Thursday, December 27, 2012

New Stuff

Me and the woman I married. She's the one without the beard.

Of the previous eleven posts on this blog, seven have been repeats of one sort or another. This is not a repeat. This is all new stuff. That's not to say the repeats have ended. The next post will be another repeat (and not only will it be a repeat, it will be stupid as hell.) Meanwhile, here are some things I've had on my mind that didn't quite fit in anywhere else.

1 - The Boston Celtics have two players on their roster who have had heart surgery. I'm pretty sure this is a record for a professional sports team. As medical science advances, of course, this record will be broken. For now, though, I can't think of another sports story as amazing.

Jeff Green, with scar

Chris Wilcox, more modestly dressed

When I was born, heart surgery was pretty much a medical fantasy. Until recently, a diagnosis of heart problems was the equivalent of a death sentence for an athlete's career. Now players can have surgery, come back, and play a rigorous professional sport. Put this together with athletes such as Oscar Pistorius, who ran in The Olympics with no legs...

... and it seems the future may someday be limitless for any athlete with the guts and determination to overcome the obstacles placed in his or her path.

2 - MY WIFE heard a radio commentator say that he liked Dolly Parton as the new choice to be on The View because it was nice that they gave it to an older woman. MY WIFE's response: "Older? Older than what? Context, please!"

3 - I'm rooting for Notre Dame in the National Collegiate Football Championship on January 7th. I'll stop short of making a prediction, but only because I have an almost unbroken track record of putting the jinx on any team I publicly declare will win any particular game.

Come on! How can you root for an elephant against a leprechaun?

I can't say that I have anything against Alabama per se, but I'll almost always root for the underdog in a game wherein none of "my" teams is playing. Notre Dame has shown great heart this season, playing exciting ball, and those games I've witnessed have been a lot of fun to watch. Alabama, meanwhile, has been anointed since the beginning of the season as THE TEAM THAT WILL WIN IT ALL. They aren't evil, but still, rooting for them is like cheering for Potter in It's A Wonderful Life.

If you're not an Alabama alum, or at least from a region where SEC football (Alabama's conference) is played, and you're rooting for Alabama, you were probably the sort who pulled the wings off of flies when you were a child.

4 -  A Very Monkey Christmas is a decent animated holiday show.

I sat and watched this on Christmas morning with MY WIFE (and no children present) and I really enjoyed it. The fact that MY WIFE can do a spot-on Curious George imitation helped matters, but I think what truly put it over for me was the scene where The Man In The Yellow Hat runs down the street shouting, "I understand my monkey!"

(MY WIFE and I collect random phrases from TV shows and movies. We utter them to each other at odd times. Someday, in the not-too-distant-future, MY WIFE and I will be in a nursing home. She will quote Henrietta Pussycat getting snippy in the kitchen with X The Owl: "Meow cooked before!", and I'll reply, "I understand my monkey!"  We will then have our medications doubled by the staff. I'm looking forward to it.)

5 - MY WIFE and I played the lottery when the jackpot grew to be a half-billion dollars. I had not heard the winning numbers yet. She came out of the shower, dripping wet, with her head wrapped in a big towel that hung down over her eyes, and said: "We're not millionaires and I have a towel in my face..." She then turned around and walked into the bedroom making sad small animal sounds.

6 - I've come to the conclusion that I no longer really care as much about the Red Sox as I once did.

Sorry, Papi. I can't help it.

(This does not make My Mom's gift to me for Christmas, of a Red Sox coloring and activity book, any the less loved. Yes, My Mom gave me a coloring book for Christmas. She knew I'd like it, I wasn't insulted, no one else in my family was the least bit surprised, and if you are, you haven't been here long enough.)

Anyway, I was once a fanatic. I loved the Red Sox. Now, I still like the concept of the Red Sox, but the reality doesn't do much for me. It's a combination of things, most of which come under the heading of "Old Fart Complaints About How Much Better Things Were During The Golden Days Of My Youth"

(I actually wrote five paragraphs full of complaints, but I deep-sixed them. You're welcome.)

