Saturday, December 31, 2011

Toot





Toot.

That's the sound of me blowing my own horn again.

(This was the first instance.)

I've been published in The Boston Herald for a second time. God bless them for being such poor judges of talent that I was able to bamboozle them once more!

This time around, the horn I am tootling is a New Year's Eve party horn. Go, read, enjoy (or, at least, pretend to do so, by leaving a comment that lets them know they have discovered the most spectacular writing talent since Mark Twain fathered Ernest Hemingway.)

(I suppose I should let you know that Mark Twain didn't actually father Ernest Hemingway. I figure if you're gullible enough to buy into the notion that I'm a writer worth paying, you probably need to have such things made unambiguously clear.)

HERE is where you should go to read my latest desecration of the language. My byline will be there someplace.

(However, if you'd like to learn how to draw things, such as the horn at the top of this page which I stole, go to How To Draw Cartoons Online! All in all, I'd say that would be a better use of your time.)

Soon, with a brand new year of idiocy!

(And I'll be back writing some more stuff, too.)



37 comments:

Uncle Skip, said...

Bon-bons?

Clare Dunn said...

Facetious?

SarcasticTestGuy said...

I can't help but note that you're taking credit for something that you did while still in 2011.

/sigh

Cheating already!

The Broad said...

Happy New Year, darling child of inanity!

Stephen Hayes said...

Congratulations on the Boston Herald piece. Quite an accomplishment. Your goals are courageous and noteworthy. Someday , somewhere, people will erect a statue in your honor. I'll alert the pigeons. Happy New Year.

SueAnn said...

I go along with Stephen on this one!!
Ha!
Happy New Year
Hugs
SueAnn

Brighton Pensioner said...

You're not going to tell us you got paid - for that?

Michelle H. said...

What are you doing at work on a Saturday? Or have you finally hit the big time and bought Internet at home?

Anyway, Congrats! And I really mean that. It's not every day a person can terrorize innocent Bostonians with reruns from his blog. And I thought I was just the privileged one for visiting your blog to read them. I feel small and insignificant now. Pass me a sympathy bon-bon.

Tabor said...

What a good way to start the New Year. Certainly bodes well for your future!

Jackie said...

You shop once a week!
God bless you.
Happy New Year, my friend.
J.

Karen said...

A fine set of resolutions! Happy New Year, Jim!

Shammickite said...

Happy New Year to you and your WIFE. May 2012 be full of happiness and good health, good food, good times, good fun, and lots more blog posts, and of course, lots more being published in the Boston Herald. You may like to know that I have occasionally written articles for our local newspaper, but I don't think it has the same circulation as the BH.

lime said...

woohoo! i like your list. i should start a similar one. though mine will include no tobacco use. i will compensate by having a far greater intake of chocolate than you do.

silly rabbit said...

Ha. Well said, as usual. I have no doubt that you will give your resolutions everything that you have got! Happy New Year! Big hugs. =:]

Ami said...

I'm disappointed. You're on my sidebar as one of the blogs I read, and the title of this post, "Toot" had me expecting something, well, different.

I suppose I was a 12 year old boy in my past life.

Maggie May said...

Happy New Year! May it be a fantastic one.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Buck said...

I'm with Michelle... what's with the Saturday posting? I'd have missed it entirely if it weren't for Skip.

Nice piece in the Herald. But I have a nit to pick... 7,000 ciggies in the coming years is only a pack a day. Surely you can do better than that? I did, but I'm better now: 365 cigars per year. Sometimes a bit more, but it's hard to keep score.

Jeni said...

Still working on the no smoking -or at least "reduced" cigs -but I have to say you sure do know how to pile it on, don't 'cha?
I see you're planning yet another softball season and even planning to be at least 90% more in shape than your teammates too. No wimpering or whining now, come APril and May when those games begin! And finally, congrats on being "published" in the truer sense of the word too. It really was a good piece to read -but then, you rarely disappoint!
Now have a very Happy New Year to you and your dear wife! Peace.

messymimi said...

Happy New Year, Suldog.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Happy New Year and congratulations - just off to read the article ~ Eddie

Craig said...

Only 12 bird-flippings? I admire your self-control. . . I've been trying to cut back myself. . .

Daryl Edelstein said...

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Absolut Ruiness said...

Happy New Year to you and your MY WIFE!!! Pleasure seeing you in the morning first thing...

Joanna Jenkins said...

Only flip the bird 12 times! That's gonna be tough!

Happy New Year!
jj

Carolina said...

Happy New Year to you and your lovely wife.
Loved the Boston Herald piece. Hope you'll survive your resolutions ;-)

Red Hamster said...

We should all live life with such reckless enjoyment. Congrats on your opportunity to inspire all of Boston with your New Year's resolutions. Your post has inspired me to make my own resolution to eat more of what I like(chocolate), rather than more boring fiber.

Here's to another year of Suldog's obvious jokes, maudlin sentimentality, and self-righteous claptrap!

i beati said...

amazing since it frowns on commercialism. I would have thought it would have gone the other way -- are you back to work??The holidays fly by tooooooooooooooooooooofast for me I still want to hold it close..sk

CiCi said...

Oh, THAT kind of toot! Toot back atcha.

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

Why would I even think of commenting on a post that's all about self-promotion?

Well, because I want some attention. That's why.

Congratulations to you, Jim, and to the Herald.

missing moments said...

Now that was a fun op-ed! Congrats on the placement!

Joan said...

That was a great piece. They are defintely not poor judges of talent.
Congratulations!
Happy New Year to you.

Quirkyloon said...

I dunno. After reading this piece, I think I might be able to make and keep some resolutions too!

You've inspired me.

Truly.

*toot, toot*

Great piece!

ethelmaepotter! said...

Okay now, all I wanted to do was stop by and say Happy New Year. I have now spent approximately 20 minutes reading your recent posts, 5 minutes reading your Boston Herald article, 10 minutes registering with the Boston Herald (honestly, how can so many people already have the name I want to use?) an additional 5 minutes commenting about your op/ed, and 2 minutes wiping laughter tears from my eyes.

If you weren't worth it, I'd be really upset.

Happy new year!

Ethelmae

Mariann Simms said...

Great job...but then again, aren't they all? :)

Ruby said...

Great set of new year resolutions! I enjoyed your article.

Barbara Shallue said...

Whoo-hoo! Congratulations! I'm off to read and leave my comment, although I think they've already caught on they have a very gifted writer on their hands. Oh, and Happy New Year!

Hilary said...

You never fail to make me smile.. and laugh. Thanks for that. :)