Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Unrelated Photos & Utterly Inane Commentary

You will never read a more truthful headline.

The following pictures were all taken by me. It takes a very brave and stupid man to admit that. I am one of the world's crappiest photographers and these photos are, for the most part, not good. However, just as a mother loves her hideously dirty, ill-behaved, moronic children, and is unwilling to dump the brats in the river and cut her losses, I am unable to delete these photos without using them in some way. So, you get to see them. Lucky you.

This is me in my former studio at my former place of work. Exciting, eh?

Here we see an exciting mixing board, which I often used during my exciting days as a voice-over announcer and producer of exciting phone-related advertisements and recordings.

This was my production department partner, Dan. He was (probably still is) one of the funniest men on the face of the planet. Not in this picture, though. Sorry!

And here is a flag sticking out of some soundproofing. God Bless America!

Some of you may remember this shot. It was taken immediately following my (yeah, right) final softball game of all time in 2007. It gives a good representation of what I look like following a game on a hot summer's night. Good shot, actually. That's because MY WIFE took it. She's much better with a camera than I am. But not always!

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Catcher do!

Here is MY WIFE. She is standing in front of a teeny little house. I know it's somewhere in New Hampshire, but I have no idea why we took the picture. Perhaps it was to show people what sort of house we could afford to buy if we liquidated all of our assets and sold our bodies to science.

I was trying to take a photograph of something just outside of this screen. Can you make out what it was? It was a deer who had come to eat apples from our yard during a New Hampshire vacation. If you look carefully, you can see the deer laughing heartily at me and my ineptitude with a camera.

Here is our friend, Valerie, amusingly murdering her husband, Jack (who seems rather non-plussed by the whole thing.) Lucky for Jack, Valerie missed him completely because he was so out-of-focus.

Later on, however, Valerie was successful in knocking Jack off. Here we see his ghost coming back into the kitchen looking for revenge (or a bottle of wine; I'm not sure which.)

And finally, here is our refrigerator. You can try to click onto it for more detail, but don't get your hopes up. Yes, the owl cookie jar in the background is wearing a scally cap. Doesn't yours?

And with that, I leave you no richer than you were when you showed up on my blog's doorstep. Next time you'll know better. I have no idea what that means, but then neither do you, so don't get all high-and-mighty.

Soon, with more better stuff.


joeh said...

Well there is 8 minutes of my life I'll never get back!

Took 8 minutes because I tried so hard to find the deer (no success).

YOU RETIRED FROM SOFTBALL IN 2007? You've had more final tours than Barbra Streisand.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip said...

I may have some similrly inept photos.

Mariann said...

I must be a slow reader as this took longer than three minutes. But...I have seen worse photos in exhibitions, so do not despair. ;)

I have to say I never did have the want to put things all over my refrigerators. Perhaps it is a learned behaviour - my mother never did, either.

Jeni Ertmer said...

Hmmm. I thought no one else had more stuff hanging on their refrigerator than I do. I seem I was wrong. Now -to see if the identity thing I have to click here below to get this comment to post will accept it. I think I'll try a new method as offered below and see if that works.

Tabor said...

Brave of you to reveal all of your secret life. Did you get those others to sign a release?

messymimi said...

Being entertained for a few moments isn't a waste, so i thank you for the entertainment.

Hilary said...

I disagree with your assessment. How could these be poor photos when they have such amusing life-giving details to go along with them? I couldn't find the deer either but I very much enjoyed the post.

Suldog said...

Joe - According to MY WIFE, I've retired after every season since I've known her (that would be since 1990!)

Skip - I have thus far not seen any. If you're referring to your recent posts, I do not concur.

Mariann - MY WIFE long ago came up with an idea to publish a coffee table book filled with photographs of people's refrigerators. I think it would be fascinating.

Jeni - I'm pleased as punch to hear we have one of the most crowded refrigerators.

Tabor - You expect me to approach someone willing to pull a butcher knife on her husband and ask her to sign a release?

Mimi - You're welcome.

Hilary - You are an excellent photographer (and anyone who hasn't seen your stuff should rush over to your site and be dazzled.) As an excellent photographer, you are very kind and I love you.

Craig said...

House?? That looks more like a toll booth. . .

And your fridge looks a lot like ours, except ours might be more kid-focused (football practice schedules and suchlike). . .

And, I have to say that I'm impressed by your ability to capture the ectoplasmic Jack on film. . .

Absolut Ruiness said...

This proves that you can make a enjoyable "product" out of out of focus pictures , provided you know how to write like. And you do JIM, the awesome!

Daryl said...

I think it - the house with YOUR WIFE - is to show how tall she is ... or not

i laughed i laughed out loud ... when i read this on your sidebar

623 Folks Who Should Be Exchanging Love Cards With Someone, You Dopes