Me, A to Z

I "stole" this from Jenn Flynn-Shon, a wonderful writer and, more important, a swell person.

Since losing my previous job, I’ve been doing no writing for this space other than tales of unemployment. I owe you more than that. You've all been loyal. Many of you are saying prayers for me. Some of you have been coming here for years. You deserve better. Also, I need to keep my blog chops up. Even though I've been trying to set myself up to function as a full-time paid writer (or to do work connected with writing, such as the fact-checking work I've landed) I've actually done little writing as of late. Mostly, I've been going over my past output to find immediately salable items. That involves editing more than writing. So, this will allow me to exercise my typing fingers a bit and, I hope, provide more entertainment than I've recently given you.

Age - 55. Had you asked me if I would ever be this age, back when I was 20, I would have laughed in your face. I will gladly do the same for you now, if you ask me about the chance of my being 90 someday.

Bed Size - Twin. I've had them all at some point in my life - King, Queen, Full, Couch, Hammock, Sleeping Bag, Floor, Gutter. MY WIFE has a Queen. No, we do not sleep in the same room. This suits us just fine, thank you. While we like each other, we see no need to conform to societal norms as concerns sleeping arrangements. I smoke and snore. She likes to keep the TV on all night. If we slept together, we wouldn't be nearly as happily married as we are.

Chore You Hate - Ironing. If I had a wardrobe that required me to do it more often, I'd be a miserable man. Therefore, I have made every effort to not be more stylish than is absolutely necessary. If there's a funeral, I iron a bit.

Dogs - Despite my nickname, not my cup of tea. I prefer more quiet and self-sufficient animals.

Cats understand me and I understand cats. It's a moot point, anyway, as MY WIFE is allergic to animal dander. I haven't had a cat since the one that lived with me when MY WIFE joined me in cohabitation. To prove how much cats understand my needs, that one (pictured above) left of his own accord about a week after MY WIFE moved in.

Essential Start To My Day - Coffee and a cigarette. Until I've had both, my brain is a pile of semi-gelatinous goo.

Favorite Color - Green. I especially like it in combination with Black. If I ever own a sports team, the uniforms will be those two colors.

Gold or Silver - Silver, hands down. If someone wants to give me a big pile of gold bars, however, don't be afraid that I'll throw them back in your face. I'll politely accept them.

House or Apartment - Apartment. The first thing I'll do when someone gives me that big pile of gold bars, though, is buy a house.

Instruments Played - Bass, Drums, Guitar, Keyboards, and a smattering of just about everything else. I made a nuisance of myself in every band I was in. No matter what instrument I was expected to play, I'd grab something different during breaks and teach myself a bit. For those wondering (bless you) the names of my bands, in chronological order, were World's End, Live Wire, Powerline, P.S. Wild, City Limits, Soldier, and Assault & Battery. I was the bass player in all but the first.

(I'm second from left in the above shot, for those of you who think I was always bald.)

Job Title - As of now, Freelance Writer. Previously? There have been some 29 or 30, most recently Voice-Over Artist and Producer for some 20+ years. All things considered, I would gladly be doing nothing at all, but I can't afford it.

Kids - Are fine for other people but far too much work for me. I enjoy being an uncle. I can play with the kids and then hand them off to someone with a greater sense of responsibility when I get tired of it.

Live - Is better than not.

Married - Yes, very. MY WIFE is my soulmate. I would prefer that she get her own Facebook account, but she does all the ironing.

Never Again - Will I put my financial future in the hands of one person, if I can avoid it. Losing my job of 20+ years duration, about four weeks ago now, was one of the biggest shocks of my life. From now on, my life's stock will be diversified.

Other Fun Fact - I am typing this while sitting next to my grapefruit tree. I was having breakfast one morning and decided to see if I could grow a grapefruit tree from one of the seeds I encountered. I was successful and it is now about three-and-a-half feet tall. They can reach heights of thirty feet.

This is a shot of Planty (that's his name) from when he was about two-and-a-half feet shorter than he is now. I have no idea what I'm going to do when he outgrows the house. Grapefruit trees do not do well in the winter where we live, so permanently planting it outdoors would kill him. I guess I'd have to put Planty up for adoption, so those of you living in Arizona or Florida or other places grapefruit trees love to live can probably expect to hear me begging you to take him in a few years.

Pet Peeve - Am I limited to only ONE? I guess so. In that case, I'll go with those advertisements that pop up on the screen during television shows. I hate those things. Television is very aggravating, overall, these days. If you're of the same age as me, more-or-less, I recommend ME-TV. They do it right. No pop-ups. Full opening and closing segments of shows, including credits. They have the decency to allow you a chance to suspend disbelief. And the line-up is chock full of great old shows from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. It is wonderful. Therefore, I expect it to go out of business within six months or so.

Quote - "You are special. There is only one person like you in the world, and everybody can like you just the way you are." - Fred "Mister" Rogers

Righty or Lefty - Righty, but I have a fair amount of dexterity with both due to my playing around with so many musical instruments.

Siblings - None, thank you very much. I was, and am, a very happy only child. I've gained some step-sisters and step-brothers via My Mom, and they are beautiful people, but I still, deep in the recesses of my disordered mind, hold on to my being an only.

Time You Wake Up - Generally, a few minutes before 7:00, every day, with or without an alarm. I did so, with an alarm, for over 20 years, so this will probably remain the norm for a couple more months at least. We'll see.

University Attended - None. I escaped high school in 1974 and was ecstatic to be done with schooling for the rest of my life.

(Actually, I did go back to school, in 1990, to earn a certificate in broadcasting. Following my time there, that school gained accreditation as an actual college, so I could honestly now say I graduated college, but I find it more satisfying to have people assume that I went to college and then enjoy the surprised looks when I tell them that I didn't.)

Veggies You Dislike - Mushrooms.

I assiduously avoid eating fungus of any kind. Blech.

What Makes You Run Late - Very little. I was born with a great sense of time. Twenty years as a professional voice only served to reinforce it. I can generally read something aloud in whatever time limit you desire while not referring to a clock. Similarly, barring mechanical breakdowns of whatever conveyance I'm utilizing, I tend to be wherever I'm supposed to be at the time I'm supposed to be there.

X-Rays - Many for my mouth over the years. A few for my neck. Otherwise, I don't have a heck of a lot to say about X-Rays. I guess I've been blessed.

Yum Food - Whoopie pies. Eclairs. Boston Cream Pie. Just about anything composed of a combination of cake and creamy filling. If we're talking about something other than desserts, there are many. I have yet to find my limit for beef. You can keep putting it on my plate and I will keep eating it. I love a good turkey dinner. Many pasta dishes have a place (probably literally) in my heart. Good pizza is a joy (bad pizza is a capital offense.)

Zoo Animal Favorite - Bobcats. I've always loved them for the combination of grace, power, speed, and wicked good-looking sideburns.

MY WIFE once gave me two bobcats for my birthday. No, she didn't give me a box to unwrap and when I did so the bobcats jumped out and ripped my face to ribbons. A wildlife sanctuary we liked, where animals who had been injured in some way precluding them being re-released into the wild were allowed to live, had bobcats. She made a donation for upkeep of the bobcats and I received a certificate of "ownership". One of the coolest gifts I ever received.

And I guess that does it, unless there are other letters of the alphabet I've forgotten. Why not do one of these yourself? I'd love to see how your answers stack up next to mine. If nothing else, comparing yourself to me should be good enough to assure you of your own comparative sanity.

Soon, with more better stuff.