Tuesday, January 26, 2010

We Need To Be Stupider





I’ve finally figured it out. It’s taken me close to 35 years to find the answer. If you stick with me here, it will only take you about 10 minutes.

I first heard of the Libertarian Party shortly after my graduation from high school. It was 1976 and I was on my way home from work. Someone handed me a pamphlet in the subway. I looked at it and fell in love. There was no doubt in my mind; this was the political organization for me.

(Aside: I almost always take pamphlets, tracts, fliers, and anything else someone tries to hand me. I figure I'm doing a tiny service for the poor suckers doing the handouts. People who give out such things are always being sworn at, spat upon, passed by with a sneer, and otherwise treated as though they were stricken with a hideous and loathsome contagious disease. They’re God’s creatures, same as me, so I do what I can. And, when I actually smile at them and ask for whatever information they’re trying to impart, it totally makes their day.

If you're a really mean bastard, however, and you want to have some fun, ask them to give you their fliers MORE THAN ONCE, at one-minute intervals. It may take them three or four times to figure out that it’s the same person asking, so be patient. Once they do figure it out, the looks you’ll receive will be well worth the time invested. Keep on doing it until the world turns upside down and they refuse to give you the tract they were so desperately trying to give away only moments ago. Great fun, if you have no conscience.)

Anyway, a reasonably bright-eyed hippie handed me a pamphlet, and the pamphlet told me that somebody named Roger MacBride was running for President.

There was a photo of this character MacBride. He looked no more radical than your average shoe salesman, but the words inside the pamphlet contradicted his looks. He was in favor of completely abolishing all sorts of federal programs, the first politician I had ever encountered who seemed to be promising less than his predecessors. That was certainly intriguing. Better still, he wanted to legalize marijuana.

I‘ve gone on, at length, concerning my drug usage, drug dealing, and other things that have helped to form my political views on drugs. I have no desire to rehash (Hash! Hah!) those things again. Short version: I knew marijuana was relatively harmless. Putting people in jail for smoking it was (and is) one of the most idiotic things happening in a fairly idiotic world. MacBride was the first politician I had ever encountered with guts enough to say so.

I devoured every word of the pamphlet. And, while finding someone for whom I actually wanted to cast a vote was nice, a further revelation awaited me. It turned out he was neither a Democrat nor a Republican. He was some sort of previously unheard of animal called a Libertarian.

Well, I was so taken with MacBride’s pamphlet that I wrote to the address on the back and requested more different pamphlets. I told them to send me everything they had. And so they did. About a week later, I received six or seven other pamphlets in the mail, all of them detailing some aspect of political philosophy that I had never before considered but with which I immediately agreed. I was hooked. I was a Libertarian for life.

And, since that was the first Presidential election I was eligible to vote in, I have never voted for a winning Presidential candidate to this day, nor have I ever supported a winner in a senatorial race. My gubernatorial record is spotty, at best, and my success rate concerning representatives, mayors, councilors, aldermen, library trustees, and dogcatchers ain’t so hot, either. I have cast hundreds of principled votes. I have elected very few principled people.

Libertarianism, while as logical a political philosophy as one is ever likely to encounter, has had little success in gaining votes in the real world. For the longest time, I assumed – as most within the party have – that the problem was one of getting our message out to the voters. More money would solve the problem. Or maybe money isn’t the answer, but free exposure via TV, radio, or perhaps this newfangled thing called the Internet. Oh, wait! Newspapers ignore us, so that must be the problem. Or maybe it’s the unfair election laws, or campaign finance regulations, or... or...

Or maybe it’s none of those things.

I’ve been a Libertarian for over three decades, and I've also had some 10 or 12 years of official involvement within the party hierarchy. I was, for a short while, State Chair of the Massachusetts branch of the party. I’ve run for office as a Libertarian, and I’ve managed Libertarian political campaigns for other candidates. I served a few terms on state and local committees. During those times, I’ve met a wide variety of Libertarian Party members and activists. And I can tell you, truthfully, that I have never – not even once – encountered a stupid Libertarian.

And that, my friends, is the problem.

Until the Libertarian Party appeals to as many stupid people as the Democrats and Republicans appeal to, they will never win as many political contests, nor will they win any of true importance. Intelligence does not a successful political party make – or, at least, appeals that are aimed to connect with intelligent voters won’t put you over the top. It’s only when you can connect with the hoi polloi that you stand more than a snowball’s chance in hell.

(By the way, if you know what ‘hoi polloi’ means, you’re part of the problem, not the solution. Congratulations! If you further know that my use of the word ‘the’ in front of it was grammatically incorrect, and you felt an overwhelming need to tell me so, then you will never win an election and shouldn’t even consider running.)

