Monday, August 03, 2009
Here's the award.
You may be asking yourself why this is the last award I am ever going to accept. Fair enough question, but you'd be more likely to find out the answer if you were asking me. The answer, in any case, is that I've run out of original ways to insult these things. I've gotten so many of them that my well has run dry.
(My well was only about a foot deep to begin with.)
I used to be able to insult people at will and with style. Maybe not class; in the monopoly game of life, that has always been an elusive property for me to acquire. But, style? Originality? For sure. To wit (but not one heck of a lot):
A Previous Award Acceptage
Well, okay, maybe my claims of originality aren't all they're cracked up to be, but I'm just lousy with style, as well as without it.
I received the currant award...
No, that would be an award associated with berries. I received the current award from Blunt Delivery. She is a very funny person. To be singled out, in her estimation, as funny myself, is certainly an honor that ranks up there with, say, being named starting first baseman for the 1963 Washington Senators.
(Bobo. I've always had a fondness for athletes named Bobo. Do parents actually name their boys that? I find it hard to believe, but look at Dweezil Zappa and Zowie Bowie. Anything's possible. So far as I can tell from the previously linked biographical information, Bobo Osborne didn't have any other name aside from Bobo. Let's check out some others!
Bobo Olson appears to have been "Carl" via his parent's ingenuity. But, can you think of a better name for a boxer than "Bobo"? I mean, not counting "Irving", especially when your ring alias was Izzy Ashcan.
Bobo Brazil was a totally fictitious name, but he was a pro wrestler, so what did you expect?
Hmmmmmmmm. Actually, those are all of the Bobos I can think of, except for Bobo Newsom. And his real name wasn't Bobo, either. I'm severely disappointed by these results, and now most of you have left here scratching your heads, saying, "What in the hell was that guy talking about? Let's go look at some LOLCats! At least if they're not funny, they're cute!")
See? I tried to riff on guys named "Bobo" for about 150 words and failed miserably. I'm completely out of ideas here. I am a shell of my formerly venomous self.
(I could have said "I am Michelle of my formerly venomous self", but only about three of you would have gotten that joke, even with the link. And my readers have some of the biggest brains around, which means you'll be in deep shit when I release the zombies. However, I digress.)
You want to know how little gas I have left in the tank of my imagination? The picture in the award is of a Barbie doll holding two tiny bags of cocaine. And I can't come up with anything. Zilch. Nada. It should have been like shooting fish in a barrel, but...
(Did anybody ever actually do that? Maybe it wasn't like taking a gun and aiming into a barrel full of fish, but rather a person wearing a barrel and... this is going nowhere, too. Sorry.)
So, without any further ado - and that's even the best I could come up with for that, and I've been using this running joke, off and on, for almost five years now - I graciously accept the award. It will go in a place of honor underneath all of the other worthless trinkets I've been given (one of which was the previously-linked-to "Zombie Chicken Award", so this new one should probably wear a hat or something.)
I have a feeling that this disgraceful performance will lose me about 150 followers - and I only have 126 - so my usual closing is probably superfluous.
(Is it possible to just be 'fluous'? How about... Oh, screw it.)
(Even my fact-checking sucks. I must have gone to Bobo Osborne's stats page five times, making sure it didn't give another name aside from Bobo. I just clicked the link, to be sure it worked, and I saw immediately that his real first name was Lawrence. Feh.)
Soon, with more bitter stuff.