Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Awards Of Smiley Brown Sugar Cinnamon Boobage



Yet again, I have been singled out for undeserved and unwelcome praise - three times. And, yet again, I will be an ungrateful dolt, making fun of the wonderful people who gave me awards.

Lola (L-O-L-A, LOLA!) over at Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino has given me the following doodad.



I rather like this one, actually. However, since I intend to accept the third award with absolutely no viciousness whatsoever (and I bet that piques your curiosity) I have to make hay while the sun shines. Sorry, Charlie! Oops, I mean Lola!

(All of my readers from the U.K., under the age of 6, will get that reference. HERE'S the explanation for the rest of you.)

Lola (make up your own 'Lola' jokes from here on out, I don't think you could do any worse) writes a blog full of all kinds of recipes and stories about food.

(As a matter of fact, all three of these awards have at least something to do with things you put in your mouth. You'll see.)

Lola resides in Rome, Italy. As everyone knows, Mussolini came from Italy and he was fat, so we can assume he liked Italian food. Therefore, via my usual impeccable logic, I have decided that Lola's blog is a fascist plot to overthrow the United States government by means of making us so grossly obese that our president won't be able to release the nuclear weapons because his button-pushing-finger will be too pudgy! I suggest everybody boycott Italian restaurants for at least the next twenty years, just to be safe.

(By the way, what's up with pasta? I love me a good plate of spaghetti and meatballs, but let's face facts, people. All pasta is the same stuff. The only difference is the shape. What's up with that? It's like if you called a plum a plum, but if it got all dried up and wrinkly, you called it something else entirely. Silly Italians! You've got your macaroni, linguine, fusilli, spaghetti, bucatini, fettuccine, tagliatelle, penne, manicotti, righetti, andretti, lasorda, conigliaro, esposito, petrocelli, canzoneri, and ferragamo. The list is endless, but this joke only seems so. Cerone! Let's try something else.)

I make you smile, Lola? Have you been smoking oregano? It is not my intention to make you smile. Everything I write is deadly serious.

For example, look at THIS.

(Holy Mary On A Merry-Go-Round! Did I actually put that stuff out in public? I guess so. If I wasn't the one who did it, then I should be busy hunting down and slaying whoever it was that did do it! What a desecration to my ultimate legacy!)

That kind of thing makes you smile, Lola? You are one SICK woman. Do you always make fun of the handicapped, or is it just a special exception in my case? It's not easy being the way I am, you know. Folks like you should have a bit more sympathy. Someday, maybe you'll end up like this...



And it's not easy living with a parasitic twin up your nose, let me tell you.

Enough about Lolasaurus. It's time for some dessert cleverly disguised as breakfast food!



Pouty Baby has given me The Pop Tart Award. Here's what it said over at her place.

"... the Pop Tart Award [is] to be given to bloggers who have an addictive story line."

Me? An addictive story line? Around here, there isn't consistency from hour to hour, let alone day to day. I go from blasphemous rants to nostalgic childhood memories to ridiculously overblown softball epics to cheap jokes involving the destruction of a dildo.

(Oops! Didn't mean to give that away. The dildo story is next week. Well, at least now I've guaranteed that the perverts among you - and, judging from the reactions, that would be most of you - will be coming back.)

The point is, I may be addictive, but only if you lick me, because I'm still sweating out pain meds I took back in the 80's. The only story line here is my megalomania (and perhaps the possibility of seeing someone get so insulted that he'll pop me one in the nose, but I think Fast Freddy Goodman has a good enough sense of humor to take a joke, and... Oops! Didn't mean to give that away, either. The joke about Fast Freddy is next paragraph. Well, at least I know that the Fast Freddies among you - and, judging from the reactions, that would be nobody, so let's move on.) If you dig that sort of thing, I suppose it qualifies, but you surely have to realize that identifying yourself with me won't raise your esteem with the rest of the world.

I do like Pop Tarts, though, especially the frosted brown sugar cinnamon ones. I slather 'em in ketchup, wrap them up in big slices of baloney, and leave them scattered around the outfield in an attempt to find out if there's anything Fast Freddy Goodman won't eat. So far, they've all disappeared, but I haven't actually seen Fast Freddy eating them, so it may have been Big Jay Atton.

Eh. Now I'm just being weird.

(NOW he's just being weird?)

Thing is, I have little invective to dole out. It's too soon since the last time I released the beast. I'm still in my refractory period.

Mooing right along - and, no, that's not misspelled, which you'll understand in a moment - I received another award. It came from Michelle, over at The Surly Writer. So far as I know, I am - thus far - the sole recipient of this award. I'm the test pilot, I guess. And, well, WOO-HOO!





Hot damn! Somebody finally came up with an award I'm happy to accept!

(And no, I'm not giving it to anyone else. At least, not for another fifteen minutes or so. After that, you can have it, but it might be a bit worse for wear.)

Soon, with more (what would just about have to be) better stuff.


31 comments:

Hilary said...

Thanks for keeping us.. ummm.. abreast of the awards situation - ya silly boob. :)

Pouty Lips said...

Udder foolishness this talk about destroying dildos and desecrated pop tarts left in the outfield for Freddy to devour. Mooing right along...

Michelle H. said...

HE FORCED ME TO DO IT!

I had to come up with something that he couldn't diss on his blog. The challenge was there, and I took the opportunity.

He didn't clearly mention the reason why I gave him the award. There are many, but I'll mention one that indirectly connects to this one that may or may not be the actual reason but I'm solely mentioning it because it sounds good. (Go ahead, decipher that rigamarole.)

