You know him as a grown-up man, but I thought a photo of him at the same sort of age as I am would be fun. You see, I'm just a young plant, even though I'm already pretty big! Can you guess what kind of plant I am?
That's my Grandfather (on my mother's side) Phil. He lives in Arizona. His photo came from Great Big Plants, where he tells me he is boss over all the kumquats, and he expects a promotion to supervisor of lemons any day now!
Yes, he will be very old and look exactly like Victor Meldrew, except my friend, Suldog, is an optimist. He thinks he will live long enough to see me bear fruit. I think he has a better chance at becoming the next Pope, but you never know!
How did I become me? My friend, Suldog, was eating his breakfast one day, and...
(Hmmmmmmmmm. My friend, Suldog, was eating my mother, basically. That's sort of... I don't want to think about it anymore. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!)
Anyway, he took a seed and planted it, and I started growing in about three weeks. Suldog's WIFE didn't know that I had been planted, and she thought her husband was mentally incompetent and making mud pies because he kept pouring water into a bunch of dirt for no apparent reason. When he told her that he was growing a grapefruit tree, she said, "Sure you are..."
But, here I am!
And she really likes me where I am, too! The other day, I heard her say, "You're going to keep that plant out in the yard, right? That's where I'd rather see it than in the house."
See? She loves me just as much as my friend, Suldog, who ate my mother.
If he lives long enough, I wonder if he'll eat my babies, too? Sometimes I wish I had legs instead of roots! I'd run and run and run and...
Well, it doesn't do any good to wish for things you know can't happen. My "friend", Suldog, wishes all the time he was 24 again and could still hit a good fastball, but he's 54 and has to sit on change-ups. Serves him right for eating my mother!
I have friends here in the garden!
They were both Christmas presents from Suldog's friends at work. This is their first time out of the house, too! We're all enjoying the sunshine and the many cats, squirrels, birds, and skunks who come to visit us and try to eat us and who leave behind such interesting calling cards!
Did I mention that I wish I had legs? I'd run and run and run and if I had fingers and a cell phone maybe I'd call a cab, instead, or better yet, buy a gun!
(Since I don't have fingers, you may be wondering how I'm typing this. I'm doing it with my nose, which I wish I didn't have when the skunks are here.)
Well, it's been nice meeting you, and I hope you enjoyed the brief respite I provided from Suldog going on and on and on about modified fast-pitch softball! If you're ever in Watertown, stop by and say "Hello!", and maybe call me a cab? Or at least shoot the damn skunks.
(Here's what Suldog says when he's not busy eating somebody's mother...)
Soon, with more better stuff.