I don’t mean to brag, but I may well be the only Libertarian in the country whose highest educational achievement is graduating high school with a C+ average. I haven’t made it a habit to ask every party member I meet, but those who come readily to mind are, so far as I know, all college graduates. And many of those people not only graduated college, but also graduated from some of the most prestigious institutions of higher learning imaginable. The list of Libertarians with degrees from M.I.T., Cal Tech, and the like, is formidable; far higher in percentage than the national average. Party leadership is festooned with well-meaning and likable professors who have as little real-world political knowledge as a Catholic priest has concerning sex.

(MY WIFE, who is politically astute but not a Libertarian, just arrived home from work. She asked me what I was writing about. I gave her a truncated version of what I had written thus far. She said that the real problem – although she didn’t call it a problem – was that most people have a desire to be stripped of responsibility. The majority of people, she says, are quite comfortable believing that the government will take care of them. I agreed with her on that, but then opined that this meant that they were stupid. She disagreed with that assessment, but I suspect she did so because she feels comfortable being stripped of responsibility herself and she probably felt I was calling her stupid by extension. I wasn’t. I was just... well, I didn't mean to call her stupid, but I suppose I was, unintentionally, and that’s part of the problem. We Libertarians are very bad at explaining what we believe in without inadvertently insulting those we love and need. And that’s my entire point in a nutshell, I think, so I’ll end this digression and get back to beating on that dead horse.)

I was reading my World Almanac...

(Well, that’s a problem right there, of course.)

I was reading my World Almanac and there’s a section on education. Less than 28% of the American populace has a bachelor’s degree or higher. Well, it doesn’t take a degree in mathematics to understand that, in order to garner a majority of the votes, you have to appeal to at least some of the people who haven’t graduated college. You can’t get to above 50% without them.

If the Libertarian Party is ever going to be a successful player in American politics, it needs to stop being so damned smart. I mean, look at this thing, which is the sort of stuff Libertarians come up with all the time:


Is it intelligent? Sure. Will it appeal to more than a few hundred people across the entire continent? Not a chance. Supersedure? What in the fuck is that?

We don't need to appeal to the intelligentsia. We need to appeal to the majority of American voters. We need to reach out to the imbeciles, nincompoops, dolts, featherheads, skilletbrains, idiots, and morons. Until we dumb down, we're as dead as a dodo and only slightly more relevant.

It’s all well and good to point out the problem – and one hell of a lot of fun, too – but do I have a ready solution? Nope. I’m working on it, though. For the next two months, I’m going to do nothing but eat fast food, watch reality TV and cop shows, read nothing more challenging than People, make it a point to see at least one Will Ferrell movie a week, listen only to gangsta rap, and otherwise attempt to lower my IQ. If I come up with the answer, I’ll be back – if I’ve retained the ability to articulate it.

Soon, with less political stuff.


28 comments:

Expat From Hell said...

When Jerry Springer converts to Libertarianism, and you can start placing your pamphlets in Wal-Mart, you're IN. Until then, well, it's going to be all hoi polloi from here on. EFH

Uncle Skip, said...

Good luck... he said WHTPFIHC

Sir James, you understand. I understand. But all of those folks with the initials after their names don't understand that as long a they feel the necessity for flaunting their intelligence, the ignorati [I made that word up] will turn off the sound.

Uh, oh. The verification word is krapti

IT said...

Ya know, I thought that peopleofwalmart.com was a window into stupidity. Then somebody pointed me to THIS. I am freakin' brilliant!!!

Chris@Knucklehead said...

The Will Ferrell movies alone will do the trick. Believe me, you don't WANT to get any stupider than that.

Carolina said...

I've heard that you should be a member of Skull & Bones to get anywhere in the political world of the USA.
And I'm sorry, but proof for your theory has to be George W. Bush. And he alledgedly is also a Skull & Bones member.

Suldog said...

Holy shit, Ivan. I don't want those people's votes. I want those people's deaths!

Cricket said...

When learned men begin to use their reason, then I generally discover that they haven't got any.

Men invent new ideals because they dare not attempt old ideals. They look forward with enthusiasm because they are afraid to look back.

- G.K. Chesterton

jinksy said...

Lowering IQ - only you could dream up such a concept! I tell you what, old age and increasing imbecility may do the job for you...

That Gal Kiki said...

I love reading blogs that make me think. Thanks for this.

:)

Eva Gallant said...

I'm with Jinksy on this one: Give it time.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

We're on our way!

TechnoBabe said...

Well I must be in cahoots with the nincompoops etc. This was the first time the Libertarian Party was explained so succinctly.

Uncle Skip, said...

Gosh, I'm a librarian ...er, libertine... darn fingers, libertarian.

There are way too many things about you and I that mesh. How do I know this? I have been reading all of those links from last Thursday. Fortunately there are also a number of differences and a whole continent separating us.

How do I know that I'm a libertarian? I took the test... three times... hedging a little. I still ended up at the top of the diamond, just not as far up as the first try.

