Thursday, December 09, 2010

If You Need A Reason To Be Thankful This Christmas, Here's One...



I enjoy Christmas. The music, the lights, the giving and the receiving of gifts, the visiting of relatives, the good food, the religious aspects... All of these things bring me pleasure during the month of December (and even into a bit of January, what with Epiphany and all.)

Some folks, however, have a hard time getting their jolly on. I couldn't possibly list all of the reasons for humbuggery, but I can certainly understand some of them. If I were an atheist, for example, or maybe a follower of a different religion, I'd be hard-pressed to find happiness in a celebration of someone's birth whom I considered either fictional or highly overrated. On the other end of the spectrum, extremely holy rollers get their sacred underwear in a twist concerning the secularization of the season. Me? I think it's all more-or-less swell. I'm a Christian - and proud to say so - but I dig the traditional Santa Claus stuff, too. Live and let live, as they preach at some 12 Steps Of Christmas programs. As long as nobody is harshing my buzz, I see no reason to harsh theirs. And, in that spirit and in order to actually increase their enjoyment, I offer the following.

The other day, at work, I came across something that I'm positive will put into perspective any misery you think you're experiencing. You may already know that I do voice-overs and commercial production for a living. And, if you didn't know it before, now you do. One of the jobs I'm often called upon to perform is the editing of recordings by other talents (which is what we voice-over folk call each other, whether we really possess any or not.) The script this talent voiced was for a company that supplies sanitary facilities for job sites, concert venues, and other places without permanent plumbing fixtures.

In other words, they supply port-a-potties.

Obviously, any such script is bound to be rife with opportunities for cheap laughs, but I won't be going for any here because there was one paragraph in the script that made me realize life is pretty darn good for just about all of us. I don't want to detract from that message by offering up scatological humor. Perhaps some other time.

Meanwhile, here's the paragraph in question:

Restroom trailers are the way to give your most important guests a "just like home" bathroom experience. These trailers come with heat and air conditioning, sinks, lighted vanities, flushing toilets, and porcelain fixtures. We have trailers as small as 2 stalls and 10 feet long, for small private events, to units with 10 stalls and 28 feet long, for larger gatherings. We can also provide restroom attendants to ensure the complete satisfaction of your guests.

So, think you're having a tough time of it this holiday season? Wipe that scowl off your face, Ebenezer. No matter how bad things may seem, at least you aren't a freakin' restroom attendant in a port-a-potty.

(Unless, of course, you are. If so, then feel free to bitch, and God bless you.)

Soon, with more better stuff.


32 comments:

Cricket said...

Perhaps, in the interest of "complete satisfaction," this company should team up with the purveyors of industrial vibrators?

I'm just sayin'.

Craig said...

Yeah, if my job was to provide complete satisfaction (!) to guys in a deluxe port-a-john. . . Well, the imagination just knows no bounds. . .

But hey, if I could swing me a gig for complete satisfaction in a women's port-a-can, that might not be too bad. . .

Everyday Goddess said...

You are so right! What a horrible job. I remember feeling sad for the ladies who had those jobs in places like museums or theaters. I'd wash my hands quickly avoiding eye contact and get away fast. Ugh!

Lori said...

Yep, you are so right, it can always be worse. I am one of those that have a hard time getting my jolly on for Christmas but I am always thankful and trying to make merry inspite of whatever is thrown my way.

The Good Cook said...

Attendants for Port-o-potties... wow. What type of classy event would that be? It boggles the mind.

Quirkyloon said...

And what about those special soap cakes they use to keep the porta potty smelling fresh.

Yes, I've been camping before. I know things.

hee hee

But I'm still in a bah humbug mood.

IT said...

Yeah, like I'd want Port-A-Pottie Restroom Attendant on my c.v.

haphazardlife said...

I love the "just like home" experience. In a port-a-potty.

I'm having trouble wrapping my head around that one.

And yeah, being an "attendant" in the shit trailer. Ouch.

- Jazz

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

All I can visualize is someone standing in the corner of one of those teeny little port-a-potties offerring me a fresh wet-nap. Um...

3GirlKnight said...

I wonder what the job requirements for a portapottie attendant are. "Applicant must not have a sense of smell, does not need to know how to flush, must be able to explain what that smaller receptacle to the left is for."

Uncle Skip, said...

Ah, the sights and sounds of...

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Oh, come on! Bring on the scatological humor!

"12 Steps of Christmas"

Brilliant.

lime said...

lord have mercy, that IS reason to give thanks...though when i consider my previous place of employment...the position you suggest may have been preferable. pretty happy where i'm at now though, thanks very much.

