My Body, My Self

The always-delightful-yet-reasonably-priced Daryl has written a post concerning a couple of odd little body quirks she has, unfortunately, become accustomed to have happening to her. She asked about whether or not her readers had similar things happen to them. Being my usual loquacious self, I answered at length. By the time I was done, and had posted my comment, I realized I probably had enough material for a post of my own, so here it is.

My body plays the following tricks on me:

1 - My left ear will suddenly become hot and painful for no apparent reason. When it does, nothing I do makes it go away. I just have to wait for it to stop of its own accord. This usually happens in 24 to 48 hours. As you might imagine, this is a particularly irritating thing for someone who has done so much work with headphones over the years. Luckily, it only happens perhaps once every six months.

2 - This began happening just about two years ago, but it's nasty. My right foot will all of a sudden go totally spaz. It's like the arch just stiffens completely, painful as all hell. It only happens when I'm sleeping, so I've been jolted awake with searing pain in my foot a few times. Lovely.

3 - The other thing that happens has been happening my entire life. My right eye (you know, I think it's my right eye, as it hasn't happened in a long enough time that I can't recall with certainty) will start "ticcing"; that is, a nervous tic will start the eyelid fluttering or shaking. It is barely noticeable to anyone else (I know this because I've looked in the mirror while it was happening, to see how it looked, and I saw almost no movement; certainly none that anyone not looking for it would notice) but it feels as though I'm wildly winking and grimacing and otherwise presenting a lunatic face to the outside world.

So that's all I told Daryl. Since then, however, I've scanned my body and come up with the following thing I'm going to complain about whether you care or not.

4 - One spot under my right arm - that is, running from about my armpit to a spot a few inches onto my chest - becomes itchy as hell every few months. Before you get all high and mighty on me, telling me to be more solicitous in washing my armpits, I'll tell you that it positively has nothing to do with being unclean. I know this because it has happened within a couple of hours of having taken a very thorough shower. And it has nothing to do with soap, either, because I've had it happen other times when I've been without a shower for more than a day. It has happened when I've worn deodorant and also when I've not worn any deodorant. No explanation for it (except that's the side of my chest where MY WIFE says I have a vestigial third nipple - I say it's a birthmark - and maybe I'm vestigially lactating? Oog. If that's true, I think I've had enough of this world, thanks.)

So, leave a comment telling me all about the things your body is doing that make little sense. Or not, if you don't feel like encouraging me, which would be completely understandable.

Soon, with more better stuff.