Thanks for the dental story. Now I won't have to try to tell mine, other than to say it hasn't played out as bad as anticipated. I think is was the implants that scared me the most and they have turned out to be a non-issue.

Foxed said...

I don't think Libertarians need to be stupider. I think they need to think outside the box. The idea that government needs to do less is one that appeals to alot of people, but unfortunately, Libertarians (at least in my experience) want to cut everything back in one fell swoop.

The real strategy you need is to go underground. Infiltrate. Be fiscally conservative members of the Big Two. Take small victories that trim back government services little by little.

I am more a big government guy because I see disaster if you try to turn back the tides of government expansion.

Buck said...

You know my views on the subject (I think), so we'll not flog the deceased draft animals. I have, on rare occasion, voted for Libertarians that won local office. That's a start.

Bruce Coltin said...

Suldog, Remember Gene Burns? I had no idea what a Libertarian was until he explained it.

Ananda girl said...

Your Wife is a smart woman! Like her, I am not a Libertarian. But I also have no real party. I just vote what I think is right. Ha and I am foolish enough to think that I know what is right. I do however have a great many friends on all sides of the fence.

Don't Bug Me! said...

I once heard someone say in an interview that they voted for George W. because he was just like them. Hmmmmm, Stupid is as stupid does?

Shrinky said...

Ha! I ALWAYS vote, ALWAYS for the same party, (well, except for that one time I voted for the Green Party, but I was young and poor then, didn't know I'd live to get old and used to my creature comforts) and my party has NEVER been voted in, either.

Woohoo - maybe I am not as dumb as people take me for?

Oh. I vote Liberal.

Shrinky said...

Darn it! I've just realised I lied. I don't vote Liberal, I no longer have a vote in mainland UK. I have to vote in Craggy Island. All the politicians here are independent stand alone candidates, with no affiliation to any major party.

Hey, hang on.. isn't that Liberal heaven? (Or maybe I'm just really dumb, after all)

BobUnderwood said...

I agree with Foxxed. We have all heard the libertarian geniuses offer to “eliminate the welfare state” in an economy with a 30% unemployment rate, in effect offering to render them hungry and homeless.

We need to trim back carefully. We also need to cut back in prioritized areas, rather than making blanket statement about “big government.” For instance, how many people would miss DSS if it were abolished? Then there is the expensive war on drugs.

But a prerequisite to eliminating things like food stamps, welfare, etc. must be to eliminate or diminish the need for them.

www.electbobunderwood.org

IT said...

The first thing I think we can agree to eliminate is freakin' bureaucratic jargon and acronyms. They cause far too much misunderstanding.
I for one wouldn't miss the Diplomatic Security Service (DSS). Why couldn't the Secret Service cover their functions?

IT said...

I just found out that FDIC mean Free Donuts If Catholic. I wonder if I can find my baptismal certificate.

GreenJello said...

"Until the Libertarian Party appeals to as many stupid people as the Democrats and Republicans appeal to, they will never win as many political contests, nor will they win any of true importance."

Bwahahahahaha! Well, in Utah, I think I found your first idiotic Libertarian candidate for you. (I think the word "idiotic" is being very generous...) You can read about SUPERDELL on Wikipedia, and peruse his blog (http://dellschanze.blogspot.com). Be sure to go back in time to read, and read all the comments. His responses are... interesting. LOL!

lime said...

lol, i think you and YOUR WIFE both have a point. i think you've got the recipe right for lowering your IQ too if that's really your goal.

personally, i love the idea of the british screaming looney party. it's the only one with honesty in advertising.

Tim King said...

Coincidentally, I had a similar thought recently when I was re-reading The Moon is a Harsh Mistress for the 17'th time. (Again, part of the problem.)

Now, I never graduated from college. (But then again, neither did Einstein.) But I do know that hoi polloi is properly pronounced (in Greek) ee PO-lee. (Again, part of the problem.)

Seriously, though, there are at least two forces at work in the U.S. polity. (Another Greek word; again, part of the problem.) One is that there is indeed a lot of pop-wisdom spouted by ordinary people who think they know what they're talking about because they read a column by some pop–Nobel-prize-winning economist, but which is actually stupid, and stupid on its face. (Even the pop–Nobel-prize-winning economist didn't say what his followers do.)

The other force is in those people—even ordinary people—who are indeed annoyed at the incompetence they see in government. If they haven't checked out completely, they like to make fun of government figures, as long as it doesn't get too serious. But they either don't care enough about government as a whole or don't feel they have power enough to make a difference. So they don't. I can't say I blame them, because I too prefer to spend my time watching pop TV dramas or reading trashy romance novels, rather than listening to the stupidity of the first force above.

-TimK

Char said...

I read the covenant and swore on my keyboard. Now I, too, am sold on becoming a Libertarian.

Michelle H. said...

I'm not very political, as you already know, but I say follow what you believe in, even if you're the underdog.