Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Housekeeping And Six (Or Maybe Seven) Other Things


I've had a few days off and I'm going to be taking a few more. I wanted to post a couple of quick things, though, so here they are.

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I received some very good news yesterday.

You may remember my telling you about a couple, one of whom had contracted prostate cancer. At that time, I asked for your prayers for a successful operation and a speedy recovery.

The operation took place in December and was successful. What remained was the follow-up examination. I am glad to report that this examination took place and the patient was found to be 100% clear.

So, thank you to God and thank you to you for your prayers and good karma sent their way.

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In that same post referenced above, I said that I hadn't yet made Stu's recipe for Jambalaya. I still haven't. Maybe I'll make it on our birthday, Stu.

(I found out recently that Stu is almost exactly ten years younger than me. We both were born on March 2nd, and both at approximately 9 AM, which I'm sure means something in the greater cosmic scheme, but I'll be damned if I have any idea what.)

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There is a new posting over at Bah! Humbug!, so if you've nothing better to do, head on over and visit some of the nice folks who submitted articles for inclusion in this month's edition of A Carnival Of Hijacked Holidays.

(You'll learn all sorts of interesting things about holidays for trees and what UNICEF thinks about our drugged-out oversexed kids, as well as how to get your groove on - or why you might want to avoid such a thing - on Valentine's Day. As a special bonus, you'll be egocentrically directed back here for a viewing of something you probably saw once and had no need of ever seeing again. Huzzah!)

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Finally, I was tagged over the weekend.

The monkey-pantsed Sween completed a meme and felt compelled to reach out and touch someone south of the border, namely me. So, without further ado, here 'tis.

SIX THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME AND WHICH YOU MIGHT THINK WERE BETTER LEFT UNKNOWN AFTER YOU KNOW THEM, BUT YOU WON'T KNOW YOU WERE BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING THEM UNTIL YOU DO KNOW THEM, SO IT'S SORT OF A CATCH-22, BUT WHAT ELSE WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES OR POSSIBLY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WHICH WILL NOW BE INFESTED WITH THESE HIDEOUS IMAGES?

1 - MY WIFE and I have matching inscribed wedding rings. They read, "Vous Et Nul Autre." This is Middle French for "You And No Other." We have another inscription on the inside of each ring. We had seen Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey just prior to purchasing our rings and, for some reason, we both thought that it would be really cool to get "... NOT!" inscribed on the inside of our rings. This becomes even more idiotic with each passing year.

2 - I made the last payment on my student loans this morning. Hooray! Considering that I graduated in 1991, this speaks volumes about my money management skills.

3 - As noted above, I graduated from broadcasting school in 1991. I was 33 at the time. I was named the class valedictorian. Considering my age, if I hadn't been the valedictorian, it would have been shameful.

4 - MY WIFE is almost two years older than me. If we were talking mental age, I'd estimate about thirty-seven years older.

5 - This is Ash Wednesday, thus the start of Lent and also the start of my spring training ritual for the upcoming softball season. I am giving up all flour products and all dairy - excluding what I put into my coffee - for the 40+ days of Lent. I have done the same during the previous four or five periods of Lent. By doing this, I will drop 12 - 15 pounds by the time Easter rolls around. If I didn't do this, I would roll around.

6 - Since I haven't said anything truly grody yet, I suppose now is the time. I would estimate that, over the course of my lifetime, I have masturbated some 11,000 times. Since I'm approaching my 50th birthday (March 2nd!) you can do a decent reverse math and figure out the numbers for yearly, mlonthly, daily, houjrly or whkatever elcnse jyou wsant/.

(Sorry about that last sentence. It's not easy typing with one hand.)

Now that I think about it, if I had spent less time on #6, I probably could have graduated earlier and paid off my loans in the last century. Oh, well.

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And you thought you wanted me back here sooner rather than later. You were mistaken.

Soon, withgmore bettyer stiff.

11 comments:

sween said...

Number 6 is hilarious. I just spit a little on my desk.

Suldog said...

Nope. Not even going to touch that.

(Oog. Touch that. Oog.)

James Cooper said...

Ah, that is good news about your friend.

Today is my dad's birthday and my parent's anniversary. My mom claims they got married on his birthday so he wouldn't manage to forget the date. Seems like sound logic to me.

Good job paying off your student loans too. I'll be lucky if I finish those off by the time I hit 50.

And as for number 6, you can just write it off as batting practice, right? :-D

Suldog said...

Practice makes perfect, I always say.

And what did the violinist say when someone asked him how you get to Carnegie Hall?

Practice, practice, practice!

Who knew violinists had their minds in the gutter like that?

Stu said...

That's about 12 times a week, not bad. Not great numbers, but at least you're trying.

And that's what really matters.

Stu said...

Also, remember what Lenny Bruce said about the right way to stop habitual masturbation. You can't taper-off gradually, you have to quit cold jerky.

Suldog said...

12 times a week?!? Jeez, no wonder there's never any clean towels around the house.

Actually, Stu, I think you've probably done the math for a man of your own age - or possibly you. Either that, or you think I didn't start until I was 20-something.

Well, let me check my own math. Let's see. 11,000 divided by 37 divided by 52 equals...

Hmmmm, all those zeroes are getting me excited. I'll be right back.

Stu said...

Right, right, my bad math. Ok, so let's assume you started at age 12. If so, you've yanked about 6 times a week (there's at least fifty great church-on-Sunday jokes here, but I'll leave that for the moment).

And as the laundry dude in my family, I am fine with the ecologically-poor choice of popping into paper towels.

Suldog said...

As a Red Sox fan, I object to the term "yanked".

Cousin Sully said...

Only 11,000?.... are you sure you are a Sullivan?

Suldog said...

Well, for goodness' sakes, I am married, you know.