Friday, July 11, 2008

No TV, OK?


I've been writing this blog for almost three years now. I quit.

No, not really. That was just a cheap attempt to get you to leave a comment something along the lines of, "Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff." Let me begin again.

I've been writing this blog for almost three years now. During that time, I've written some things I'm proud to have written. As a matter of fact, there's a handy link to those pieces over on the sidebar. It is cleverly entitled Some Stuff I'm Proud To Have Written. I have also, however, come up with some things that appear to make a lie out of all the times I've written about my past drug usage not having any lasting adverse effect. Yesterday was just such a case.

Now, some of you seemed to enjoy yesterday's offering. I'm thankful for that, and I won't deny that it had it's good spots. Upon closer inspection, though, I've decided that it has little chance of ending up in the previously-mentioned "Stuff I'm Proud Of" section. And, since I have nothing else prepared for today, I'm going to tell you how it came about, with explanation as to why it is not one of my favorites.

We have no television this week. We have been without TV since last Saturday.

Non-sequitur? No. You see, without TV to occupy my brain and keep it out of trouble, the damn thing gets up on it's hind legs and looks around for other ways to entertain itself. Books are good, so I've been reading more than usual. Music is helpful, of course. A really good session on the bass keeps my mind working in non-harmful ways, and listening to some tasty jazz or metal is good for an hour-or-so of no idiocy on my part. Conversation with MY WIFE is a pleasure, and the parts without conversation are pretty good, too, but she's not always around. And therein lies the problem.

I've used drugs, often. No secret there. I don't use any illegal ones these days, though. When I did, however, it was because I was keeping my brain occupied. My brain enjoyed those forays into unexplored realms. With the first whiff of a joint or snort of cocaine, it yelled "Road Trip!" and claimed shotgun for itself. Oftentimes, it ended up leaning out of the window into the breeze with it's tongue hanging out, not unlike a big friendly dog. But it was usually just fun, and stimulating enough in itself to keep me out of further trouble.

TV, in many ways, serves the same purpose. It sends my brain on a vacation. Granted, it's sometimes a really shitty vacation, with rain and crummy food and a hard bed, but it's enough to keep me from doing other things.

With no TV this past week, I sat down and wrote more often. With no TV, my brain was not dulled. With no TV to give it stultifying doses of inane situation comedies, unintelligent game shows, news it couldn't use at all, and hideous reality series full of people who deserve to be dismembered slowly and then fed to bears, my brain made up it's own ridiculous shows, culminating in the type of crude silliness you saw here yesterday.

(I've got to tell you something. The reference to oral sex with myself was bad enough as given, but you should have seen it before I edited it. If I had put that out here for public consumption, today I'd be in a white jacket with long sleeves that buckle in the back. Somebody would have seen it, sent a van for me, and deposited me in a rubber room. And rightfully so, I might add.)

I don't know if all of this is making sense, really, but I've already given you the excuse. WE HAVE NO TV! The cable just curled up and died last Saturday evening. As is often the case, a call to the cable company was fruitless. Since I am never again going to take a day off from work to accommodate the schedule of the cable guy, they are sending someone out to the house tomorrow, Saturday. I expect that all will be made right. And, by Saturday evening, my brain will once again be anesthetized to the point where it will function as normally as my brain might, but otherwise not annoy other people with the sort of frippery you got yesterday.

If you actually liked yesterday, tough titties. BWIPADA-boobada-bapada-bipada-BWIPADA-boobada-bapada-bipada. Heh. Or, try this on for size.

Soon, with more better stuff (unless the cable guy doesn't come, in which case I'll be writing about shoving grapefruits up my ass or something.)

19 comments:

mlh said...

Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke about quitting this blog. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff.

There, I said it! And I'm damn proud of saying it!

CrazyCath said...

Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke about quitting this blog. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff.

Do you feel better now? That's two of us, and thank you mlh because I did not have to remember all that stuff but c/p which I should have thought of before I clicked "comments". Never mind....

Yesterday was ok! I AM glad it was edited, but man it was funny!
OK, so you write some really good, serious stuff. It's nice to break out and chill out sometimes. It's an eclectic blog! So never say never.

I liked it even though I am a good Christian girl and had to close my eyes to read the bit about sucking your own dick (see? I typed that with my eyes shut!) but I thought it was tres tres funny. And I especially liked the language lesson and that you linked me EIGHT TIMES!!!

Shows yor Christian generosity.

Generos. To a falt. Love ya!
(So don't apologise for great posts!)

Sarah said...

ah, life without tv. i love it. gives your brain a chance to defrag.

Hilary said...

I must have missed something. I'll check it out when I've climbed my way back to the top of the cliff. I'm too impulsive.

lime said...

"Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff."


ok, now that's out of the way i can get on to the real comment. you at least have a past of drug use to explain your strangeness. I can't use that excuse myself (only ever smoked pot a handful of times and didn't like it). so if your brain really needs occupying how about you spend some of that non tv time generating a list of excuses for my weirdness, ok?

endangered coffee said...