Oh, well. I guess I'm not the demographic anymore. I still have the M Street Softball League. Sitting in the stands there is free (and stress-free.) The players play for the love of the game, and I'll take a doubleheader at M Street every time, these days, if I have to choose between there and Fenway.

7 - MY WIFE, bemoaning a lack of anything she felt like wearing to work, said: "I had beautiful clothes when I was younger. I wish I had crummier clothes then and lovelier clothes now. Growing old stinks. Nobody will remember that you had lovely clothes when you were young."

8 - The Mets traded R. A. Dickey to Toronto.

You either know that this was a hideous move on their part or else no amount of explaining will ever make it clear to you.

9 - MY WIFE, while visiting her brother in New York, attended a Brooklyn Nets game. She now has somewhat divided loyalties between that team and The Boston Celtics. While at home with me, we watched a show on The Food Network extolling Brooklyn as a locale with great gustatory delights. Then a Celtics game came on wherein they were playing The Brooklyn Nets. MY WIFE said: "Foodtown! Brooklyn! Number One in the ACA... uh, NAB... The... uh... Oh, heck, let's see Rajon Rondo marry a Kardashian!"

10 - Did I mention the next post here will be a repeat? Well, it will. In the meantime, though, to finish this off, here are some photos from this Christmas.

Tree (with color wheel), many cards, bear with Santa hat. If you don't see your card on the door, it's because you didn't send one you lazy slug.

Crummy photo, as is usually the case when a camera finds its way into my hands, but here's the coloring book My Mom gave me. And you thought I was kidding.

This is an angel face made by my niece, Ava, in one of those nail art thingies. It looks much better in person, but I figured I should document it before the time inevitably comes when one of us knocks it over and ruins it while dusting.

And that's that. My brain is now cleared. Thank you for listening and saving me the fees for a therapist.

Soon, with more better stuff.


Craig said...

Well, you know, baseball in general just ain't what it used to be. I'm sorta scratching my head, trying to figure out my feelings, now that my Tigers made a couple of nice (albeit overpaid) free agent signings this off-season, and now have something like a $160mil payroll. Like we were the frippin' Red Sox, or somethin'. . .


And heck, who cares what Dolly Parton is older than? knowwhatimean?

And, speaking of Dolly Parton, ND is kinda like That Girl at your class reunion - a pretty hot number, back in the day, and never lets you forget it. So she puts a little makeup on and struts thru the door sayin' "I still got it!"

Sorry, the only thing more obnoxious than the ND fanbase for a sheer sense of their own entitlement to universal adulation is the damn Wolverines. I'm no great fan of Alabama, and their ex-Spartan coach, but this game is not even gonna be close. . .

Craig said...

I love that your mom is still giving you a coloring book for Christmas, BTW. . .

And, oh, go ahead. . . I'd love to see your five paragraphs of ranting. . .


Lowandslow said...

Dolly Parton on The View? That might be worth watching! To some, but not to me.

I'm with you on the UA / ND game. I'm no big ND fan at all, but I'm tired of Alabama winning everything.


Suldog said...

Craig - I do, indeed, know what you mean as regards Ms. Parton. And, at first, I had forgotten what I wrote, so I was saying to myself, "ND? Why is he talking about North Dakota?"

Craig (again) - No, you do NOT want to see the five paragraphs. It wasn't so much a rant as it was pitiful mewling.

Lowandslow - Yeah, no matter how much I admire Ms. Parton's assets (and they are many beyond the two obvious ones) I would rather eat rat salad than watch that show.

Jackie said...

I have always been a fan of yours, and will continue to be until I die or the Rapture happens, (and then, I'll still be but will be in a different site) BUT...I must say that I am very impressed with YOUR WIFE's wonderful sense of humor and ability to express herself in a way that just makes me want to give her a high five and shout, "You go girl!" Love her.
Hugs to you both,

Michelle H. said...

A lovely tree and card door! As For Dolly Parton on The View, I only see it happening if ratings get so low that they begin throwing just about anybody out there to bring in more viewers. (I watched the show with the original hosts. Once they started changing people, I changed the channel.)

Pearl said...

Oh, sure. You clear out your brain, but now you've put it all in mine!



Suldog said...

