Sunday, June 21, 2015

No Softball - Herald




The hed somewhat resembles the punchline to an old joke, but so do I. In case you don't know the joke, here's a link that might not help.

A link that will help (well, it will help me) is this one to my op-ed at the Boston Herald. Enjoy my humorous take on politics!

(There is so little politically we can all laugh about, but I think you'll agree that the main premise is extremely laughable. If you don't find it funny - instead finding it something you can get behind - I expect your donation in the mail tomorrow. If you don't find it funny - instead finding it to be something alarming - I assure you it was meant to be funny. If you don't find it funny - instead finding it just boring - that's your tough luck. No refunds.)

As always, anyone with a hard copy of one of my Herald columns in hand will gain admittance to the party I'm going to throw in 2034 when they award me my Pulitzer. There will be free artichokes for everyone attending, so it will be well worth the effort of saving the paper for almost twenty years.

If you say something kind at the website (or, even better, in an actual letter to the editor) such as, "Sully is so good I take his columns into the bedroom and read them alone with my pants down!", I will hunt you down and kill you because that makes no sense whatsoever and my editor will probably never accept anything from me again in fear of you showing up at her office someday demanding your free artichoke.

Well, this has certainly been a pathetic attempt at writing something that would get you to go read my piece in the Herald. Wash 'n wear giraffe radios!**

Soon, with more better stuff (I should hope so.)

P.S. The headline has to do with the fact that my softball games today were cancelled. The writing that followed the headline is what happens when I don't have that outlet. The only time I play now is on Sundays and then it's limited to one or two at-bats. By next week, I will have been in the on-deck circle for two weeks. This does not bode well for you or the Herald.

P.P.S. The artichoke came from here.

P.P.P.S. And, in case you were wondering ** is the answer to What did Harold Pinter say to Samuel Beckett?

P.P.P.P.S. Go read my piece in the... oh, hell, you know where to go if you want to read it. You also know where to go if you don't.

10 comments:

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

Well, Sully, at least you aren't a professional politician.

Jackie said...

Well written.....as always,

Craig said...

Man, I haven't come across the old 'Radio Joke' in years. . .

And I'm thinking of forming my own political party, on the platform of Free Giraffes for Everyone! (or artichokes, or, you know, whatever; Free Shit!)

And listen, don't tell me about how few Republicans there are in Massachusetts, when I know damn well that you've elected two Republican governors in the last 20 years. . .

Suldog said...

Craig - The odd thing is that folks did that but the legislature is comprised of a 4 to 1 D over R mix (approx 160 to 40, between the two houses) and has been that way for as long as I can remember.

messymimi said...

If i lived in your state, i'd probably vote for you. And no, i don't know if that means you really wouldn't want me to. Probably.

Daryl said...

given that loony tune Trump is running ..

sandyland said...

thumbs way up I've got a confederate flag and unhinged people running around to worry about bleh

Mich said...

I will convince every single person I know to vote for you if you make me the Secretary of Beer. I'll even resign from my own personal presidential campaign in the Whig Party.

Anonymous said...

hey, I'm such a fan I'll even BUY an artichoke, what the hell!

juvat said...

So, "No soap, Radio", explains pretty much the entirety of Seinfeld humor. Not actually funny, but just a herd mentality experiment?