Friday, September 26, 2008

Awards For You!

You people are superb. I ask for a bit of help, and you give me tons of it. Magnificent! To show my appreciation, I'm going to give you all an award you can display on your blog.

But, first...

I printed out all of your very helpful comments and brought them home to show to MY WIFE. As is her wont, she had a few observations to make. Here they are.

(As is my wont, I feel the need to explain something before we begin. She read, and appreciated, every one of the comments. She only made observations of her own on a few of them, though, so if your comment isn't here, it's not because she didn't read it and love it. Rest assured, she did. And any sarcasm that comes dripping through is probably due to her being married to me for 16+ years.)

Rich said: Here's what I like to do on staycations.

1. Go down to the nearest bakery and smell the bread baking.
2. Stop by the local fire station and watch the guys wash the trucks
3. Hang out at the barber shop and watch the old guys get haircuts.

MY WIFE said: You sound like Beaver Cleaver. Please remember, HIS WIFE is a girl!

Rooster said: Go apple picking in Concord...

MY WIFE said: Pick my own apples? I don't even like to go into the kitchen. Anyway, why pick them? Won't they just fall off eventually?

Suldog (in discussing the Duck Boat tours) said: (we now know that) much of what some of the drivers have to say is bullshit.

MY WIFE gave more helpful examples than I did, to wit: There was a driver who said that the Kennedys lived in Louisburg Square. They don't, and never have. Also, that our dear friend, Peggy, who lives on Beacon Hill and happened to be walking by as they passed, "... may be one of the servants." MY WIFE also added that tour buses are now banned from Beacon Hill proper and must go around - quack, quack.

Sandra Ree said: Why don't you rent a hotel or motel in your area, meet up at different times, pretending you're meeting each for the very first time and have a wicked wild affair?

MY WIFE replies: I was raised not to talk to strangers. That's why I was 35 when Suldog's Mom introduced us. And they don't come any stranger than him.

Cousin David said: ... head over to Patriots Place

MY WIFE said: David! Great idea, but... Shhhhhh! Don't let him know it's a mall!

Crazy Cath said: My immediate thought was, if I were coming to stay with you for a while, where would you take me?

MY WIFE says: We don't like visitors. Our blinds are always drawn and we play freeze tag if we even hear the mailman approaching.

(That's not entirely true. Yes, the blinds are usually drawn. Yes, we prefer that our visitors call ahead to let us know they're coming. And we usually don't answer the phone, letting the machine get it first, so...

Well, OK, I guess it is true. But that doesn't mean we don't love you!)

Stu suggested: ... The Brattle Book Shop.

MY WIFE sadly informs us: As with Filene's, also fairly much gone. Open by appointment only.

Balcony Gal said: You should consider jumping the train to Worcester and checking out the Higgins Armory. I know a couple of cute kids who could show you around there for free and make it worth your while.

MY WIFE retorted: Armory? But war is not healthy for children and other living things! Oh, nevermind, Balcony Gal. You're probably too young to remember that protest slogan, drat you. But you do have the cutest and brightest Balcony Princesses in the entire world!

Shammickite talked about: ...a place on the wharf in Boston, where we could take our own booze to consume with our freshly cooked fish and chips...

MY WIFE remembered: That's The No-Name. That's really its name. It has no name, so they call it the No-Name. Since it has no name, there is no sign saying "The No-Name". It truly has no name.

(We like it. Many don't. Here are some reviews.)

WomanInAWindow said: (a lot of interesting stuff, mostly self-deprecating concerning her age, to which I replied in kind.)

MY WIFE said: Are you really in a window? I like looking in people's windows!

Melinda said: 1. Cook your favourite dinner. Since you're home, you won't care how long it takes.
2. Listen to your favourite albums while reading up on the history of The Black Donnellys (I've been to their town and know the story well. Very cool piece of Canadian history)
4. Hang out in your pjs watching a marathon of your favourite TV show.

