Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Unlucky Dog



If you snoozed yesterday, this won't wake you up.

Two weeks ago, I gave up tickets to the Celtics - Cavaliers deciding game in order to play softball at M Street. The Celtics won one of the most satisfying games of the playoffs, and my softball team got stomped on.

Last night, I once again had to decide between playing softball and going to the Celtics game. I went to the Celtics game.

This time, the Celtics lost (in overtime) and my weekday softball team won their first game of the season, 27 - 4.

It must be me.

I'm hitting .273 over there, which translates to about .182 in baseball terms. I've drawn 6 walks (despite the statistician at the site only having given me credit for 5) and that gives me a decent on-base percentage, but still. When you've been doing most of the catching, and the night you're not there the opposition puts up their lowest run total of the year, it makes you wonder if perhaps you might be deficient defensively, too.

Insofar as the Celtics are concerned, I put the jinx on them. I told a friend, who mentioned the Bruins recent collapse when up three games to none, that if the Celtics blew this series I'd let Alex Rodriguez do lewd things to me in Macy's window at high noon. So, just like when the Bruins had such an insurmountable lead, and lost game 4 in overtime, so have the Celtics.

It must be me.

Mea culpa, Celtics. Sorry! For the record, I'll now say that you're going to lose this series. Get stomped upon, actually, just like the Swingers have been doing every time I get behind the plate for them. You'll be reviled in Boston folklore as the only NBA team to lose a playoff series after leading 3 games to none.

Mea culpa, Swingers. If not for me, you'd be 6 - 0. You'd be challenging for the title instead of having the worst record in the league.

I'm not going to let MY WIFE read this. She'll realize how much my mere presence is dragging her down. If not for my bad luck, she'd probably be living in a penthouse apartment on Park Avenue, eating bon-bons all day and carrying a silly little dog in her purse.

(Her allergy to pet dander would be non-existent, of course. That must be my fault, too.)

And YOU. Just by reading me, you've lost all chance at success. My sincerest apologies. Had I known what I was doing to all of you, I would have killed myself ages ago.

(Not that I'm going to do so now, you understand. I figure the harm has already been done, and it's too late to eliminate the cause. But I wouldn't come here in the future, if I were you. You might still be able to save yourself.)

Come to think of it, my presence in America is probably why our financial systems are tanking and so many other peoples keep trying to bomb us. If I want to do the world some good, maybe I should consider moving. Anybody know any Iranian fast-pitch softball teams looking for a catcher?

I would say...

Soon, with more better stuff.

... but, well, you know.


23 comments:

Cricket said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cricket said...

Ah - it's all clear now. I knew it couldn't be me ;-)

Hey, thanks for the short post. I signed in and saw you posted 24 seconds ago. Couldn't resist the chance to speed read and get in there in under 2 mins.

(oops - typos, so much for speed :-P)

Brian Miller said...

man, and i was looking forward to a good day too...

Jenn said...

Damn, that sure is a lot of weight to carry around on your own shoulders. Oh wait a minute, are you doing the reverse psychology trick now? OK, shhhh, I won't tell...

And at least the Celts have won a championship recently, the poor B's seem doomed to repeat the long tradition of the Sox & Pats 'get us all amped up just to let us down'

Jewels said...

YAY! a HOCKEY REFERENCE!! So the buins got clobbered by Philly... then Philly tromped the Canadians last night. Sad. All in all, I would've rather played the Bruins.

As for the celtics, you ARE a curse aren't you? Well I guess the moral of the story is to stay home with your curtains closed and to not go anywhere? (You weren't at the Canadians game last night were you?).

You can't do that. Maybe you should spend your time going to philly games. At least then I could feel satisfied that they didn't get the cup.

Michelle H. said...

Hm... I didn't want to consider it. But now that you brought it to my attention I guess I can lay the entire world's problems resting at your feet.

Sorry little billy goat. I'll not take the blame for any bad decisions in my life anymore. Whenever something bad happens, I'll point my finger northward and tell everyone, "The scapegoat lives in Boston."

(Can't leave without throwing out some feel-good comment. I know you have Irish roots, which means I'll just take all the seeming bad luck you mentioned in this post and consider it just blarney.)

lime said...

great thanks..i shouldn't have read this after posting what i did today. my own lucky streak will come to a grinding halt.

word veri:limonsin...yeah i am so not going there. citrus repent!

Jeni said...

I definitely will not tell you what good things came my way recently for fear he may move back in here again and ruin my lucky streak for sure!

Craig said...

Wow, that is impressive!

How much would it take for me to get you to hate the Tigers?

I went to see the local minor-league team the other night; they came in on an eight-game win streak, and lost a doubleheader, 2-0 both games. I arrived a little late for the opener (it had been scheduled as a single game, but the night before got rained out, so they moved the start up by an hour and played two), and it was already 2-0, in the second. So basically nothing happened after that. The second game, the visitors scored two in the top of the first, and then nothing after that (altho the home team did squander bases-loaded-no-outs before it was over). When Jen asked the kids how the game was, their highlight was the lady who got beaned by a foul ball, and taken out in an ambulance. . .

So, on a smaller scale, maybe, I feel your pain. . .

i beati said...

just how lewd..dedication what can I say /

TechnoBabe said...

Oh my, I can see how you would have a tendency to think it must be you. Perhaps you are right, you should watch the Celtics on TV and watch your softball team from the bleachers! Ha. Not funny, huh? I know how much you love playing and for me I would not give that up for any other game anyway. Keep playing and having fun is my way of thinking.

Buck said...

And YOU. Just by reading me, you've lost all chance at success.

Shit. This must mean I'm gonna wind up in a trailer park in New Mexico or sumthin'. Wait. What?

Ruth and Glen said...

Guess this is not good news for us. We'll probably be stuck in California with no chance of ever getting back to the East Coast.

We're hoping Michelle is right and this is all a bunch of blarney from our favorite Irishman. :o)

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

I called A-rod's agent last night after the Celtics game just to make sure he stocks up on lube.

And I heard the Orlando Magic just signed Dave Roberts.

IT said...

"If you snoozed yesterday..."

A certain Beatle's song comes to mind.

Daryl said...

Maybe you just need to find a lucky charm or three

Matt Conlon said...

Nice work Jim. Tell me, were you anywhere near the oil down south?

IT said...

I have a friend who's on a road trip. He and his wife were planning to go to the gulf coast... plans changed. Then they were planning to visit Nashville... plans changed. They have decided not to plan anything else for awhile.

Uncle Skip, said...

I left a response for you over on my blog.

Hilary said...

I snoozed yesterday but I woke up some today. I think I'll still take my chances and come back next post. :)

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, Jim...I'm roaring...you MUST be my long lost brother!!!!! Why? BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS MY FAULT!!! You are a gem! An absolute gem!!! Big, big hugs, Janine

Tim King said...

Oh. So that's why I'm such a loser. Thanks, Jim, for explaining that. I'm leaving now. -TimK

Thimbelle said...

Pishtosh, silly boy. Utter nonsense.

YOUR WIFE would never carry a silly dog in a tiny purse (or vice-versa)

XO

Thim