Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I Don't Have Anything Personal Against Hemingway; I'm Just Not A Big Fan (Which Is As Good A Title As Anything Else For This)

Item of note: I am tentatively scheduled to have another appearance in the Boston Herald. I would normally tell you all about it (and then some) on the day it actually appeared, but I am going to be otherwise engaged for the next week or so. I will not be posting here. Therefore, you should go to their website (here's a convenient link) and check every day to see if I'm there (and, if you're really insane, complain if I'm not.)

All of the above might lead you to believe that I consider my writing on par with Hemingway or Twain. Hemingway, maybe, but not Twain. Comparing me to Twain is like comparing a bunch of knock-knock jokes to... well, Twain.

And, with that feeble excuse of an introduction, I now present a whole bunch of knock-knock jokes. I made up some of them, but no prizes for guessing which.

(The reason for my assaulting your senses in this fashion is because I have been told that I am going to be the featured blogger/writer/jerk at on Thursday and Friday. They have a whole section of knock-knock jokes. Some of them are even good! Between that honor and possibly being in the Herald again, I have to believe my future as a writer of note is now secured. Send me twenty bucks and I'll mail you an autographed photo inscribed "To my dear friend [your name], without whom I never would have surpassed Hemingway.")

So, let's make sure we have the agenda firmed up:

1 - You're going to visit the Boston Herald every day to see if I'm there.

2 - You'll go to the GoodRiddlesNow site on Thursday or Friday and gaze at my name in virtual lights.

3 - You'll read all of the knock-knock jokes below and assume I wrote the best ones.

4 - You'll be here, waiting patiently, for my return next week.

I think that covers it. Here come the knock-knocks!

[This photo has nothing to do with knock-knock jokes, but I don't believe I've used it before, I like it, I'm planning on having breakfast with this man and his lovely wife on Sunday, and I needed something to separate the knock-knocks from the drivel above. You're free to scroll down now.]


Who's There?


Boo Who?

Aw, don't cry. It's not as bad as you think.


Who's There?


Woo Who?

See? You're feeling better already!


Who's There?


Arch Who?



Who's There?


Chooch Who?

OK, we can play trains, but I get to be the engineer.


Who's There?

The Interrupting Cow.

The Interrup...



Who's There?


Jesus Who?

OK, you go to hell. Next!


Who's There?


Owlgo Who?

Yes, and dog go "Woof".


Who's There?

The Jehovah's Witnesses.



Who's There?

Pee Cup.

Pee Cup Who?

I see you!


Who's There?


Panther Who?

Panther no panth, I'm goin' thwimmin'..


Who's There?

The Libertarian Candidate For State Rep From The 13th Suffolk District.

I can't sign your petition. I'm a Democrat.

But... (slam)


Who's There?

Harold Pinter.

Eugene Ionesco Who?

Wash 'n Wear Giraffe Radios.


Who's There?


Suldog Who?

Suldog who soon, with more better stuff.


joeh said...

Knock knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodle.

4th grade.

That is all I've got...sorry for sharing.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Argo who?
A mosquito bit me.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Andy who?
And he bit me again.

Char said...

Suldog, you kill me. I eagerly await your return.

Char said...

Suldog, you kill me. I eagerly await your return.

Janet said...

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange who?
Orange you glad I'm only telling one knock knock joke.

Interrupting cow is my favorite.

Michelle H. said...

I think you forgot #5 on the agenda:

"Send $20 bucks for my(your) autograph and a witticism about me and Twain."

And Happy B-day on Monday!

Buck said...

I have not a single knock-knock joke in my repertoire. That's vaguely un-American, me thinks.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Oink oink.
Oink oink who?
Make up your mind, are you a pig or an owl?!

Love the Knock Knock jokes:

The first one you did is a little different to the one I know.

Knock Knock
Who's there
Boo Who
No need to cry it's only a joke!

Craig said...

Well, since you'll apparently be gone for your birthday (Sunday, right? 'Cuz it's the day before mine), I'll wish you many happy returns right now. And hey, this is the year when yer age and yer birth year are the same! How convenient!

I know I've got a few good knock-knock jokes, but darned if I can think of 'em just now. If I remember any of 'em, I'll run back and leave 'em here. . .

Barbara Shallue said...

You get to see Daryl again? ?? Oh, great jokes and congratulations on the Herald!

Ami said...

My kids love knock knock jokes. They make up a lot of them. Some are even humorous.

But none of them have made me laugh like this one:

And when you look on the sidebar, watch their Mother's Day video, too.

If you haven't seen it (or even if you have) I promise you'll laugh.

Waiting for you to come back and post, Suldong. ;)

messymimi said...

No knock knock jokes, and i will check the Herald (although they won't let me comment any more, seems all the signing up i did wasn't any good).

And like a bad penny, i'll turn up again when you do.

The Broad said...

Hey, Sully, I have a new knock-knock joke. You want to hear it?

Of course, I love knock-knock jokes.

O.K. ... You start...

Suldog said...

I know what's coming, but I'll play along...


Karen said...

Crap, indeed. (I mean the JW knock-knock joke... not your writing!!) :)

Jackie said...

I'll be checking the Herald's pages and complaining if I don't see you there.
Have a safe and wonderful trip. I will miss you while you're gone.
Hugs to you and Your Wife.

joeh said...

Grand-toddlers love knock knock jokes

Knock knock
Who's there?
Doodle who?
Doodle doodle poop poop

this is followed by lots of giggling so I guess it is funny to a 4 YO.

Hilary said...

Awww lucky you.. you get to spend time with Daryl and Ray. Please give her a hug for me.

Your knock knock jokes made me laugh. :)

Fireblossom said...

The Jehovah's Witness one cracked me up.

Say hi to Daryl for me, okay? :-)

Veronica Roth said...

Ha, popping over form Daryl, yup, I just had Jehovah's three at the door. Yup there was the rolling of the eyes and the crossing of the hands and the tapping of the foot. Lucky boy that you get to spend time with D and R. enjoy. :)

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

Happy Birthday, Sully.
I'd've wished you and YOUR WIFE a happy anniversary, but somehow it was the day before and then the day after.
Aw shizzle!

Stu said...

What's your byline for the Herald?

Joanna Jenkins said...

Jeez, I don't have one single knock-knock for you... Yours cracks me up.
I'll be on the lookout for your stuff!

Pat - Arkansas said...

You are now officially my favorite "geezer."

P.S. I really LIKE asparagus soup. Whazzamattayou?

Suldog said...

Stu (and anyone else interested) - My by-line at the Boston Herald is "Jim Sullivan"

The latest is here...

lime said...

so late to the show. you know, we are not tht far from nyc....just sayin' ;)