Jackie - She's unique, that's for sure. Her sense of humor travels in the same odd circles mine does, most of the time, so she delights me almost daily with some sort of non sequitur.

Michelle - This will sound horribly sexist (and I suppose it is) but when those women start arguing about something it reminds me of every bad relationship I've ever been in. Women take far too long to get to the "Fuck you!" and taking a swing at someone part of an argument. Men get to that, punch each other a bit, then it's all over and they have a beer together more often than not. Women almost never get past it and argue FOREVER. I'm sure we do many things that drive women batshit crazy, too, so I'm not saying we're any better :-)

Suldog said...

Pearl - Sorry about that. But, knowing your brain, it will probably give you ideas for four or five great posts :-)

stephen Hayes said...

I actually like Dolly Parton and have seen her in concert with Mrs. C. several times. She can't be any worse than some of the other women on The View, like Sherri Shepherd who is pleasant enough but just isn't that smart.

Joanne Noragon said...

1. My best friend in school was an original blue baby. She had surgery and a patch betweeen her heart chambers when she was born, in 1943. It was not perfect; she was blue all those years. In her late twenties the patch was repaired and she was not blue any more. It kept her going until five years ago, when she passed away. Pretty amazing stuff then, too.

8. No amount of explaining will suffice. Fools.

Ami said...

I am wanting to go get that movie. Hell, even without the movie I am sure my husband would love the phrase, "I understand my monkey."

I could add to the fun by telling him, "*I* understand your monkey."

Or, "May I spank your monkey."

Oh. Whoops. Nice to hear from you. With new stuff.

Suldog said...

Stephen - I thought I did, but I suppose I should make it clear that I like Dolly Parton quite a bit. I just can't stant The View.

Joanne - Well, that's why I got a B+ in journalism in high school. Research? What's that? I really had no idea that heart surgery was taking place that much earlier in the century. Wow. Thanks for enlightening me!

Ami - I don't believe I have anything of value to add :-)

Buck said...

Heh. It's still the Christmas season and I'm just FULL o' good cheer and warmth towards my fellow man. Ergo, I'll not let you bait me about ND.


Buck said...

6 - I've come to the conclusion that I no longer really care as much about the Red Sox as I once did.

I've come to the same conclusion about the Red WINGS. Words aren't adequate when it comes to expressing my displeasure, contempt, and outright rage over the lockout. A pox on the league, the players' association and most of all: Bettman.

The things YOUR WIFE does and says reminds me of someone I used to live with. In the best possible way, of course. Lord, I miss that girl.

messymimi said...

A good friend in my childhood had several heart surgeries. He was a great guy, but he could never have been an athlete like they can now.

Glad dumping your brain out here saves you the therapy bills. When my kids start yelling about needing a therapist, i'll tell them to just start a free blog, it's cheaper.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip said...

I can't watch the view because they don't have any respect for each other on that show.
There's so much cross-talk (and cross talk) the listener can't really understand what they're saying.

I have to root for ND because I can't bring myself to get behind a SEC team. That said I probably won't watch anyway because I don't care about it enough.

I won't go anywhere near that "I understand my monkey" discussion... mostly because monkey can mean so many things.


Craig said...

My sincere and humble thanks for this comment, Ami. I was thinking along the exact same lines, but couldn't find the words. . .

I won't elaborate unduly, but my wife and I have a 'Barrel of Monkeys' game stashed in the drawer of the nightstand. When a monkey appears on or under one of our pillows, it's a kind of 'you wanna?' invitation. . .

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip said...

Oh, yeah... we didn't get around to mailing cards this year... yet!
I'm thinking maybe we can send some in June to cover two years?
Somewhere in the stack of mail the kids brought to Sacramento is an envelope with your return address.
I'm going to find it and open it... after I finish the "Monday update" on my blog.

Juli said...

Dusting.... what's that? In our house that angel face would last for years... unless of course my kids are home, then about 30 minutes.

I often watch kids shows when the kids aren't here... and like them.