MY WIFE said: I repeat - I don't even like to know I have a kitchen. We don't share any favorite albums. And, as for #4, that's every Saturday for Suldog.

(She's right on all counts. I enjoy cooking, she doesn't, so I'm the chef around our place. Our tastes in music intersect very rarely - Mine = Deep Purple, etc. Hers = Perry Como, etc. And, insofar as lounging in PJs is concerned, yes, I do it most Saturdays, except I don't own PJs, so it's my undies.)

Jeni said: Just thinking it would be a hoot to see Boston with you as a tour guide.

MY WIFE threatens: One of our favorite things is to blindfold people, take them somewhere, and then see if they can find their way back.

(This is somewhat true. I once did that with her. It wasn't kidnapping or anything; she agreed that it would be a fun experiment. So, I tied an afghan around her head, put her in the passenger seat of our car, and drove her to a section of Newton she wasn't familiar with at all. I then took off the blindfold, kicked her out of the car, and drove away. She made it home safely.

She would gladly do the same for me - or even YOU! - but she doesn't drive, and she thinks there's probably a good chance she'd be arrested if she took you on the T blindfolded, so it probably won't happen should you visit. However, if you really want to try it, I'm sure arrangements could be made.)

Thimbelle said: Stay home. Slow down.

MY WIFE observed: If we were any slower, we'd have been declared dead years ago.

Stu (in a return appearance) opined: Here's another idea: You and The Wife sit down and come up with a list of things that you aren't allowed to do, then pick the most fun items and do them during your staycation. Being openly rebellious is very therapeutic.

MY WIFE asserted: You don't know me very well. I won't even J walk.

(True. I spent many hours, total, waiting across streets for MY WIFE while we were courting. I'd see no traffic coming, cross the street, and get to the other side only to discover that MY (future) WIFE was still waiting for the "WALK" signal to come on.)

MLH revealed: ...I've never taken a straycation before...

MY WIFE, jumping on the typo, said: Does that mean we could have affairs?

Finally, Chris Stone suggested: The walking architecture tours in Boston... done by architecture students.

To which, MY WIFE quoted Suldog's Advice (a sensible subset to Murphy's Law):
Never stand when you can sit.
Never sit when you can recline.
Never run when you can walk.
Never walk when you can ride.
In all instances, avoid heavy lifting.
And, if someone else is pulling your wagon, there's no sense in you getting out to push.

This is a rare shot. It is the last moment we were both serious at the same time.

I've been given quite a few awards. Not a single one of them was deserved, of course. Well... maybe the one that says I talk a lot in other people's comments sections. That one was fairly much spot on. But, see, here's the thing: I know - vaguely - who gave me awards, but I mostly can't remember which one you might have given me. If I start naming names, and assigning specific awards, I might end up giving one back to the very kind soul who handed it to me in the first place. What good would that do?

So, I have made up an award. Here it is.

You can have that one, if you wish, or you can have the following one:

If either of these strikes your fancy (and we all know how painful th... ah, skip it) feel free to copy the artwork and post it on your blog. You can say I gave it to you, although that will diminish it's value immediately.

We're on the honor system here. Pretend it's Halloween and you're a kid again. Your tremendously nice next door neighbor has gone out for the evening, but has been swell enough to leave a bowl full of candy bars by his door. There is a sign over the bowl saying, "Happy Halloween! Take ONE, Please!" Act accordingly.

OK, I know. If you're like most of the kids in my neighborhood, you'll pick up the bowl and empty the entire thing into your bag. And maybe write an obscenity on the sign, too. Then, as you're running away, you find out your neighbor didn't actually go out for the evening, but just didn't feel like answering his door, so he's home and he saw you steal all the candy. You little bastid! What's the matter with ya? Don't yer mutha feed ya? Git off'n my lawn! I know where ya live, ya little shit! Don't think I don't know it's you behind that Bugs Bunny mask, Johnny O'Toole!

