Win 10 (Crummy) CDs!

Every so often, I’m hit by an uncontrollable desire to do something insane. This used to manifest itself in behaviors such as doing large amounts of illegal drugs – those that could blow up my heart, like cocaine, becoming particular favorites near the end of my recalcitrant youth – or perhaps with forays into gambling that I could barely afford. As I’ve aged, I’ve been able to limit myself to one hideously unhealthy habit – smoking – and sublimated the rest of my risk-taking into things that might actually have benefited me in some way; fast-pitch softball, for example.

You’ve probably heard me say it far too many times, but I’ll repeat it again for those who might be new around here: I’ve retired from playing ball. I’ll still be a part of the teams I once played for, as coach and/or statistician, but that doesn’t quite do it for me, insofar as raising my adrenalin levels is concerned. I still need something else. As a result, although I’ve been a fan of the Celtics, Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins, and Boston College for many years, I’ve now become somewhat more dependent upon the sporting teams I root for to provide me with a high.

Lucky for me, the Celtics have had a wonderful season. I’ve been able to ride along into the playoffs with Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Rajon Rondo, and the rest of this very entertaining team. As a bonus, the coaching of Doc Rivers is definitely enough to raise my blood pressure a few points and put me at risk of a stroke, so that has certainly been a delight for a demented thrill seeker like me.

(Honestly. Does the man have any clue? There have been 82 regular season games, as well as 14 playoff games, and he still has no idea from one night to the next what his rotations are going to be. His starting five is set, and that’s good. But as to who’s coming off of the bench at any point in the game, I think he just goes “Eenie-meenie-minie-mo, now’s the time for Leon Powe!” or, perhaps, “My mother and your mother were hanging out clothes – My mother punched your mother right in the nose – What color was the blood? P. J. Brown!”)

All of the above, as disjointed and disconnected as it truly is, leads to this seemingly even-more-random-than-you-would-have-thought-possible sentence: I cleaned my bedroom last week.

Yes, there’s nothing I won’t do to get the rush I need. Danger is my middle name.

Now to be honest, "cleaned" is not quite the correct word in this instance. What I did was take a bunch of crap off of a desk. This created an empty space that I will fill with different crap, sooner or later. In the meantime, I have a pile of CDs that need a good home. I could put them back into the empty space, but they’re really crummy CDs and I want to save that space for something more meaningful; perhaps the remaining hair on my head, which I will yank out the next time Doc Rivers tosses the dice, comes up with eleven, and inserts "Big Baby" Davis for almost the entire fourth quarter of a playoff game.

(Davis is a good, hustling, likable player. He’ll be around in the NBA for many years, and I truly hope those years are with the Celtics. However, Leon Powe was such an outrageously obvious choice to have in there against the Cavaliers in game six, rather than Davis, that I think perhaps Doc Rivers is doing hallucinogens. Powe is superior to Davis, at this point in their careers, in just about every aspect of the game. Davis MAY have a better short jumper, and he is certainly a bigger body to put on someone, but Powe is easily the superior rebounder. The Celtics were getting their asses handed to them in the paint. They needed someone good off of the offensive boards in there. So, Doc Rivers said, “One potato, two potato, three potato, four – Davis can eat more potatoes than Powe! Get in there, Davis!”)

(OK. No more Doc Rivers bashing. After all, he’s gotten it close enough to right this year to win 74 of the 96 games the team has played. Everything he did yesterday worked, that's for sure. I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps in game six he was privy to information I didn’t have. Maybe Leon Powe came down with polio overnight.)

So, I believe when last we met outside of the parentheses, I was telling you about how I have 10 (crummy) CDs that need a new home. That would be YOUR home! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Here’s where you get yours!

If you’ve been hanging around at this address for any reasonable length of time, then you know that my taste in music is execrable. I have been known to admit publicly that I actually enjoy Grand Funk Railroad. I am probably the only American alive with a collection of every recording made by Budgie. I have the complete works of Bloodrock, something that most members of the group themselves probably wouldn’t fess up to. What this means to you is this: If I think these 10 (crummy) CDs are crummy, you might think they’re pretty good, because you might have normal tastes in music.

Now, having raised your expectations so slightly, I have to come up with a fair way to distribute these 10 (crummy) CDs. And what better way to tie this mess together than to announce a contest involving the Celtics? Yes, as is the case with most junkies, I would like to see you become as addicted as I am. To that end, I will have you watch the Celtics (or, at least, follow the scores of the games) over the next week or two.

In the comments section, please leave your best guess as to how many points the Celtics will score between May 20th and June 16th. The person coming closest to the actual total will win the 10 (crummy) CDs.

To sweeten the pot, if anyone guesses the EXACT total, I will throw in a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.

If you’re not a Celtics fan (heathen!) here are some facts you should know in order to make at least an educated guess.

There is a possibility of 14 games being played during that time period. There will be AT LEAST 4 games. The number will depend upon whether the Celtics are eliminated from the playoffs in straight sets by Detroit (4 games) or win some games, and maybe even win the NBA Championship (I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope.)

The score of one NBA team, during any particular game, could run from about 60 up to 150. A more rational expectation would be from 75 to 125. In my humble opinion, the Celtics will likely score between 80 and 110 per game.

There you have it. Figure out how far you think the Celtics will go, and how many points they’ll score in getting there. Give me that number in the comments section. The person who comes the closest to the actual total will win the 10 (crummy) CDs. And you may get lucky and win a real honest-to-goodness $25 gift certificate. What have you got to lose?

(One entry per person. Deadline is 7pm EST, Tuesday, May 20th. Winner will be decided either at the end of the NBA playoffs or on the night the Celtics are eliminated from competition. I will cover the cost of shipping. In the event of a tie, I will come up with some suitably absurd tiebreaker. The decision of the judges – as if there were any – is final. When you receive the 10 [crummy] CDs, you are not allowed to ship them back to me. If you do so, I will come to your house and cave in your skull with a hammer.)

Make your best guess, and GO CELTICS! In the meantime, I’m going to go do something extremely life-threatening. I think it’s called "work."

Soon, with more better stuff.