Heart surgery has come a long way. Fingers crossed, Tony's mother is going for her second valve transplant in January. I found out on Christmas Eve that the reason she delayed it from August was because she wanted to make it to Christmas. Somehow, that doesn't give me warm and fuzzies...

lime said...

the admission in #4 that your and YOUR WIFE quote tv and movie lines to each other confirms that you have to come visit us. as one of my children remarked when she was a young teen, "it was very disillusioning when i realized dad says nothing original and all his comments can be traced to movies and tv."

love that your mom gave you a coloring book. that rocks.

Hilary said...

I am thoroughly convinced that YOUR WIFE should have a blog of her own. She's every bit as entertaining as HER HUSBAND. Heaven help them at the nursing home. :)

Babs said...

#7 rah ! I agree and let me add, I don't have the same figure as I did then, not that I've given up striving to have a close second at it...but if I did have those same clothes, it would look ridiculous and I'd be stuck in the 70's so I'll work on getting some great after I'm employed again...I always hope. As for the coloring book, I always felt it was good therapy, so your mom knows what she's doing.
A lot of controversy I've heard over Alabama and ND and most are rooting for Alabama..ND has been tarnished,many want to boycott due to some bad things their players ( who I don't know he won't show himself.) So Go Alabama, I'm always up for a good takes me back to my old clothes. lol

3GKnight said...

Is your beard really that red? If so, that's awesome. And even if it's some other color, I'm still going to call you Cap'n Redbeard. God bless you and yours!

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Happy holidays! Thanks for coming by my place of ramblings.

Two things on this post stand out for me:

1. The angel in the nail art thingy is very cool. Your niece did a great job. May you never knock it over!

2. I can't stop laughing at this:
"(MY WIFE and I collect random phrases from TV shows and movies. We utter them to each other at odd times. Someday, in the not-too-distant-future, MY WIFE and I will be in a nursing home. She will quote Henrietta Pussycat getting snippy in the kitchen with X The Owl: "Meow cooked before!", and I'll reply, "I understand my monkey!" We will then have our medications doubled by the staff. I'm looking forward to it.)"

Have a great 2013 and I'll try to drop by more often.

Peace, Judi

Anonymous said...

I had to do a quick Christmas post to get stuff out of my head, too. Yours is, of course, more entertaining. I love seeing and hearing more about your WIFE. I can see why your mother knew you'd be perfect for each other. And no, I'm not surprised your mom got you a coloring book. Merry Christmas!

Suldog said...

3 Girl Knight (and anyone else who may be wondering) - No, my beard isn't that red. It WAS that red, but that photo was taken about 15 years ago! :-)

Mich said...

Thanks for the lovely Christmas card! It was very nice. I love angels.

'Tis always good to have a nice ramble. I enjoyed yours. And I'm kind of jealous I didn't get a colouring book for Christmas, but then again at the moment anything sports-related is no longer discussed in my house because it will hurl me into a fit of rage because THERE IS NO HOCKEY.


Jeff Laws said...

You can also root for Alabama if you live in South Bend and hate ND fans. I have nothing against the school, just can't stand the obnoxious fans I have to live around.

Kat said...

1-I am rooting for Notre Dame too. It has been so long since they were a powerhouse team, and I'd like to see them restored to their former glory.
2-Love the pic of you and the wife!
3-My sister was the first open heart surgery in WI when she was 8 (a week from her 9th birthday in 1969) to repair a kink in her aorta. She didn't wake up after the surgery and passed away. Today that procedure is a cake walk. I like to think that her procedure was not in vain and helped to aide in the process of the surgery and taught the doctors a few things to better the procedure and themselves. It is AMAZING what can be done these days. Imagine what medicine will look like another 50 years from now.
4-I love Curious George.
5-Take your wife shopping for new clothes. You may not be millionaires (me neither :( ) but I bet she can find some lovely clothes anyway. ;)
6-You and your wife are awesome.

Janet said...

You know very well that I never manage to get cards out until New Year's. And your wife is quite correct about the clothes.

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

#7 - yes all day long I agree with YOUR WIFE. I was quite the fashionista until the time I started doing construction & painting for a living. Now that I write from home I mostly own pajamas and yoga pants. Going out for a fancier night on the town is a struggle through the old worn out wardrobe.

I see my card! Sorry it didn't come with a fruitcake this year, perhaps in 2013 that will change :-) Hope you had a lovely holiday & Epiphany!