Anyway, take ONE. And thanks again for all the help.

Soon, with more better stuff.


Neponset River Bridge Dig said...

YOUR WIFE is a smart woman... again, why did she marry you?

you know I'm just kidding, right? but your WIFE is smart just the same.

To have some of the best fun you may not even have to leave home. ;)

Have a good staycation

Buck said...

So. What ARE ya gonna do on the stay-at-home vaykay?

Enquiring Minds™ really DO wanna know!

Suldog said...

Just to let everyone know:

We haven't yet decided exactly what we'll do. It doesn't start for another two weeks, so plenty of time to mull over all of the excellent suggestions. I expect we'll give you a detailed report AFTER, rather than before.

SandraRee said...

lol Suldog, I wished I could grab that face of yours and lay a great big smack of the lips on ya!

You surprise the hell out of me sometimes.

And your WIFE is one funny lady!

Oh you know I’m going to enjoy that Sul~dog award! :)

Shrinky said...

Wow, I sooo agree with your missus as far as expending as little energy as is absolutely necessary.. she is my kinda' gal!

Actually, I've just broken the news to the kids this week that next year we are spending our holiday on the island. Went down like a lead balloon, but it's either that or stop paying the school fees. They came around in the end. Truth be told, I hate family holidays abroad, so does hubby (you'd understand if you had to have our brood in tow), I'm looking forward to a brilliant holiday ahead.

John-Michael said...

Genuinely looking forward to reports on the elections made during the course of said "Staycation." You have my enthusiastic support for blissful moments of unfettered happiness and unbounded silliness engaged in whilst celebrating the gift of your beautiful relationship. What the two of you have with each other is a joyous encouragement to me.

Love ya SulDog!

Balcony Gal said...

Nice dog ;). Does this mean there's no candy to go along with the award? What about cake? Or something shiny? Jeez, I'm demanding today.

Michelle H. said...

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but my last comment wasn't a typo.

Anonymous said...

OK, I want my award!!

Hilary said...

YOUR WIFE.. gotta love her! Her comments were hilarious.. you two much just have a blast together.

Thanks so much for that sweet award, Sullies. It's displayed with pride and appreciation.

lime said...

your wife is a hoot. no wonder you adore her. can't wait to hear all about the staycation!

thanks also for the words of support over at my place. very much appreciated.

FHB said...

That's a wise little woman you've got there.

Meg Wolff said...

Thanks, Suldog!

Anonymous said...

Did you mean me too, Suldog? I don't think I was any help to you...but thankyou. Have to get FFF to show me how to get it to mine.


Suldog said...

EVERYBODY who commented was a help to me. EVERYBODY who commented gets to take an award - with my sincere gratitude and thanks :-)

Saz said...

OMY Gosh thank you...that's very generous, and l don't know why you've given this to me...but thanks!!!

I shall show ma Moannie how to add hers!!

Saz said...

OOppppss, l just realised, I think you left a message on my latest post instead of Moannies...the award is for her...not usre she knows..

Suldog said...

I Repeat, My Darlings: The award is for EVERYBODY who left a helpful comment. Muchas Gracias!

Rooster said...

You reminded me of kidnapping pledges we did in our fraternity in college. It was a well communucated rule. Brothers could kidnap pledges (and vice versa) and you were allowed to struggle and escape until you were inserted into the car. Once in the car you were no longer allowed to attempt to flee. No one was allowed to be kidnapped alone - a partner always had to be included. The victims were blindfolded, and driven off somewhere and dumped out. The kidnappers had to provide one gallon of beer, and a quarter for a phone call (no cell phones back then).

I got kidnapped twice, and those were two of the best times I had - trying to figure out where you were and how to get home. Fun adventures!

For anyone who is confused, in addition to being potentially fun, the point was to try to kidnap two pledges who did not know each other well. Forces them to get to know each other, work together, problem solve together, and have fun. And, no one was ever put in danger. Generally you were dropped off a lot closer to home than you realized.

