Monday, April 15, 2013

Sunday Bunnies





In my continuing effort to avoid doing what I promised you almost two weeks ago, today I decided to conduct an experiment.

I'm not sure why I'm finding it such a chore to make good on that thing. I usually enjoy spouting off and portraying myself as some sort of expert. I think this unemployment is affecting my self-confidence. And if I'm suddenly becoming humble, that's going to make everything I've previously written truly sad. Be that as it may - and it's only April - the experiment I decided to conduct today came about because the previous experiment I've been conducting, since losing my job, has been such a success. That experiment involved finding out how long it would take for me to become a big tub of out-of-shape goo if I sat on my ass in front of a computer most of the day getting no exercise at all and eating twice as much as I did while working, so today I decided to get off my ass - literally - and take a walk.

I went out the door and took a jaunt down the block. It was a nice morning, weather-wise, so I figured I'd do a mile or so before coming back to the house, having a cigarette, eating a huge hunk of the lovely banana cornbread MY WIFE was baking, and then plopping myself down on the couch to watch the final round of The Masters (which, in my present physical condition, would probably prove to be a fairly strenuous sort of a workout.)

After going three blocks, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly (becoming short of breath from doing such a rigorous sort of thing on top of my walking) and I saw a bunny. It was a little brown cottontail. He saw me at about the same time I saw him. He stopped in his tracks and apparently thought the same thought which has been thought by rabbits the world over since time immemorial: If I don't move, you can't see me.

(Because of that behavior, arguments can be made both for and against evolutionary theory. The argument against is that an animal with such a stupid thought process should have been wiped out long ago. The argument for is that they have become prolific breeders due to the fact that if they didn't have so many babies, the species would never have survived. Of course, the same arguments could be made concerning red-headed Irishmen who smoke, so skip it.)

I stood still to see if the bunny would start moving again. No go. Bunnies don't think things through. I mean, if you were a bunny, and you believed that not moving made you invisible, wouldn't the thought occur to you that if you saw some other creature standing still then that other creature could probably see you even if you were standing still? No, of course not. You'd be a bunny and therefore incredibly stupid, but prolific (and perhaps fairly happy because of that part of the equation.) So, like I say, the bunny didn't move. I decided, after about a minute of standing there being as dumb as the bunny, I should probably get moving again because I wasn't getting much of a workout staring at a rabbit.

I walked another block or so and a thought occurred to me.

(No, it wasn't the first thought that had occurred to me during the walk. I had also considered picking up a ball I saw on the street, and wondered how long it would take for a wad of bubble gum I had seen to actually biodegrade, and took under consideration the theory that even if I didn't get much exercise from my walk, I might at least find something interesting to write about, but I think I'm disproving that with extreme prejudice.)

Anyway, the thought occurred to me to test the theory of whether or not having a bunny cross your path is good luck or bad luck. I figure since cats of a certain color are considered to imbue luck of some sort when they happen to be in your general vicinity, why not a bunny? So I decided to buy two lottery tickets at a store situated at about the halfway point of the distance I planned on walking.

(Yes, you're right. I have just said something even stupider than what a rabbit might say if rabbits talked. That should probably invalidate any findings I present here, but I've already written too much for me to turn back now.)

After about a half-mile on my walk, I entered the store. I saw a sign advertising electronic cigarettes. I had been wondering about such things, as being an unemployed sluggard gaining weight and not getting enough exercise has not been my only concern of late. I've been coming to the realization that I'll not really be able to play fast-pitch softball this season unless I also do something about my smoking. At the very least, the combination of extra pounds and smoke-filled lungs does not an effective catcher make. I decided that as long as I was doing something idiotic such as buying lottery tickets, I may as well try to do something halfway intelligent and see if it helped to even things out so that God wouldn't whack me with a lightning bolt on general principles.

I left the store and completed my walk by heading home. When I got there, I gave one of the lottery tickets to MY WIFE. She scratched one of them and I scratched the other. It apparently makes little difference regarding luck if a bunny happens to cross your path. While my ticket was a losing proposition, the one MY WIFE scratched was a winner for exactly one-half of what I spent in acquiring both tickets. Since this is about what one might have expected one way or the other without taking into account chance encounters with rodents, it is a wash.

As for the electronic cigarette, it is now about five hours since my walk. I have not had an actual cigarette in that time. I would usually have had three or four. It seems to be satisfying the cravings fairly well. If it turns out that this is what finally works to help me quit smoking after over forty years of it, I'll consider the bunny very lucky indeed. We'll see. I'm not holding my breath, so to speak, but it seems like it might be more effective than any other stop smoking aid I've tried, so I'll give it a fair shot and see how I feel by the end of the day.

Soon, with less rabbiting.


27 comments:

Jackie said...

I always smile when I see there has been a blogpost from you, Jim. And today is no exception.
You are no dumb bunny. So glad that you had the time out and about. I'm wondering if Thumper is still sitting there...
Please, continue to keep us posted on the benefits of the electronic cigarette. You know I am cheering for you.
Hugs,
Jj

OldAFSarge said...

Ah finally! A post from Suldog. Makes my day it does. Rabbits and electronic cigarettes. All tied in with a walk around the neighborhood. Ha, brilliant! Brilliant I say.

And I didn't even mention the lottery tickets. A most entertaining post, no kidding. I wasn't sure where you were going with all that, then I realized that it didn't matter. With you, the journey is the thing. Not the destination.

And it's a cliffhanger as well. Will he quit smoking, or won't he? Love it. I quit five months ago. No villages have been sacked. Yet. Though I've been sore tempted at times.

