I Won The Powerball Jackpot!

That got your attention, right?

Well, it's a lie. I did NOT hit the Powerball jackpot. Therefore, I still need to make a living. And I can still use your help. So, if you'll head on over to the Boston Herald website to read my latest piece there, and then leave a nice comment, I sure would appreciate it.

As a matter of fact, I'll tell you how much I'd appreciate it: If you leave a nice comment, I'll give you a share of the winnings if I ever do hit the Powerball jackpot. I'm not saying how much of a share, but I'll definitely give you something. And, if you have an actual letter to the editor published concerning today's column, I'll give you a straight-up 1% share of the jackpot.

Yes, folks, that's right. I'm not above bribing you to pretend you love me.

Of course, if you're the one who hit the jackpot, how's about sending me a million or two? You'll be doing the world a great favor because I'll promise to never write again if you send me enough dough. It's a win-win!

Look, I'm just a poor ink-stained wretch. Help me out here. Either send me a ton of cash or go read my column.

Please?

Either way, I thank you in advance (but especially if you're making out a check.)

Soon, with more lies.