Friday, November 09, 2012

Yay! Thanksgiving Is Now Officially Half-Dead!



Now that I'm all calmed down, it's time to get back to my more gentle side.

But, before that can happen, I have one last ugly thought.



WALMART CAN KISS MY ASS

 
The greedy fucks are opening at 8pm on Thanksgiving itself. They don't even have the decency to wait until the day after. So all of their employees do NOT get Thanksgiving off.

I don't care if I'm on fire and the only place I can get water is Walmart. I will NEVER set foot in one of their stinking stores again. And, no offense, but if you do, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Hmmmm. Here's something else of interest...



K-MART CAN SUCK ON MY BALLS 

Seems they're doing the same thing. 



Oops! More good news!

TARGET CAN EAT SHIT AND DIE



Oh, OK, I guess I'm not quite cooled down enough yet. I'm going to go hit myself in the skull with a hammer until I pass out. In the meantime, though, if maybe you're just a tad peeved at these corporate turds, like I am, I give you permission to cut and paste every bit of this post, run it on your own blog (or on Facebook, or tweet about it, or just print it out and send it to the assholes as many times as you have spare stamps, please.)

In the meantime, I can't think of a better time to re-post this. It's a good old-fashioned Christmas Carol I penned last year (and which IT set to video, the demented bastard.) You can hear it in all it's putrid glory, if you click this here thing:



Lyrics, for those who can't make 'em out.

Commercial Christmas

Up your bum with sugar plums
It's November, when Santa comes!
He's bringing you a credit card
And he wants you to charge it hard
It's Christmas
It's Commercial Christmas
Jesus Christ got nothin' to do with this

Friday's black, they're on attack
At Wal-Mart, Costco, and Radio Shack
They won't stop until you've bled
They need your green to get out of the red
It's Christmas!
It's Commercial Christmas!
Jesus Christ got nothin' to do with this

It's Veterans Day! Put up your tree!
Slide on down the chimney with me!
We'll go on a spending spree!
Bend over nine times, the tenth one's free!

(lots of stuff - crummy solo, spoken words, etc.)

Hey, hey, Rudolph! Whaddayasay?
Are you all set to pull that sleigh?
I'll drink until my nose gets redder
Then we can light up the sky togedder
It's Christmas!
It's Commercial Christmas!
Poor old Christ, up on his cross
His eyes bulge out, He's at a loss
He remembers bein' in the manger
But He can't remember anything stranger
Than Christmas
Commercial Christmas
It seems He died for your revolving credit account!


I'll be back on Monday (unless something I see over the weekend gives me apoplexy, which is always a distinct possibility.)


19 comments:

Craig said...

Well, gosh, Jim, if everybody takes you up on your offers, all that ass-kissing and ball-sucking oughta have happy erffects on yer mood, eh? And you won't have to worry about how to dispose of yer shit, either. . .

;)

Suldog said...

Craig - Oh, man, I am sinking into a deep pit of obscenity these days, but I really, truly can't help myself. I'm about as tired of the bullshit as I have ever been in my life.

Craig said...

Oh, you know I'm just teasing you, right?

And besides, starting the Black Friday Frenzy at 8PM Thanksgiving night IS obscene. Maybe you shoulda specified that, when you say, "Thanksgiving Comes First", you meant the actual complete calendar day, not just dinner. . .

And they're messin' with an American Tradition here. . . Gettin' up at 3AM to trample each other at the mall is like our national birthright, or somethin', ain't it?

Craig said...

I mean, now people are gonna be runnin' out to get in line at the mall before the football games are even over. . .

lime said...

that's disgusting. it really is.

Ron Newman said...

I believe this is not legal in Massachusetts -- all large stores have to be closed all day on Thanksgiving here.

Buck said...

NEVER give up! Never. EVER.

Suldog said...

Ron - If so, I am pleased. Thanks for the hope :-)

joeh said...

Count to ten, and step away from the computer,

messymimi said...

8pm is bad enough, but some are opening at noon. It's awful.

Uncle Skip, said...

It's just not right that you waited to post this until just before GS and I were leaving the house for a doctor appointment.

I thought everything was legal in Massachusetts?

Stephen Hayes said...

You posted a Chistmas song? I'm worried you'll bust something if I read it now before Thansgiving.

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

That's probably one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me

Suldog said...

Anybody offended by the obscenities, my apologies (unless you're the CEO of Walmart, in which case fuck you twice as much.)

SueAnn Lommler said...

Why don't you tell me how you really feel? Ha! Ha!
Yes a pox on them all...don't forget Hobby Lobby with their Christmas decoration mixed with Thanksgiving and Halloween...sheesh
Hugs
SueAnn

Jackie said...

I love what Joeh said...
Hugs,
J.

Ami said...

There isn't a bargain in the universe good enough to get me out shopping on any of those days... I wouldn't save enough to pay for my bail.

I think it's chickenshit to make people work on those days. It should be reserved for families only. And everyone should stay HOME, dammit.

Joan said...

I work in a collectibles store a few days a week, and am happy to report that the owner is not displaying any Christmas items until after Thanksgiving. :)

Tim King said...

You'll never believe what we're doing on Black Friday. Having Thanksgiving dinner with the family. :)

(My brother and sis-in-law, who work in medical services, are graciously working on Thursday, so we pushed our T-giving festivities out by a day.)

-TimK