Item of note: I am tentatively scheduled to have another appearance in the Boston Herald. I would normally tell you all about it (and then some) on the day it actually appeared, but I am going to be otherwise engaged for the next week or so. I will not be posting here. Therefore, you should go to their website (here's a convenient link) and check every day to see if I'm there (and, if you're really insane, complain if I'm not.)
All of the above might lead you to believe that I consider my writing on par with Hemingway or Twain. Hemingway, maybe, but not Twain. Comparing me to Twain is like comparing a bunch of knock-knock jokes to... well, Twain.
And, with that feeble excuse of an introduction, I now present a whole bunch of knock-knock jokes. I made up some of them, but no prizes for guessing which.
(The reason for my assaulting your senses in this fashion is because I have been told that I am going to be the featured blogger/writer/jerk at GoodRiddlesNow.com on Thursday and Friday. They have a whole section of knock-knock jokes. Some of them are even good! Between that honor and possibly being in the Herald again, I have to believe my future as a writer of note is now secured. Send me twenty bucks and I'll mail you an autographed photo inscribed "To my dear friend [your name], without whom I never would have surpassed Hemingway.")
So, let's make sure we have the agenda firmed up:
1 - You're going to visit the Boston Herald every day to see if I'm there.
2 - You'll go to the GoodRiddlesNow site on Thursday or Friday and gaze at my name in virtual lights.
3 - You'll read all of the knock-knock jokes below and assume I wrote the best ones.
4 - You'll be here, waiting patiently, for my return next week.
I think that covers it. Here come the knock-knocks!
[This photo has nothing to do with knock-knock jokes, but I don't believe I've used it before, I like it, I'm planning on having breakfast with this man and his lovely wife on Sunday, and I needed something to separate the knock-knocks from the drivel above. You're free to scroll down now.]
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Boo.
Boo Who?
Aw, don't cry. It's not as bad as you think.
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Woo.
Woo Who?
See? You're feeling better already!
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Arch.
Arch Who?
Gesundheit.
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Chooch.
Chooch Who?
OK, we can play trains, but I get to be the engineer.
Knock-Knock
Who's There?
The Interrupting Cow.
The Interrup...
MOO!
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Jesus.
Jesus Who?
OK, you go to hell. Next!
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Owlgo.
Owlgo Who?
Yes, and dog go "Woof".
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
The Jehovah's Witnesses.
Crap.
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Pee Cup.
Pee Cup Who?
I see you!
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Panther.
Panther Who?
Panther no panth, I'm goin' thwimmin'..
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
The Libertarian Candidate For State Rep From The 13th Suffolk District.
I can't sign your petition. I'm a Democrat.
But... (slam)
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Harold Pinter.
Eugene Ionesco Who?
Wash 'n Wear Giraffe Radios.
Knock-Knock.
Who's There?
Suldog.
Suldog Who?
Suldog who soon, with more better stuff.
