Thursday, July 23, 2009

Groped





(Alternate title: "The Band Is AC/DC, But I'm NOT, Thanks Very Much")

It's an awkward thing being groped when you don't want to be groped. I've been groped - that is, had my crotch grabbed when I wasn't expecting it - exactly twice in my life. Once, it was unexpected but pleasurable. The other time it was entirely unwelcome.

The pleasurable one occurred at an AC/DC concert I was attending with Fast Freddy Goodman.

(We're actually going to another AC/DC concert this coming Tuesday, which is what brought this stuff to mind. Fast Freddy and I have been friends for a bit over 20 years now, since we both worked together in an office supply company in South Boston. We bonded during a Christmas party when we both discovered our mutual love for heavy metal and we sang an a cappella version of Deep Purple's "Highway Star" at the top of our lungs, much to the dismay of the other party attendees. However, I digress.)

The concert was at The Providence Civic Center. I think it was about 8 years ago - maybe a bit more, a bit less. Anyway, FFG had scored excellent tickets for us. We sat second row on the floor, just to the left of center stage.

As we waited for the lights to go down and the band to come on, six spectacularly beautiful women made their way to seats just 6 or 7 seats to our right. And, when I say spectacularly beautiful, I mean that they had stunning curves barely concealed in extremely short dresses. Model-types, except not as thin as most models. Real female bodies, and all perhaps 22 to 25 years old.

As soon as the lights went down, and the band came on, all six of them started flashing the stage. And I don't mean just a casual quick flip up of a top to give a two-second shot of their boobs. I mean they lifted their tops and kept them up until they were sure one band member or another saw them.

We hadn't expected a sideshow with the concert, but we weren't disappointed. This was swell! Then, to our amazement, they started doing each other. I mean to say, they were lifting up their dresses and fingering each other, right in the middle of the crowd. One of them even went down on another one.

(There was a boy, perhaps 14-years-old, sitting directly to my left. He didn't see the band once all evening. His eyes never left the women. Can't say that I blamed him. Mine were there for about 50% of the night.)

Anyway, about an hour into the concert, one of the women, a tall brunette, made her way out of the row. We assumed she was going to take a pee or something, whatever. As she made her way past Freddy and me, she looked me square in the eyes and, while our eyes maintained contact, she grabbed my junk.

I was, to say the least, stunned. I was married and hadn't had another woman touching my stuff, even through jeans, for many years. She gave me a rub, then let go, and winked at me as she continued making her way out of our row.

(For the 14-year-old's sake, I hope she gave him some.)

Well, as I say, I'm married, and as much as I might have liked to have followed her and found out if she had something less-casual in mind, I didn't. My marriage vows stopped me, and rightly so. Common sense, too. I mean, anyone willing to do her friends in the middle of a crowd of 17,000 or so might possibly, just maybe, have had opportunity to contract any number of hideous things that I wouldn't want to have taken home to MY WIFE.

The other groping occurred during the mid-1980's. I was working as a security guard at the time.

And it was a guy who groped me.

I was working the midnight to 8 at an office building in downtown Boston, stationed in the lobby. It was easy duty. I mostly read at my desk, maybe played some chess with a little chess computer I had at the time. My only real job was to make sure nobody broke in, and nobody was going to be stupid enough to do so with someone sitting right there in a uniform in the lobby, with the only entrance to the building locked.

Anyway, one night I'm sitting there reading the newspaper, just waiting for the time to pass, and I hear a knock on the front glass door. A young black guy is leaning against it, smiling. I get up, go to the door, unlock it - after checking to see that there were no other folks lurking around to overpower me - and he stumbles away from the door as I open it a crack. He was obviously drunk. I ask him what he wants.

"You."

"What?"

"I like guys in uniform."

I could smell the booze as he said it. He was tall, thin, light-skinned, and, now that I got a closer look at him, I could see he was a bit fey.

"I don't play for that team. Why don't you go down to The Zone and see what you can dig up?"

