[This was inspired by a post of the same title, at Long Hollow, written by the most excellent Barbara Shallue. As a matter of fact, the poem below is her work, and good work it is. I have made a few slight changes from her original in order to reflect my own experiences.]
Face in the mirror
You are the face I recognize, the face I know, the face I greet each morning and try to rationalize a reason not to shave.
Yes, the face I love, despite the lines and scars and spots and occasional crusty stuff in my eyelids where in hell does that come from?
You and I have traveled together, collected mementos of Life and other board games.
Your eye-crinkles and mouth-creases... reminders of laughter and reasons to smile and the many, many, many, many alcoholic beverages and cold pills.
Deep lines between your brows... etched during late nights learning to count cards in another vain attempt at not having to work 9-to-5 anymore.
Tiny scar on your forehead... souvenir of the time you used your parents bed as a trampoline and cracked your skull against the headboard when you were three. Or was it twenty-six? I forget.
Dark spots... I've never understood why only part of me freckles and the rest stays white. What's up with that? Freckles are like a permanent tan, but only on part of you. That's really messed up when you think of it.
(And how did I get this one freckle on my penis? I don't recall losing my pants at the beach. And where's my underwear? While we're at it, whose dog is this? And why is he looking at me that way?)
Remember The Alamo!
Is Barbara still reading? You really should visit her place. That's the least she should get out of this. And, anyway, this isn't as funny as it would be if you had seen her original and compared the two.
My Life
Better yet, MY WIFE.
Better yet, MY WIFE.
My face.
(Or is it a canned ham...)
(Or is it a canned ham...)
Soon, with more better stuff.
31 comments:
OK, I was with you until you got to the freckle on yer schlong. . .
Oh my gosh, yours is much better than mine! Love it! Thanks for the laugh - an honest-to-goodness, "laugh out loud and choke on my lunch" laugh!!
LOL! How did that get there?
What Craig said. Overshare. But mebbe not for the distaff side. ;-)
BRILLIANT!!! I've printed this out and may have it framed.
"(Or is it a canned ham...)"
It is what it is.
Gee! Thanks, Skip!
Methinks you've given me a leeetle bit too much information, Sully.
Bigger Girl loves poetry. Thought about reading this aloud, since she is in the kitchen now. Glad i didn't, although this is very, very funny.
Now I'm wondering just how it came about that you were "searching" for freckles and found that one lone one there in that particular place. Care to explain that bit, Jim?
And come to think about the poem a tad more makes me think the "Canned ham" is a pretty accurate self-description but not just of yourself -rather for many of us!
Heh heh heh.
You're a real sicko.
I like that about you. ;)
I don't know but I don't think I needed to know about "that" freckle!!
Seriously???
Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn
Sheesh. All this fuss about a freckle. OK, here's the deal: I've had that freckle since I was about 8 or 9. No idea how it came to be there, unless I had a small hole in a bathing suit when I got a sunburn.
Sheesh.
Words fail me, Canned Ham, although that scar on your forehead sounds like a goods story in the making.
Schlong freckles? That make a good name for a band, Mr. Flaming LaRue.
I usually never ever drink coffee while reading your blog (ok, when its a sports post I do sip but I check before I do just in case) and this is why .. please send me a new keyboard, I snorted coffee all over it...
Mirror, mirror on the wall-
who talks to mirrors anymore?
Didn't the Schlong Freckles open for the Grateful Dead at Altamont?
"Mementos of Life and other board games."
Nice.
Great stuff, Jim, as usual.
Too funny. I had indeed read Barbara's post and it's wonderful. And yours is hysterical.
I would imagine that the freckle is a beauty spot, Jim...we all have one somewhere on our bodies and why not put one where [very few?] people will see it.
A laugh out loud post from my fav.
ok, i am totally stealing this idea too and will credit appropriately. too much fun! barbara's is a wonderful affirmation and yours is a hilarious celebration.
as for the freckle thing...well i am married to a redheaded man...yeah, i'll just leave it at that....other than to say "dong freckles" would be a great name for a rock band.
hey you
l am back but in a different place
luv ALice (fff)
This morning, you and Eddie Bluelights have prompted me to put "Depends" on today's shopping list.
xoxoxo, cd
Very cute, Suldog. Maybe TMI about your special freckle, but we're all adults reading this, I hope.
I have a special freckle too; it's a huge one on top of my right foot behind my little toe. I've had it all my life, I watch it for signs of skin cancer.....and get sick & tired of doctors gasping whenever they see it because they think it's a skin cancer.
No, not interested in showing you my freckle if you show me yours. :-)
I love Barbara's for it's honesty and simplicity, but yours is just plain old hilarious.
THIS is my favorite freckle part - "Freckles are like a permanent tan, but only on part of you. That's really messed up when you think of it." I couldn't agree more!
"And whose dog is this?" reminds me of a friend of long ago. He had a wickedly off-the-wall sense of humor...worked for a small locally owned grocery store, carrying packages to cars. One day, as he walked outside with an elderly lady, they were greeted by a pack of yapping dogs in the parking lot. Quipped Roger: "Which dog are you on?"
He got fired.
But that line became his classic!
Remember the Alamo!
PS - By the way, thanks for dropping in on my grandbaby post. And since you are one who doesn't especially think babies are cute, I take it as the highest compliment that you like mine!
PPS - Notice how I refrained from speaking of the unusually placed freckle?
PPPS - Well, I guess I have to take that back. Dang.
Using your parents bed as a trampoline. . . received a few bruises ourselves from those headboards. But what fun times!
The crusty eyelid stuff, the freckled penis, the dog. . . LMAO!!
admiring the stache sk
If it was supposed to be hairless, it wouldn't grow hair!
...ladies, don't read too much into that statement...
Read Barbara's too.
Both posts made me chuckle.
Have a good week-end. Although you probably won't see this until Monday, so hope you had a good one. :)
I actually came back to read this after reaing this one..
thanks to both for a great laugh
http://thesurlywriter.blogspot.com/2011/07/freckled-schlong.html
Had to go read Barbara's then come back and read this again. Much funnier the second time! Good stuff!
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