The Wife sit down and come up with a list of things that you aren't allowed to do, then pick the most fun items and do them during your staycation. Being openly rebellious is very therapeutic.

MY WIFE asserted: You don't know me very well. I won't even J walk.

(True. I spent many hours, total, waiting across streets for MY WIFE while we were courting. I'd see no traffic coming, cross the street, and get to the other side only to discover that MY (future) WIFE was still waiting for the "WALK" signal to come on.)

MLH revealed: ...I've never taken a straycation before...

MY WIFE, jumping on the typo, said: Does that mean we could have affairs?

Finally, Chris Stone suggested: The walking architecture tours in Boston... done by architecture students.

To which, MY WIFE quoted Suldog's Advice (a sensible subset to Murphy's Law):
Never stand when you can sit.
Never sit when you can recline.
Never run when you can walk.
Never walk when you can ride.
In all instances, avoid heavy lifting.
And, if someone else is pulling your wagon, there's no sense in you getting out to push.

This is a rare shot. It is the last moment we were both serious at the same time.

I've been given quite a few awards. Not a single one of them was deserved, of course. Well... maybe the one that says I talk a lot in other people's comments sections. That one was fairly much spot on. But, see, here's the thing: I know - vaguely - who gave me awards, but I mostly can't remember which one you might have given me. If I start naming names, and assigning specific awards, I might end up giving one back to the very kind soul who handed it to me in the first place. What good would that do?

So, I have made up an award. Here it is.


You can have that one, if you wish, or you can have the following one:


If either of these strikes your fancy (and we all know how painful th... ah, skip it) feel free to copy the artwork and post it on your blog. You can say I gave it to you, although that will diminish it's value immediately.

We're on the honor system here. Pretend it's Halloween and you're a kid again. Your tremendously nice next door neighbor has gone out for the evening, but has been swell enough to leave a bowl full of candy bars by his door. There is a sign over the bowl saying, "Happy Halloween! Take ONE, Please!" Act accordingly.

OK, I know. If you're like most of the kids in my neighborhood, you'll pick up the bowl and empty the entire thing into your bag. And maybe write an obscenity on the sign, too. Then, as you're running away, you find out your neighbor didn't actually go out for the evening, but just didn't feel like answering his door, so he's home and he saw you steal all the candy. You little bastid! What's the matter with ya? Don't yer mutha feed ya? Git off'n my lawn! I know where ya live, ya little shit! Don't think I don't know it's you behind that Bugs Bunny mask, Johnny O'Toole!

Anyway, take ONE. And thanks again for all the help.

Soon, with more better stuff.