Monday, August 17, 2009

I'm Too Cute For Words



Or maybe, just cute enough.

What you are about to see originally appeared in Woman's World magazine. Some of you may be familiar with that publication. It's one of those magazines that puts contradictory blurbs on the cover. You can find 25 superb dessert recipes inside, and also how to lose 10 pounds quickly. That seems to be the modus operandi for quite a few magazines aimed at the female audience, so it's no wonder a large percentage of women have hideous self-image problems.

(Also, most women's magazines - if they don't have food on the cover - have women on the cover. Men's magazines usually have women on the cover, too. What's up with that? I know why women on the cover make men's magazines sell, but why in hell do women snap up magazines with other women on the cover? I would think they'd like to see handsome men on the cover, but apparently that's not how it works.)

(And, of course, I'm just talking about your average run-of-the-mill heterosexual women here. What lesbians have on the cover of their magazines, I don't know. Maybe it's all women there, too? Let's have a look...



Hmmmmmmmmmm. You make the call.)

(Yes, I know. I'm a heteronormative sexist pig. Anything for a laugh!)

My Mom had a small story published in Woman's World in 1992.

(Imagine that. My Mom had something published nationally 17 years ago. I'm still waiting for my first acceptance. I don't know what the problem is. Perhaps I've misjudged the public taste. I thought stories about big rubber dicks would be just the thing to get me into Good Housekeeping.)

So, anyway, My Mom had a story published in Woman's World. Why, here it is now!



Is it at all possible that anything I have to say could add value to that? No, certainly not. However, I would like to point out, for the record, that was the last time to date I've chirped.

Soon, with more better stuff.

(By the way, this is what I was going on about all of last week when I was verklempt about not having a scanner available. Was it worth the wait? Before commenting, keep in mind we're talking about My Mother here, you snarky bastards.)


46 comments:

Michelle H. said...

Yes, it was worth the wait. That article was the cutest thing I ever read. Two sticks of gum and a cup of water - awesome!

Buck said...

"Before commenting, keep in mind we're talking about My Mother here, you snarky bastards," he chirped. But it was a deep chirp.

lime said...

well dangit, i'm all misty eyed now. that was a gift of pure love, from you to your mom, and from her to you.

Desmond Jones said...

Awwwww. . . You wuz such a sweet boy, Jimmy. . .

And I'll refrain from commenting on what makes Daddy wake up happy at OUR house. . .

'Cuz, you know, it would be totally out-of-context with cute three-year-olds, and such. . .

Snowbrush said...

Were YOU Jimmy, and did you really do that?

"What lesbians have on the cover of their magazines, I don't know."

Mostly chess sets and puppies, often with the puppy draped provocatively over the chess set.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

I bought a Lesbian magazine once, in error I add, because I thought it was a new woamns magazine. By that I mean a NEW woamns mag not and New-womans mag...aw forget it. ANyway, it was more about sex aids that it was anything else...I mean I know I'm daft but, if you dont want a man why would you want a fake mans thingy to give you pleasure...should it be the woman...aw forget it...there are more things for me to concern myself with , but..well aw ah drop it saz...

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

aw sorry sul did you say your mum will read this....

Karen said...

This is the kind of stuff mothers remember forever and it's better than an expensive gift any day.

sandyland said...

Well now I'm blubbering all over the page. No way you're going to one up that !!!!!you lucky devil Sandy

Jeni said...

Ah, this post was most certainly worth your waiting around to be able to scan it. If we hadn't seen it actually in print, we may have thought you were pulling our legs -especailly about the chirping!
Good post! I love stuff like this ya know!

eileen said...

Aww. cute story! Two sticks of gum and a cup of water, the breakfast of champions.

Jenn said...

Worth it? I seriously teared up so hell yeah it was worth it! Your mom is a rock star! That was the sweetest thing ever, so glad you shared it :-)

Thimbelle said...

Yes, totally worth the wait.

I'm now in a diabetic coma from the actual SWEETNESS of that story.

You have always been a big 'ol puffy marshmallow, haven't you?

Note to Sully's Mom: Seriously, that was just most lovely little story, ever. What a little sweetheart he was! And what a good man he has turned out to be. I know you are (justifiably) proud! :)

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

you're so sweet, specially for a ginga...
Lovely piece - worth the wait for a scanner :)
Agree with Saz about the aids...

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Oh, you have a soft side.

Lesbian wonder twins? That sounds so demeaning. I am out of touch.

Ananda girl said...

I do not for a moment believe that was the last time you chirped! I believe that you do it regularly in secret where you think no one will see you. Ha.

What a wonderful son you are/were. Kudos to mom for that! What a delightful story.

And that photo... way too cute!

Theresa said...

Oh Suldog, you little chirper you. That was the sweetest story. You make me want to just hug you. Sweet post. Thanks for sharing.

Chris Stone said...

What a sweet story!

Rhea said...

That was very sweet. What a great kid.

Shammickite said...

What flavour was the gum?

Mushy said...

Why is it every cool story about a little boy and his mom is always complimented with "that's sweet"? Cause it is!

Great post dude!

