Thursday, April 05, 2007

I Am Now 180, So If You're Edible, You're In Danger Again

It’s Wednesday night, April 4th, and it’s snowing outside.

(This is better than it snowing inside, but just barely.)

I am cooking a pot of macaroni and tomatoes. This is despite the fact that I gave up flour products (as well as dairy) for Lent. I figure if God isn’t going to play by the rules, giving us a snowstorm in APRIL, then I can have a night off, too.

Actually, I’m breaking my fast because of three things:

1 – I’m freakin’ hungry.

2 – I’m freakin’ cold.

3 – I freakin’ reached my goal of weighing 180 before the softball season.

When I had the first thought about having the macaroni, which was in my car on the way home from work in a SNOWSTORM IN APRIL, I decided that I would weigh myself before I started cooking. If I still weighed 181, which is what I weighed when I went to work this morning – when it wasn’t snowing – I would still be a good boy and have gefilte fish and schav. However, if I weighed 180 or less, I was damned well going to have the macaroni.

I am a somewhat svelte 180, so over the lips and through the gums, look out stomach, here it comes.

Sheesh. What a rebel. Macaroni. You’d think I’d go out and buy a box of Mallomars and a gallon of chocolate milk to wash them down with and whip up some chocolate mousse for dessert, and maybe have cream cheese and a couple boxes of saltines for a snack and then chocolate chip cookies just for shits and giggles. Nah. Macaroni and plain tomatoes. I'm the rebel without a sauce.

Is that Judas Priest I hear playing in the background? Breakin’ the law! Breakin’ the law! I think I’ll go tear the tag off of my mattress after dinner. Woo-Hoo!

Enough of this crap. The timer just went off. See you tomorrow.


David Sullivan said...

My wife and I similarly cut out carbs and sweets this time every year, but because we head down south for a week on the beach each Mother's day. We too had pasta (with garlic bread) for the first time in four weeks (We even broke into some the kids Easter candy).

Must be the Sullivan way of saying f-off to Mother Nature.

Peter N said...

I hear that something will happen shortly after 2pm. But I have no idea what. Edible food expiring? Maybe. Or a Red Sox pitcher climbing into our hearts, for good? That's better..... Sul, hello! Peter

Suldog said...

It's now lunchtime, Thursday, and the mere thought of garlic bread is making my mouth water uncontrollably. Excuse me, I have to... go open my can of stinkin' tuna.

KAYLEE said...

garlic bread? You guys are making me hungry and its only 3:000 here may have to eat now:)

Melinda said...

Congrats on making it to 180. I can completely empathize with the struggle to lose weight, however I have discovered the secret:

Move to England and run around the city trying to catch trains and buses, then drink beer and eat fish and chips in pubs and then walk around some more while sightseeing. Apparently the effect of constant movement negates the excessive amount of fattening (but oh-so-yummy) beer and greasy fish * chips.

While I am ignoring the possibility that running after 30 children 5 days a week might also be a factor, as long as I don't gain weight during my two-week holiday, I think it's safe to start writing a Tell-all Diet Book about how to Lose Weight and Be a London Tourist.

Meanwhile, I raise a glass of chocolate milk to your accomplishment! Keep warm & hopefully God decides to make the snow go away SOON.

endangered coffee said...

Sorry I haven't checked in for a while. Congrats on the 180. I'm actually headed in the other direction, looking to crack 200 for the first time, but I'm just pretending it's sympathy weight because my wife is pregnant.