Teacher's Pet said...

Jim...I smile. And, I also look at it from another perspective. These people do have a job...and there are so many without one....even though it is perhaps a dirty job.
Saying that, I do know that you post with a sense of humor....and it is well taken. I enjoy coming here and reading your blogs....and I do hope that you have a very Merry Christmas...you and Your Wife. I know that you will. (I'm working on the fruit cake.)
Love,
Jackie

Red Hamster said...

Oh, now I feel guilty for Tweeting this morning about how construction in my office building is making me walk down 3 floors to find an available women's restroom, but at least it's indoors and not a port-a-potty. As always, thanks for helping us keep our perspective on life. ;-)

Buck said...

Well, who knew? We're all of us familiar with the standard evil odoriferous port-a-john... but I never heard of trailers with flushing porcelain fixtures and attendants. I'm thinkin' I'm just too down-market, now.

So your post had the opposite effect on me. Now I feel deprived and sullen, resenting as I do my inability to move (heh) in The Best Circles. That increases my humbuggery quotient by a factor of at least three.

Suldog said...

You know, Buck, it's funny the different way some folk have taken this. I thought it was just a quick laugh. All I can picture, no matter how many times I read about porcelain and such, is some poor bastard with a towel draped over his arm in one of your standard nasty portable johns. But you have a unique slant on it, and I've heard from more than one person about how nice it would be for some to have the job (or ANY job, I suppose) during these tough times. Truth in that, I suppose.

And, yeah, now that you mention it, I wouldn't be averse to trying out the more high-on-the-hog variety of traveling loo.

Craig said...

See now, I took another look at this, and I see that they're going for "a 'just like home' bathroom experience". . . Hence the porcelain fixtures, flush toilets, etc. . .

Fair enough, but who the heck (that isn't on the list of billionaires) has an attendant in their bathroom at home?

If they really wanted to make it 'just like home', they should make you wait by the door while your teenage daughter touches up her makeup, and then have five people knock on your stall door, asking when you're gonna be done. . .

Jillsy Girl said...

sounds like the Cadillac of port-a-johns!!

Barbara Shallue said...

Thanks for putting my job back into perspective. I'll get back to work now...

Boom Boom Larew said...

The only time I've actually used those port-a-potties is at the Renaissance Faire. They had comely wenches to give you your towels when you'd finished washing your hands. I don't know about you, but for me that didn't exactly equate to a "just like home" bathroom experience!

Sandra said...

Well, in every industry there have to be entry-level jobs, so in the port-a-pottie industry I guess that's restroom attendant! :)

Voice-over: "No work experience? No special skills? No problem -- we have the job for you. Ever used a bathroom? Of course you have. So you have the experience you need for THIS job. Call us and we'll talk about this opportunity for you to get in on the ground floor of a moving and shaking industry, port-a-potties."

i beati said...

oh how very civilized restroom trailers!!Happy lessed Christmas to you and yours

Michelle H. said...

I've never used a port-a-potty. But some of those sound freakin' ritzy. Heat and air conditioning??? Wow! Anyway, a merry Epiphany to you as well as a Hoo-hoo-hoo Christmas :-)

Daryl said...

I am going to get a shot of one of the 'greeters' at the Charmin Bathroom .. he's dressed like a toilet .. I couldnt make this stuff up ...

slommler said...

Restroom attendants in a port-o-potty??? Now I have heard about everything!! Ha!!
Sounds like an amazing latrine though!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Joan said...

I would not like that job but... we went to a Chris Isaak concert a couple of months ago, and there were restrooms like that. It was a huge trailer and very nice inside. :)

Kathryn Magendie said...

Ah . . . you've made me count me blessin's *laugh*

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Thanks, Suldog, for the reminder how lucky most of us are.
Peace, Judi

Crazed Nitwit said...

I have much joy this Christmas~McArmy will be home and he has a new relationship with God, I'm employed, my skin is clear, I'm warm and safe and relatively dry.
Praise God.

Hugs.

Maggie May said...

You are truly funny!
I love the fact that you love Christmas so much. I enjoy it too but never seem to be prepared!

One of my memories of using a portaloo, wass when we went to a large firework display and I asked my husband to stand outside and guard the door because there were no lights inside and I had to leave the door slightly open to be able to see what I was doing.
When I came out, he was gone. He had taken short & gone into the next one!
I could have been on view to everyone.
Last time I asked him to do that.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Hilary said...

Oh poor, sad port-a-potty attendants but consider the acoustics in one of those trailers. I can hear them singing now. "It's my potty and I'll cry if I want to.."