Wednesday, September 03, 2008

And, If You Get A Chance To Stop On The Way, Bring Some Chinese Food, Too



MY WIFE is going out of town for a couple of days. She’ll be visiting with my brother-in-law in New York. Here are my plans for the upcoming weekend while she’s away:

1) Watch some football.
2) Eat food that goes well with football.

That’s about it.

Now, I’ve got to be truthful with you. By this time, I had expected to have a whole bunch of interesting photographs of naked women come to me via the U. S. mails. Some of my time during this weekend would have been filled with admiring those photographs. It seems, however, that all of you women were lying when you told me you were sending me photographs of yourself naked. I must say, your blatant disregard for the truth has diminished my respect for humanity as a whole.

Since I don’t have any actual photographs, I’ll now have to make up some in my head.

(You think me having an actual photograph of you could be any worse than what I can make up? Please! You have no idea concerning the depths of depravity available inside of my skull. If you feel itchy anytime this weekend, now you know why.)

Be that as it may – and I’m betting you now wish it wasn’t – the highlight of my weekend will probably come from attending the Boston College vs. Georgia Tech football game with my cousin, David. We’ll have a brew before the game; some hideously-bad-for-us food during it; and maybe BC will actually win the game itself and make us happy. I hope so.

In the meantime, if any of you women are feeling guilty about letting me down, and you’re within walking/driving/flying distance of Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, the game should be over by 3:15. If you show up naked at Gate B of Alumni Stadium, I’d consider that more than enough to make up for not having sent the photos. Thank you.

Soon, with more perverted stuff.


14 comments:

Hilary said...

No doubt you'll manage a great weekend despite the lack of mail. :) Enjoy!

CrazyCath said...

You got it bad Jim haven't you?
I think you need to go see the doc. Maybe he can give you some bromide or something. ;0)

Sandra Ree said...

Get drunk, watch the game, scratch yourself. You'll have a good time without the photos, I assure you. :)

Tim King said...

Hey, Jim. Ya know. If it's photos of naked women you want, you know what the most popular thing to do on the Internet is. That's right, buying useless crap on eBay. But after that, the most popular thing is looking at naked women.

-TimK

P.S. I didn't make up the eBay joke. I ripped it off of Penn & Teller. So if it wasn't funny, blame them.

Chucka Stone Designs said...

Go BC!! Enjoy your weekend of football, beer and bad food...I will be doing the same just slightly further west. Let us know how it goes & tell YOUR WIFE to travel safely knowing you will have no photos of naked women to peruse while she is gone.

David Sullivan said...

and if you show up naked WITH naked photos...even better!

Suldog said...

Hilary - Well, if BC wins, I'll feel pretty good, even without the photos. Of course, I'd feel even better with them.

CC - Bromide? Does it come with pictures of naked women?

SR - Scratch myself? I was thinking of something a bit more... I don't know; perhaps "squooshy" is the word. Or maybe that's not even a word. But thank you for the suggestion, nevertheless.

Tim - Well, certainly, I could go that route. But that would deny all of these women the opportunity to be altruistic. I'm giving them an opportunity to build up karma points for themselves.

Chucka - Yes, MY WIFE will be happy with the situation as it now stands, so that's a good thing. I'll try to stay focussed on the positive!

Suldog said...

David - Well, you nailed it. I was hoping they'd all figure that out on their own, but so far...

lime said...

the picture's in the mail (right along with the check...and a real estate offer for some prime location in FL and the brooklyn bridge.)

Carol said...

Like I said before....they're in the mail. Along with lime's pics!

(I'm off to clean up the coffee that I spit all over my keyboard while reading your post!)

Rich said...

Did YOU WIFE ever get the naked pics of me?

Suldog said...

Lime - I trust you. A check, too? Excellent! I can use the money to purchase those land holdings you mentioned.

Carol - How did you get your pictures into Lime's envelope? Women! Just when you think you know every trick they have!

Rich - No, she didn't mention anything. Now that I think of it, though, I did hear moaning noises coming from the bedroom while I was watching the Red Sox game. Hmmmmmmm...

mlh said...

So I see you are still game for those naked photos. And I thought you might have forgotten about that by now. You do realize in order to recieve you must give. Reciprocate immensely! I'll take 8x10's if you don't mind.

Janet said...

I didn't send them because I expect I look far better in your imagination than in real life. Besides that, I couldn't find them. (The Mountain Man has seen them, by the way.) I suspect they're still in a box in the closet that hasn't been unpacked from when we moved. What? Yes, we've been in the house 5 years. Why do you ask?