(The Combat Zone was Boston's 'red light' district in those days. It is now, unfortunately, long gone.)

"I want YOU," he said. And then he reached forward and grabbed a handful of my uniformed crotch.

I jerked back quickly and said, "Hey! Get the fuck away from me!"

"I only want to make you feel good..." He started toward me again.

"I told you - I'm not into that. Now get the fuck out of here!"

He smiled, sort of sadly, and stumbled away down the street. Dangerous game for him to be playing. I mean, I'm not the type to bash someone just because he's gay - not by any means - but there sure were some neanderthals working in security, and half of them were frustrated cops to begin with. They'd use most any excuse to assert their manliness and beat the crap out of someone. If this guy just cruised random security guards all night, grabbing crotches, he was bound to come out of it hurting at some point.

Well, in both instances, it was an ego boost for me. It always nice to know that someone finds you attractive, no matter how much you're NOT willing to get physical with them as much as they might like to with you.

Soon, with more better stuff.


32 comments:

Tim King said...

Good story. I've never had a guy grab me. Once had a woman grab me from behind.

I was rollerskating with some friends. By this time in my life, I was actually half-decent on roller skates, even though I still basically sucked at it. Anyhow, I was gently rolling along, counterclockwise around the rink, when suddenly I felt someone grab my butt.

I look back to see one of my woman friends chuckling, a close friend with whom I often joked. She had given my butt such a good squeeze, she got her fingers... well...

Even though I was very surprised—and the two of us never were anything other than good friends—it also made me feel pretty good. I smiled back at her and took the joke.

Funny. That's one anecdote I left out of the Love-Idiot book.

-TimK

Ragtop Day said...

I came for the post title and stayed for the riveting story. StorIES! Because I all I can say is - WOW! I'm a bit on the naive side, but even I know groupies are real. But no security? Especially that close to the band? I can imagine the little thrill she gave you on her way to...wherever! :)

I hope your uniform-fan stayed safe that night - you're right - that does sound like dangerous behavior.

Gaston Studio said...

Well Sul, it's good to know that we women aren't the only ones that get unsolicited gropes!

Ananda girl said...

Great fun! You're an equal opportunity gropee! How could you not watch that side show? Ha!

Its so wonderful when someone previously unknown reaffirms your ability to attract...and yet can be scary too.

Ananda girl said...

P.S. "I love it and I need it!
I bleed it! Yeah its a wild hurricane!
Alright hold tight...
Im a highway starrrrrrrr"

Really, it is the best!

Jenn said...

Interestingly enough the only time I ever witnessed anything like this was also at a concert, Dave Matthews Band in fact a few years ago. I guess its just like that for some people. Who knows if we'll see the same tomorrow night, anything can and usually does occur in this world. Glad you enjoyed that show (both of them) hope the concert is fun next week!

Elizabeth Bradley said...

My brother met a woman at a bar once. She just started talking to him, and right away she launched into a description of what she wanted to do to him. He told her he was married. He turned to speak to a friend and she slipped off her stool, bent over and bit him in the crotch, AND SHE BIT HIM HARD. The pain was so great he kneed her and got kicked out of the bar. He said his wife didn't understand whey he didn't want to have relations with her for a couple of weeks. He didn't want her to see the bite marks, and he was a bit sore. This happened back in the wild '70's but he just told me on a recent camping trip. Girls Gone Wild is a real thing.

No wonder some rock stars are so "out there".

Hilary said...

"I jerked back quickly and said, "Hey! Get the fuck away from me!""

Sounds like that was one of the gropes of wrath... ;)

Buck said...

LOL @ Hilary! "Gropes of wrath," indeed!

FWIW... I've been on the receiving end of a same-sex grope and it ain't fun, even after you get past the "WTF?" reaction. I agree with you, Jim, your groper was taking his very life in his hands doing that sort of thing. There are way too many homophobes in the US of A... and violent ones, too... to be indulging in that sort of activity. He was lucky you're one of the more understanding types.