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Yep, you had to wait for the scanner or it wouldn't have had the same sentimentality. Who knew that the chirpy little gum-server would end up being a degenerate blogger? And I mean that, of course, in the nicest way possible.

Tim King said...

OMG, Jim! You were so sweet! And cute as the dickens.

So what happened to you? :-p

-TimK

Tim King said...

I forgot to mention, in all seriousness, I read an article, or a chapter, or something, somewhere, once that gave an explanation for why both men's and women's magazines have women on the cover. It's because men like to look at beautiful women, because they want to have them. And women like to look at beautiful women, because they want to associate with them and be like them.

-TimK

P.S. At first I thought I had read that in Buyology: Truth and Lies about Why We Buy, but I can's seem to find the reference in there. It might have been an article on they psychology of ads, though.

Chuck said...

Nice article your Mom wrote, there! It must be sharing Mom articles week as I just linked to one my Mom wrote last week (not about me, though.)

Elaine said...

Oh...what a cutie!

Did you put one stick of gum on the tray and think "hmmm. That may not be enough." LoL.

Granny on the Web said...

Cute story from Mum. Are we seeing the softer sensitive side of Suldog?

Love Granny

Gennasus said...

Yes, it was worth the wait.

There's been a whole lot of 'sweet' in these comments and I'm going to have to add to that, because that's just what you were - SWEET!

Thumbelina said...

Definitely worth the wait. Like waiting for my next post.

Talking of which, I can't find my name in the UK bit or in the graveyard since it's been about a month. Am I dead?
Academic really friend ... watch this space. I can't find time and will have to pack up soon.

But I'm still reading. Lots. Especially you. Hope your male bits went back to a more natural colour. That bright pink almost matched your face! Almost. ;0)

Moannie said...

I love it when I'm right...said you were marshmallow under that crusty,flip exterior.

Worth the wait? Oh yeah.

And worthy POTD, so there. Guess your next post will be your normal scornful self...but too late my dear.

Sandi McBride said...

Congrats to your Mom but Jim, you've been chosen by David and isn't that almost as good? In some respects, even better? Not to outdo your mom, you know...and yes, you are too cute for words!
Sandi

Suldog said...

Some random answers to comments...

Buck is in the lead for comment of the year.

*******************************

Thimbelle says I'm a big ol' puffy marshmallow. You think I'm fat, Thim?

[runs into bathroom, slams door, and cries]

*********************************

Shammickite wonders what flavour the gum was. Peuppeurmiunt.

Nobody gets that?

[runs into bathroom, slams door, and cries]

*******************************

Tim - Thanks, Tim. Yeah, I remember seeing something along those lines, somewhere, but it's more fun to play ignorant. If you don't, you can't work in otherwise superfluous jokes about lesbians who look like young teenage boys!

*******************************

Thumbelina - Oh, I'm sorry! When you changed addresses, I thought - incorrectly, I see - that you didn't want to be linked anymore. I will change that immediately!

********************************

Moannie also says I'm a marshmallow.

[runs into bathroom, sees two others of himself already there, freaks out and screams]

*********************************

And it appears that David McMahon has mentioned this post in his Post Of The Day, which is always an honor (or, perhaps, honour.) When the trophy arrives, Mom, I'll send it on to you for display on your mantle, so go out this weekend and buy a mantle.

[wonders whether Mom knows there isn't really a trophy, runs out of bathroom, then into bathroom, cries, screams, and then realizes all of that running and screaming and crying has made him get into shape and he no longer resembles a marshmallow. Yay!]

♥ Braja said...

I only had to read the title to be impressed. Though I must say, "heteronormative" has me intrigued....

Gaston Studio said...

Definitely worth the wait! Had a few stories like those myself Suldog, but wasn't bright enough to send them to women's magazines in hopes they'd be published.

Congrats to your mom and congrats to you on POTD Contender!

Hilary said...

Aww .. I think I'd pay to hear you chirp.. perhaps on the Talkback blog.. ;)

Stu said...

Am I missing out by not being a snarky bastard? Do they have all the fun?

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Reminds me of when my boy brought me cold mint tea in a plastic beaker with milk in it. Mmmmmm...lovely....

Debbie said...

That is the sweetest article ever!

Joan said...

Awwww, so nice. Your mom was so proud of you. And you, of her. :)

connie/mom said...

My Son, My son, has it been so long since you visited that you forget the mantle in the diningroom over which your instant ancestor hangs?

margalit said...

So very sweet, Jimmy.

Kathryn Magendie said...

I had to come by after seeing that comment on my buddy gumbo writer's blog about sodomizing the farm animals - *snort*

The article - awwwwwwwww....wwwww....w.wwwwwww.wwwwww!

Funny Girl said...

Sludog...you better watch it..you don't want people to know what a big sweet teddy-bear you are. What a sweet post....second blog entry tonight that has put a smile on my face. Thanks!

SweetPeaSurry said...

Two Words:

Bloody Adorable!!!


blessings.

Jazz said...

Awwwwwww.

What happened to all that cute?

Pat - Arkansas said...

See! Underneath it all, you are still just a sweet little boy. Thanks for sharing the story; sometimes we need a reminder! (just kidding!!)