Pre-Games

What's on my mind? The following things...

 [Bombers, 2012. Big Jay is the one in the back row looking for post-game snacks.]
[photo by Grandma Skip]

[OK, that's a link to (not my uncle) Skip, but he'll tell her about it.]

1) The Bombers (my fast-pitch softball team, and not people who blow things up, in case you're new here) get back into action this coming Sunday. We're 2 - 0 thus far and tied for first place. Since our coach, Jack Atton, has a previous engagement that day, I will be the interim coach.

I was coach of the team for ten years, but that was a while ago. I was 3 - 2 in this interim capacity last season. I don't mind coaching, at least for a week, but we're already shorthanded, losing not only Jack (p), but also Robby Costello (p), Eric MacDonald (1b), and Mark Preziosi (ss, and big power bat).

(There may be others missing by game time. Those are just the definites as of Friday morning.)

Robby was hit in the leg by a line drive during a game in his weeknight league. He suffered a hairline fracture, but the good news is the docs tell him he'll be back up and running in 2 or 3 weeks. The bad news is I was looking forward to him keeping me entertained, as he's one of the funniest sons of bitches ever, but now I guess I'll have to get my jollies just from winning. In that regard, with Jack and Robby missing, I'll be leaning heavily on Big Jay Atton. He's our ace. If need be, I can utilize Drew Atton or Joey Baszkiewicz or (heaven forbid) myself, but Jay will probably start both ends of the doubleheader. With temperatures expected to climb into the 90's on Sunday, and with Big Jay being BIG Jay, I think my main task as coach will be to see to it that he keeps himself well hydrated. Also, as incentive, I'll promise him a steak-and-cheese with BBQ sauce and hots, if he wins both games.

(I will not, however, pay for his ulcer surgery.)

As usual, there will be a report on the games come Monday. Pretend you're interested and I'll do the same for you some day when you write about your favorite thing that I don't give a rat's ass about.


2) The Boston Bruins take the next step on the road to The Stanley Cup on Saturday.

The B's will be playing the flightless waterfowl of Pittsburgh. My Darker Grey Friend, Michelle, is a Pittsburgh resident and fan. When it looked as though our teams might meet, I suggested that perhaps a bet might be in order. She was amenable. So now, because I couldn't keep my trap shut, I am involved in a wager wherein I am definitely on the short end without compensating odds. As a man who prides himself on his knowledge of all things gambling, this was not a smart move.

Any reasonable handicapper will tell you that the tuxedo-clad birds should win the series. They are the #1 seed, while my Bruins are #4. In addition, the fat smelly fisheaters won the three meetings between these teams during the regular season. The Bruins haven't beaten them all season.

What in hell was I thinking?

Anyway, loser has to post something wonderful about the winner's city and team, as well as display the opposition logo for a couple of days. I have no idea what I can possibly say about a bunch of short, wobbly, smelly things whose biggest claim to fame may be their prodigious farting, nor do I know what to say about the hockey team, but I suppose I'll come up with something.

OR maybe the Bruins will win?!?

Nah. Every time I make a bet of this sort, and then shoot off my mouth about it, I lose. I'm the ultimate jinx. There is no hope. I predict Pittsburgh in a sweep.

In the unlikely event that the Bruins win and the L.A. Kings win their semi, I will then make a similar wager with Chris Mauger on the finals (unless Mauger is gun-shy, since the last time we made a bet of this sort he ended up displaying the Red Sox logo and having to write a couple hundred complimentary words about Rico Petrocelli.).


3) Some of you might still be wondering how I'm coming along with e-cigarettes in my attempts to quit smoking.

Not bad. I've cut my actual burning leaf sort of cigarettes down to about half of my usual consumption. I'm doing 10 or 12 a day now, as opposed to a full pack or more. I've reached a point where I don't automatically grab a smoke and light it first thing when I wake up. I now go the first 90-minutes or two hours without having one at all, so that's progress.

The benefits are obvious: no tar and other noxious crap into my lungs, as the e-cig delivers nicotine in a water vapor. I've definitely noticed myself coughing less.

If I improve on this, I'll keep you updated. If I backslide, I'll tell you nothing and hide myself in a corner with an ashamed look on my face.


4) As usual around these parts, we have gone almost directly from winter into summer.

 [Willis Carrier, inventor of air conditioning. God bless you, Mr. Carrier!]

We had about a week of pleasant spring temps, but now it is 90 degrees and expected to stay that way for the next three months. The electric company will be pleased to know I'm going to install our two window air conditioning units later today. If I don't have a heart attack doing so, I think I'll reward myself with a ham-and-cheese sub with tomatoes, possibly followed by a real honest-to-God smoke. If I do have a heart attack while installing them, I probably won't make the doubleheader on Sunday and Big Jay will have to fend for himself.

Soon, with more better stuff.