Good luck, we're all on your side. Well, except for IT. God only knows whose side IT is on. And I say that with love and respect. Sort of.

Chuck said...

Good luck quitting smoking, Jim!

Buck said...

The best news is about the electronic ciggies. I won't flog dead draft animals here because you KNOW where/why my concerns are what they are. All I can say is good luck. I hope it works.

Tabor said...

I think that getting in shape, stopping smoking and getting outdoors are all things that will bring you MUCH luck.

Ami said...

Stopping smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. And I'm coming up on 21 years smoke-free.
As for the fat and out of shape? We're not talking about that.

Bunnies are food. They can be friends. They can also be crabby little bastards, my cousin Kathy had one that would ATTACK. And try to scratch the hell out of a person with the back feet.

lime said...


I say a walk is always good luck so long as you don't get run over or fall down. I know unemployment can do a number on your head so I am glad you decided to be good to yourself. I do hope this electronic cigarette helps you to quit cigarettes. My unemployment brought me to yoga, which was a really beneficial thing for me in so many ways. If yours brings you to smoke free lungs that will be excellent.

Keep taking walks. It's good for helping the mind clear out. After the winter it's good to embrace spring a bit....hoping for a great softball season for you as well.

joeh said...

Those e-cigs are just a different method of administering nicotine and may be more dangerous than the real thing so don't get hooked on them. I used them when quitting two years ago, and when the going gets tough they do take the edge off and were useful in weening myself from the drug. THe other thing that helped me was quitting (or cutting waaay back) on alchohol. Booze and cigs go hand and hand and it is really tough to quit smoking if you still enjoy an occasional beverage...(I enjoyed an occasional beverage about 15 times a day.) Good luck in quitting. Announcing your attempt in blogerville may help give you incentive as if you don't quit now we will all bust your chops!!

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

Are you looking for some kind of response?

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

As always, Jim, good luck with your endeavors

Take whatever those AF NonComs say with a grain of salt

messymimi said...

A good friend of mine has had great luck quitting with the e-cig, and i hope it works for you, too. Where will the rest of the year be if we don't have your reports from the teams you are playing on?

OldAFSarge said...

I fear that all I have done is awaken a slumbering giant and filled him with a terrible resolve.

Along These Lines ... said...

Run rabbit, run

Hilary said...

There are far worse ways to spend a day than walking, getting healthier, encountering a sweet albeit dumb creature and giving thought to what significance it may have. You know I wish you luck. Hugs to you.

Daryl said...

i am hopping with glee .... that cottontail was lucky for you (and for us and YOUR WIFE) ... i hope the grand experiment continues .... and Harry said as soon as he is well he will send you as pawograph

sandyland said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sandyland said...

I am going into the kitchen twice in the next 2 minutes . since a cat is sitting in front of my monitor I shall try not to sneak something out of fridge -- naw

Lowandslow said...

Go Big Jim! Quit...Quit...Quit...

We have reabbits in the field across from where I live. And a store that sells lottery tickets just around the corner. I wonder if this is an omen?

S

Juli said...

I had to have fasting blood work done this morning and while we were driving home we saw a bunny hoping through the center of the town. Youngest laughed because the bunny actually looked like he looked before he crossed the rail road tracks...

Congrats on the cutting down. Every less one that you smoke gets you closer to zero.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

I started my blog just about the time I stopped smoking.
Now I spend the time I would have spent smoking in front of the computer.
What have I gained?
A whole bunch of new friends...
...and I feel a whole lot better.
The one thing that made it a whole lot easier was that I was entirely ready to stop and GS made a sacrifice by taking herself out to the garage when she smoked.
In fact, since I stopped, nobody's smoked in our house.
How cool is that?
Anyway, I'm not a fanatic about being a non-smoker.
It's a whole lot easier to be supportive of those who want to stop or those who have to stop.
So, you're on the right track and you will save a few bucks if you stop.
But you might also gain a few pounds.

Michelle H. said...

Interesting. I've researched and wrote articles about e-cigs. They aren't really designed for people to quit smoking, since you are still getting nicotine from them. Manufacturers are very careful on how they market them, strictly saying the e-cigs are for entertainment purposes. But you can control the amount of nicotine, and perhaps lessen it over time to quit the cravings. Basically, they are a way to smoke around people who don't like cigarette smoke.

But I do hope it works out for you! Won't know it until you try it.

Funny story. When I was a kid, I saw a baby bunny outside. Just like your bunny, it stopped and pretended it wasn't there. Being a dumb kid, I walked right up to it and plucked it out the grass (you'd think I would have learned my lesson when doing the same thing with the chipmunk that bit my thumb -- oh, well). Anyway, the bunny did this high-pitched, crying baby/mewing kitten screech. I dropped it straight to the ground when other rabbits appeared from the bushes. Almost reminds me of a Monty Python scene.

Buck said...

Ahem. Don't go stirring up the rabble, IT. We KNOW how to get even.

Quirkyloon said...

I've never been a fan of bunnies. Just rodents with longer ears.

*ducking tomatoes*

HA!

Good luck with your e-cigging efforts!

Lil said...

For the bunny to be lucky, you would have had to steal it's foot.

Juli said...

PS I hope you were no where near the finish line today. I had fleeting thoughts of bringing the kids in to watch, but then the couch called me for a four hour nap instead. Never been so happy that I chose to be lazy. Hoping everyone you know is well.

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A Daft Scots Lass said...

I can't remember the last time I've heard someone say "take a jaunt down the block"