Woman in a Window said...

You're very sweet, for such a young lad.

Yes, I am in a window. Makes driving my car rather tricky. And showering. And doing old people puzzles and all that but I manage.

Cath said...

YOUR WIFE is *so* a smart woman! But then she *is* married to you so I guess she needs to keep her wits about her.
Just a couple of things that made me sit up and take notice -
"And, insofar as lounging in PJs is concerned, yes, I do it most Saturdays, except I don't own PJs, so it's my undies.)" EWWWWW!!! Does that mean that when I am reading the post you made on Saturday you were wearing nothing but underpants when you wrote it??!!?
"So, I tied an afghan around her head..." You tied a DOG around YOUR WIFE'S head and you still live??

Love the wedding shot (and the first one actually). You two are an awesome couple - a force to be reckoned with I'd say. ;0)

Thanks for the award. I have the dog one...

Anonymous said...

I'm taking the doggie award for my Blog. (And not ONE WORD FROM YOU, MISTER!)

I want to hear more from YOUR WIFE. I like her. A lot. Not more than you, but close!

Seriously, here's hoping that *whatever* you two decide to do, it is every bit as wonderful as you wish it to be. :)

Ericka said...

i'd take one piece of candy AND the bowl. i like bowls.

lol - yes, i think your wife and i would get along splendidly.

with my total lack of any sense of direction, pretty much every time i leave my house is just like that game.

Unknown said...

Hey who is cooler than you? That would be no one. Well except maybe for your WIFE who is not only cool but freaking hilarious. More women should follow the general rule of staying as far from the kitchen as possible. I applaud her and will continue to dutifuly follow in her footsteps. Now when Matt asks where dinner is I can say 'Suldog's WIFE doesn't cook and neither do I'.

Thanks for thinking of all of us by granting us such fantabulous awards. The dog is cute, think I'll adopt him.

Can't wait to hear what you two come up with!

tshsmom said...

I LOVE your writing style!! This was hysterical!
Whatever you two decide, I hope you have a relaxing vacation. ;)

Rebecca said...

Actually, you aren't 100% correct on your Beacon Hill info my friend.

As my shop is on the corner of Charles & Mt. Vernon, smack dab in front of Louisberg Square - I can tell you this.

1. Tour buses absolutely go down Charles St. They actually pick up and drop off directly in front of my shop. I think my window and store cat are the most photographed images outside of the brownstones on the hill! The duck bus tours - those aren't on Charles Street though. :) So if you and the wife DO take a staycation on the Hill, go into Beacon Hill Wine & Spirits, and ask for Gene. That's my gig. ;)

and 2. The Kennedys actually DID live just outside of Louisburg Square, at the top of Mt. Vernon St. I used to work with one of their best friends who lived next door to them, and would go on and on to me about their childhood escapades by my store. :)

I missed your staycation post unfortunately, but I'd have recommended an overnight at the Stonehendge Inn in Tyngsboro!

You guys deserve someplace nice and relaxing!

Chris Stone said...

I like the super commenter award. very spiffy.

Suldog said...

Rebecca - Thanks for the info. We truly had no idea that the Kennedys did live there at one point. Always glad to take a factual correction.

When I first started dating MY WIFE, she lived on Myrtle Street, on the hill. She also spent some time on the other side of the hill, but I can't recall the street. In any case, that means she's much more knowledgeable concerning the neighborhood than I am. Of course, that goes for most things in life, not just neighborhoods :-)

Janet said...

I'm sorry I missed all the action (i haven't even read that post yet), but as I've never been to Massachusettes I wouldn't have been able to play anyway.
I love YOUR WIFE. Both the pictures are just lovely. She and I agree about the kitchen. But I find it highly entertaining that I like both Deep Purple AND Perry Como. I know, weirdness abounds here in the woods. I'll be working my way backward today, so you'll be hearing from me fairly often. To the point of boredom, I expect, if you're not there already.