Aren't television and drugs pretty much the same when it comes down to it?

(oh yeah, please don't leave, more than life itself, etc., etc.)

Jeni said...

OMG - NO TV! For a week? Holy Rip! The only thing -for me -that would be worse than going without tv would be to have my internet connection wither up and die on me for more than say two days, maximum! Heaven forbid that both the tv cable AND the internet (also through the cable) were to fritz out on my simultaneously as I think I would probably ignite and self-destruct! I even read with the TV on a lot of the time -have to have the background noise plus I use it to tell time too -this program comes on at this time, this at another time, etc. I am not just addicted to it, I am reliant on it for many things, much of which is non-entertainment related -as is some of the material being viewed too though come to think of it!

Chuck said...

I'm glad you're not quitting also.

On the subject of no more TV, you may like this cartoon:

http://www.salon.com/16dec1995/comix/comix4.html

Suldog said...

Chuck:

I love the title "Flowers For Trinitron."

(Are you familiar with "Flowers For Algernon", Chuck? If not, the title means little. Great short story, later made into the movie "Charlie", starring Cliff Robertson.)

Jim

uncle jim said...

"Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff."

Yea.... like that's true!

Buck said...

Well, as for me, I'm just glad you're not Einstein. Coz if you were, we'd all be dead.

cf: (That's just an example, of course, because if we used that as our constant, then the world would end the next time the Celtics won a championship. Of course, that would mean we aren't in any immediate danger.)

I liked yesterday's post (a lil bit of ego in play there, perhaps) and I'm glad you're not quitting! And teevee IS a drug. No doubt about it. The others are more fun, though. Don't ask how I know...

Suldog said...

Buck - Yeah, I know. That was the only part of that post I got wrong, though :-)

Sandra Ree said...

Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff.

Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff.

Now... the third one's a charm...

Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day... I'd have to go find someone else's blog that wasn't half as good as your blog and spread the love there!

God, I'm gettin' up there in years Sul, you're making my heart skip a beat...

Chris Stone said...

Hah! That's funny. I don't have a T.V.... and think that that may be the reason my life occasionally resembles a sitcom. Or, more specifically, resembled a sitcom the other day when I was trying to interview for jobs. Hah!

Like there is an inner need for silliness that if it doesn't have a proscribed outlet will create one on its own in the most inconvenient of times. Like during job interviews when you've forgotten the tape recorder you didn't know you needed because, well, nobody in their right mind would believe the slush being uttered by, well, me.

That means, of course, if I owned a T.V. I'd work! Yikes!

oh and "Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke...."

Peter N said...

Hi Sul...I admit it. I did not read this post...it's Saturday a little after 5:30pm. Bobby Murcer just passed away from brain cancer. Way too young...he was a Yankee all the way, but we and all who like and love baseball will miss him.

Sharfa said...

It has to be said again: "Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff."

I fail to see the problem with yesterdays post. It was rude, crude and hilarious. In my non-sport enthusiast mind it was better than a Celts recap.(No insult intended there, just not my cup of tea.)

AND - in your defense: If I went without TV for a week I would chew off a limb. You're in much better shape than I would be.

Some days are diamonds, some days are stones. Chalk it up to a bad hair day - everyone has bad hair days, even balding 50ish gentlemen.

I recommend Direct TV - I luvs my satellite! And, for next time.....four letters: DVD's!

What does it mean that my word verification is cxeTV

Chucka Stone Designs said...

"Jim, I'm so glad that was a joke. I love you, more than life itself, and if you stopped giving me your stuff to read every day, I'd go and throw myself off of a cliff."

Yeah, what he said...and what everyone else said too.

Our tv almost never goes on anymore because I had been waiting around for that show you mention where they dismember reality show people slowly and feed them to bears. I got tired of waiting for it to air and turned the damn thing off. Please let me know when that show hits the waves, it would be worth cleaning the cobwebs and laundry off of it for that.

lime said...

oh, and about that little tag you left for me last week.....i have answered it today. ;)

Janet said...

Here I am, (God it's taking me forever to catch up).

JIsgtwaIlymtliaiysgmystredIgatmooac

There - it's an anagram. I was going to say I did that because I was too lazy to copy the whole thing, but then I actually took the time to delete all the stupid letters and make it completely incomprehensible, much like the rest of this comment, but it does seem to fit with some of your writings so I'm keeping it, so I can't really say that because it doesn't make sense.

See, this is what happens when you try to talk to people after scaring yourself half to death in a car.

As to yesterday's post (and when I typed As I accidentally added another s, so I don't know WHAT that says, nor do I want to, so don't tell me, thanks), I laughed and laughed and laughed, and I think if that's what happens with no TV, you should just tell the cable guy to toddle right back to his little office and charge someone else $100 to flip a switch.