Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I Am Still Dave Barry's Contemporary


Last time we spoke...

(Except for a select few of you who are deranged and actually went out of your way to have dinner with me at some point, we haven't actually spoken. I've typed and you've read. Just getting that out of the way for the literalists in the crowd.)

... I told you about my upcoming publications. In that extremely self-serving bit of flummery, I promised I'd tell you about each actual print edition as it became available. I'm a man of my word (the word, in this case, is "vain") so here I am telling you about the first one to reach the newsstands. It is a piece entitled I Split My Head Open and it appears in the current issue of Funny Times.

(Those of you with subscriptions, which should be all of you, knew this already. If you don't have a subscription, click on the link and get one, damn it. When I win my Pulitzer, anyone who can prove loyalty, by walking up to me and pulling out a weathered copy of this issue and saying "Hey, Bub, I supported you back when you were living on spoons of peanut butter straight from the jar!", will be my guest for dinner at the nearest KFC. I won't be chintzy about it, either - all white meat.)

You may remember how I wrote about being Dave Barry's contemporary back when my first appearance in Funny Times happened. I am delighted to report that we are still contemporaries. He is also in this issue.

(Back then, I actually wrote to Dave Barry and told him we were contemporaries. The reason I did so was because, many years back, I had written to him asking his advice on how to become a humor columnist. True story. This was way before e-mail, so I had actually stuffed my letter into an envelope, along with one or two samples of what was probably some wholly execrable writing, and imposed upon him to read my stuff and be overwhelmed with my nascent genius. He was kind enough to write back. He gave me all kinds of good advice which I ignored for about thirty years. So, when I was actually published in the same monthly as him, I thought it only fair to thank him for his previous kindness. The lesson here is that if you do me a favor, I'll thank you thirty years later, so if you think I've stiffed you lately, don't give up hope.)

(He replied to my recent e-mail, also, and signed it "Your Contemporary, Dave Barry". He's a nice guy, no joke at all. And how have I repaid his kindness? By basically telling every wanna-be writer in Christendom that he'll answer their letters personally. I'm a peach.)

Anyway, that's today's good news. Buy Funny Times! Think of it as an investment in future fried chicken.

Soon, with more battered stuff.

17 comments:

silly rabbit said...

Yay! I can't wait to read it. I love any story about actual injury that does not result in death or long term problems. Though I suppose one could argue that when I split my head open, it did give me that touch of crazy. =;]

Michelle H. said...

Totally awesome!

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

I bet you could get a Florida Driver's License, too.

OldAFSarge said...

I like to say that Dave Barry is YOUR contemporary.

(I have had head injuries, this might be what silly rabbit refers to as a "long term problem"...)

Jackie said...

So proud of you, Jim.
And am impressed that Dave Barry answers letters personally. What a classy guy.
Congratulations, again, to you....
Jackie

Lowandslow said...

I agree with what Jackie said, word for word. You're living my dream. :)

S

messymimi said...

It tickles my funny bone every time you sell something, knowing that you are actually breaking into this world and able to make a living by doing what you love!

Buck said...

You just keep on keepin' on, Jim. At some point in time Barry will be writing YOU for tips.

Absolut Ruiness said...

Your joy at your success comes through in this post. I can positively see you smiling while hitting the keys. Keep up the good work Jim! Dave Barry seems to be like an really nice guy. You must have impressed him good for him to take time out and give you guidelines.

The Broad said...

So now Dave Barry knows what we have all known for years -- you are a very funny man! Congratulations to him!xo

Karen said...

You always make me smile :)

Craig said...

Well, you know, Dave Barry and I, aside from being contemporaries (since, you know, I'm your contemporary, just like him; I think it's called the Transitive Law of Contemporaneity, or something like that) have both written about our colonoscopies. . . (And, I flatter myself to think, not half badly; well, mine might be half-bad; Dave's was hilarious. . .)

So, I should expect you to comment on my (admittedly sparse, lately) blog posts in thirty years or so?

;)

Anonymous said...

c/m - Now that you are getting published "regularly" in Funny Times I finally broke down and subscribed. I will not, however, subscribe to the Herald. When is that one supposed to appear.

Suldog said...

c/m - Thank you. It shall not have been in vain (at least, I hope not.) If your subscription does not start with this issue, let me know and I'll make a copy of the column for you.

(This offer applies only to those of you who just became subscribers. Proof will be required by some, but not c/m because she is My Mother, and if you can't trust your own mother, you may as well shuffle off your mortal coil.)

As for the Herald, I expect publication sometime in the next few days. I'll crow about it here when it happens, of course.

Hilary said...

I'll bet Dave Barry's mom (if she is among the living) doesn't leave comments on his blog! Your post made me smile. Of course, they usually do.

Chris said...

That is really awesome, Jim, and doesn't surprise me about Mr. Barry. Christopher Moore is another one who's very good about responding to e-mail and whatnot.

Proud of you, my friend. Keep up the hilarity.

lime said...

i'm so late getting here but that is a fabulous story! i love it when someone famous shows that kind of decency and humor. thanks for sharing.