"We have all come to know this man (yes, I'm standing on a soapbox, see the apostrophes - just bear with this speech) who pops in at our blogs, especially the newbies, and does not hesitate to redirect blog traffic from his site to ours. And for that, appreciation must be given for this support. For Jim is very supportive, and gals like me who started out with few blog readers would have never known what to do without his support."

Yes, everyone. Jim is a woman's ultimate support. He is a bra (or at least he wishes to be.

Of course, Hilary has to start the cleavage comments...

I must say, the camera's flash made my complexion look quite lovely for the award. Maybe I should go into modeling...

Chris Stone said...

the "supportive blogger award" is a perfect fit for you!

er, well, *hope not,* lol.

Angie Ledbetter said...

All hail the King of Boobage, Touter of Tatas!

PS What happened to your new blog title, 1A? :)

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I completely agree with Michelle's assessment and decision to give you the Boobie Award. For those that don't know, Suldog is almost completely responsible for anyone reading my blog (so you can blame him, I guess). I too appreciate his kindness and support. Great job, Michelle . . . he deserves it!

Suldog said...

Oh, that was just a joke for the sake of a cheap laugh, Angie. Just like everything else I do, come to think of it

Suldog said...

Chris - Oh, please. The reason people read you is because you're a fantastic writer. If I got a few of them there to find it out, big whoop. I mean that.

Michelle H. said...

Haha! That should be quotation marks instead of apostrophes in my speech... oops!

jinksy said...

B R A - stands for Big, Ranting, Amigo - no?

Best Rediculous Author?

Brilliant + Read = Addictive ?

Shrinky said...

Aw, you deserve each and every one of them, so you do!

Brian Miller said...

congrats on the awards. too fun. big fan of Lola's so your description was amazing. lol. hope you have a great day admiring your reflection in the awards.

Jazz said...

The only reason you get this many awards is because we're all a bunch of masochists - we thrive on your abuse.

Though the boob award - shoulda known that's what it would take to shut you up. ;-)

Karen said...

Ha! I hadn't seen your 'certifiable' pics until today. Did Scorsese ever call?

Suldog said...

Karen - I wish. Nope. Not a single ring. I would have figured somebody might have called just to find out if I was for real.

Jeni said...

You and your antics are most definitely very addictive! As a blogger, you are also very supportive too so I have to agree completely with those who gave these awards to you. Well deserved they are!

connie/mom said...

Shouldn't that last one count as TWO awards?????

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Never put ketchup on a brown sugar PopTart, never.

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Oh I knew you'd break one day. Next you'll be awarding them on, designing your own, giving out tags. It gets to us all in the end. Well done, you deserve them all, especially the upper decker flopper stopper. x

Eddie Bluelights said...

I didn't know you needed a bra, Jim! What size are you? I'll ship some more over to you.

Now look here while I am at it!
What has Lola got that I haven't got? (Don't answer that!!!).

I mean when I recently gave you an award, "The Uplifting Blogger Award", you gave me a right roasting (far hotter than anything David does on his Sunday Roast) and just look how you behaved to me!!! - I was most hurt!! and had to get my own back by threatening to invade your country and take it back into the British Empire!!
And look, a cool chick from Italy brezzes in and you wilt and accept her award without a whimper!!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!! BLUB BLUB!

Many congratulations, Jim and you just wait! . . . and keep looking over your shoulder for I shall come like a thief in the night and bestow another award on you BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION!! Watch this space!! ~ Eddie

Buck said...

I most certainly agree with ya on the "finally an award I'm happy to accept" thing. Verrah nice.

Lola said...

From now on I am Lolasaurus to you, gentle giant friend. The many smiles your writing triggers in me are of varied types, above all ironic, mischievous and sardonic. So keep your dark and manly humor coming, please.

Supportive Blogger award photo of my D cup came out quite well, didn't it? Must thank Martin Scrosese for that photographer friend. I kept asking for a head shot but that's all he was focusing on...

Ciao!

Moannie said...

It is always great fun for me to see you have been given an award as I know we, and the giver are in for a treat-and this time it is times three.
Brilliant idea of Michele to come up with the one award you would find hard to rebuff.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

I agree with Michelle - thank you for all your support
You are a great bra
:)

Ananda girl said...

Ditto to the above!

Hey... I'm over six and I know Charlie and Lola.

Suldog... you crack me up every single time I show up here. You are very consistent.

And those pix... oh my! That takes some balls man! I won't put any photo of me on line. Call me pin feathers.

tshsmom said...

I can't wait to read your dildo destruction story. I've got one of my own, involving my mother-in-law...ewww. ;)

Theresa said...

Michelle...what has he done to you? However, you were right, he didn't diss you. That's a first for this reader.

As for you Suldong, congratulations! Wow! Three awards. That's awesome and you so deserve every one.

I mean where other post can you read in one sitting about pasta,dildos, Pop Tarts smothered in ketchup and "...I may be addictive, but only if you lick me..."?

Theresa said...

Suldong? I was going to erase my posted comment because I "accidentally" spelled your name wrong, but I think I'll just let the mistake ride.

Big Jay Atton said...

First i don't like Pop tarts, second i don't go into the outfield, third i can't wait for sunday

lime said...

it's ok if you don't want to give me that last award. i have my own set and i can play with them any time i like.

i beati said...

It's a travesty that's all I have to say ...