Thursday, April 15, 2010
MY WIFE generally prefers that her face not be seen here. I can't say that I blame her. Being associated publicly with anything I do is likely to cause hideous embarrassment for a person, sooner or later. For instance, here it appears I'm about to puke all over my birthday eclairs. No wonder she doesn't want to be seen!
So, in deference to her wishes, I have always kept her name hidden and I generally try to keep her face out of things, too.
But, damn, how can I pass up showing her dressed as a cherry pie? Woot!
See? Now she's all embarrassed. And that's how she poses for a photo if she has even the slightest inkling that the shot will appear on these pages.
However, once in a while she lets herself be caught in a pose that truly captures her athleticism.
Oops! I've embarrassed her again!
Some of you actually know her, while some of you know her only from these pages. I suspect there may be one or two people, new here, who don't know her at all. Well, here's a quick tutorial.
MY WIFE (always ALL CAPS, because... well, I guess you could read this, but it's damn long. Suffice to say she doesn't want her real name used and the CAPS are a sign of my love and respect) is my soulmate. The possibility might exist that I have other soulmates out there, but she's the one who got to me first, so she has dibs. And damn fine ones, too, I might add.
(She will read that last sentence and groan, but she won't divorce me. MY WIFE puts up with my overwhelming penchant for turning everything into a dirty joke. Soulmates will forgive the little peccadilloes.)
(And don't think I couldn't have done something similar with that sentence. Yikes!)
I can count on the fingers of one hand (I think even Mordecai Brown's hand would be enough) the number of actual fights we've had over the course of the 20 years (including 18 years of marriage) since we first met.
(Oh, you want to know how we first met? Here you go! If YOU want a soulmate, go thou and do likewise!)
(Or have your mother do likewise - and, no, that's not some sort of an insult. You'll understand when you read it.)
When I am hurting, MY WIFE hurts. When I cry, she tastes salt. That doesn't do me even a tiny bit of good, but she really likes salt, so she'll use any excuse.
(She actually laughs at some of this crap. How could I not love her?)
MY WIFE likes to take me on Mystery Dates. Since it's a mystery why she wanted to date me in the first place, it is somehow apropos.
Want to know more about her? Try these posts in which she is featured prominently:
MY WIFE wakes up on The Morning Of The Last Day Of My Mini-Vacation
MY WIFE is Howard Stern in A Halloween Story
MY WIFE is as much of a slugabed as I am during My Day At The Marathon
MY WIFE is fairly much as insane as I am while we write out George Bernard Golf Club Leans To One Side
MY WIFE goes to the grocery store with me! Mt. Olive Pepper Rings Jimmy Fund Shopping
And, of course...
The Wedding Of The Decade
... said decade being the 1990's, so if you were married in that decade, tough bananas. Ours was the best. Sorry!
And who could live without...
COED NAKED SNOW JOGGING!
There are, of course, many others. She is the reason I started blogging in the first place. It was her suggestion that I do so. Therefore, all of you people who are sick and tired of me have her to blame.
Hey! Look! Here's a whole bunch of random photos with her in them!
And now, if you would be kind enough to leave your best wishes, happy birthday greetings, or most sincere condolences concerning her marital state, I'll show them to her on Sunday. Thanks!
Soon, with more better stuff.