100 Things About Me - Part One

I never really read any blogs until I started writing this one. Now, having seen a few of them, I realize that one of the things that many bloggers write is the "100 Things About Me" column. I don't know; it seems a bit egotistical. I'm sort of uncomfortable with that.

Yeah, right.

I'm not sure how anybody else does it, but I'm just going to start typing stuff and keep going until I get to number 100. I'll warn you right now - each of these items will probably end up being a full-fledged blog entry someday. As a matter of fact, I'll probably just go down the list and expand upon them for the next 100 or so days, so if you want to know what's coming up, just keep this entry handy. Here goes:

1 - I smoke. Kools, mostly. I started 34 years ago. I'd like to quit, but mainly because I expect that sooner or later my smoking will cause a whole bunch of heartache for the people who love me. I feel bad about that probability. However, if I end up with a hideous disease, I won't complain. Whatever happens will have been nobody's fault but mine.

2 - I play the bass guitar. I'm a very good bass guitar player, but not a very good musician in the classical sense. I play well, but I can only barely read music and I don't have perfect pitch. As long as my bass is in tune, I'm dynamite. I'm liable to go slightly out of tune, though, and not notice it as quickly as I should. Since I am mostly self-taught, I don't play "correctly". For instance, while most bass players use their fingers to pluck the strings using an upward motion, I use my thumb in alternating down and up strokes. Whereas some players use a pick, when I need to strum I just use my fingernail. I have damned good chops, but I play all wrong.

3 - I know more about gambling, and the odds associated with it, than 99% of the people in the world. I can count cards proficiently enough to be a favorite over the house at most blackjack tables. However, I'm a compulsive gambler. Therefore, although I know how to win, I rarely do. If I could teach what I know to someone with control, that person would probably be able to make significant money. The last time I gambled, I lost way more money than I should have. Stupidest damned thing I've done in, well, at least the past twenty years. I'm still in financial difficulty because of it and so ashamed of it that I had a hard time mentioning it here.

4 - I love playing softball. I've gone on about this at length previously, so I won't do it again now.

5 - I love The Three Stooges. All six of them. If I were forced to choose one as my favorite, I think it would be Larry Fine.

6 - I'm married. I love MY WIFE. She is perfect for me. She asks little and appreciates much. I like to think I do the same.

7 - Despite the order of this, I love MY WIFE more than The Three Stooges, softball, gambling, music, and smoking. If it came down to her life, I would give up all of them.

(7a - I hope it doesn't come down to her life, because I've tried to quit smoking before and have never been able to go more than two days.)

8 - Baseball is my favorite sport to watch. I played it incessantly when I was younger. Fast-Pitch Softball became my substitute for it as I aged.

9 - Heavy Metal is my favorite musical form. I know that many of the practitioners of this form are cretins. When compared to classically-trained musicians, some are barely musicians at all. However, the form excites me more than any other, so I'm willing to sift through the crap in order to find the occasional diamond.

10 - I'm about 15 pounds heavier than I'd like to be.

11 - I used to do a lot of drugs, but I don't now. This was my business, not anybody else's. I'm not ashamed of having done them. I am ashamed of how I treated a couple of people while I was doing them.

12 - I'm 5'10", but I've told people that I'm 5'11" for years now. Why? Just a guy thing. I think most guys who are under 6' tall will lie about their height, given the chance. As a matter of fact, I'm probably closer to 5'9", so I lied to begin this paragraph.

13 - I'm 48 years old, but inside of my head I still see myself as 18 or 19. The longer I stay away from a mirror, the longer this image remains.

14 - I drink milk with almost every meal. This goes back to my childhood, when milk was considered much healthier than it is now. My father was the son of a milkman and he often accompanied him on his route, helping him in making deliveries. He drank whole milk his entire life. So did I, until I made the switch to 1% about 12 years ago. Now whole milk tastes almost like cream to me.

15 - My favorite snack is peanut butter and crackers with a glass of chocolate milk. I can eat a whole sleeve of saltines with peanut butter in one sitting.

16 - #'s 14 & 15 are probably why #10 is true.

17 - I drink about 5 or 6 cups of coffee a day.

18 - I always wear sneakers - unless I'm wearing a suit, which I do voluntarily perhaps twice a year and involuntarily whenever someone dies. The sneakers I wear are inexpensive and made of cloth - boat shoes, really. I own one pair of black shoes to wear with suits.

19 - I own three suits. This means that each one gets worn about once a year. If I remain about the same weight, and styles don't change too radically, I expect to never have to buy another suit in my life.

20 - I'm a Libertarian. I believe that everybody has the right to do whatever they damn well please, as long as their actions hurt nobody else. I believe the only useful and right functions of government are military defense, adjudication of grievances, and making certain that nobody interferes with another person's right to do as they please without hurting anybody. Everything else is better handled privately.

21 - Having said that, I've got a pretty good life. I'm willing to listen to reasoned arguments concerning government's handling of such functions as street cleaning, snow plowing, emergency services in the case of natural disasters, or whatever else you might think about. However, an emotive appeal ("Think of the children!") always sounds like a load of crap to me. Bring facts to the table and I'll listen.

22 - My favorite athlete is Doug Flutie. I think that if he had been given a fair chance in the NFL when he was younger, he would be hall-of-fame bound. As it is, he probably still should be. When you combine his NFL, CFL, and USFL stats, I believe you'll find that he has passed for more yardage, professionally, than all but two others in the history of football. That's good enough for me.

23 - I was married on February 29th. Therefore, we celebrate our anniversary once every four years. In 2008, we will celebrate our fourth anniversary.

24 - I was born on March 2nd. I am a Pisces. Whatever. I share the same birthday as Jackie Gleason, Jay Osmond, Winston Churchill and Lou Reed. That should tell you right there that astrology is full of crap.

25 - I am a Christian. I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I used to be a Catholic. I'm not now. As with things political, I'm willing to live and let live concerning other's religious beliefs. Give respect, get respect.

And that's it for part one. Now, get back to work!

Go to Part Two