Rhea said...

I am glad you were cool with the gropes, especially the man.

Mushy said...

Saw them back in January...awesome stage production! Have fun!

Angie Ledbetter said...

I'm living a sheltered life!

Mrs. C. said...

I confess, I too gave an unsolicited grope once. It was the pastor, at a church ice cream social. Thought it was my dear husband sidling up next to me and just went for it. The eleventh commandment, folks, is "Thou Shalt Not Grab Without Looking First".

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I like the alternate title better. Just my opinion. Great story . . . what a concert experience.

Jazz said...

Hope you have a great time at the show - and maybe a sideshow this time too?

Michelle H. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle H. said...

Yes, my deleted comment above. Can't spell worth crap today.

I wonder whatever happened to that 14-year-old? And what those women think of themselves at this day and age?

To be groped, I also know how that feels...

Shammickite said...

When we were on the tour boat last week, the man sitting at the end of the row wanted out so had to squeeze in front of us as he went past. My grandson 17 month old Callum grabbed his butt as he went past.... the man turned round with an astnished look on his face, my DIL and I had to assure him very hastily that it wasn't us.... it was the little'un!!!

BTW my son is flying to Boston today to watch a couple of Red Sox basball games. If he finds out there's an AC/DC concert, he may want to go to taht too, he loves heavy metal stuff.

Sandi McBride said...

Hmmm...don't hear a lot of complaining about the first groping...but I believe there would have been gunfire had you been armed for the second one, lol!
Sandi

Sandy Kessler said...

Once I realized you were not arrested for groping I was no longer interestd in this article-- joking Have a splendid Red Sox weekend!!

Gennasus said...

I'm amazed that those women had the nerve! I'm obviously another one who has led a sheltered life.

Thankfully (I think) I've avoided being groped. Possibly the closest I've come to it was when I was about 14 and somebody pressed themselves up against me, which seemed to please them enormously. Of course I could be mistaken, perhaps they had a banana in their pocket, but it was enough to make me uneasy and I moved away fast. Funnily enough, bearing in mind my latest post, this happened at a zoo! Watching the sealions has never been the same since.

lime said...

hhm , interesting to read a male perspective on this. all i can say is the handful (pardon the pun) of times i have been groped by a stranger (heck, even an acquaintance once)it was never pleasant, nor did it make me feel desirable in a nice way. when it happened to me as a young teenager it was very upsetting and i didn't know what to do. when it happened to me after that the groper found out quickly they had groped the wrong gal.

now among folks i know well and we are mutually assured of the acceptability of certain forms of humor, different story. let's say i must have been an old italian man in a former life. i'm a notorious pincher/patter of bottoms (male and female) and i figure if i know someone well enough to give em a pinch i ought to be expecting them to be reciprocated. but that's only with folks who i know won't be mortified.

MVD said...

I was groped (opposite sex, thankfully) on a dance floor at one of those dive college bars where no one in their right mind would order drinks after turning 21. By some inexplicably random force, the girl and I attended the same house party later in the evening. I didn't even know the owners of the place, but hooked up with her on a concrete floor in the laundry room. She kept mumbling nonsense about the two guys who escorted her to the party, and how they "wouldn't understand" if they caught us together.

Karen said...

(For the 14-year-old's sake, I hope she gave him some.) Haha...

Moannie said...

I think my life must have been even more sheltered/But just to show you that I read EVERYTHING you write even if I don't comment on sporting stuff...doesn't Fast Eddy play ball of some shape or size with you?

Veri: word is chick, which I think is somehow appropriate.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Obviously I have been moving in different circles - I would be flattered at the first 'grope' if it ever happenned at my great age but I would probably biff him one regarding the second. After that revelation I feel completely safe with you!
You do come out with interesting stuff! ~ Eddie

Pouty Lips said...

This reminded me of when I was 21 and just barely pregnant enough for my boobs to be nice and ripe...I was walking down the street in Acapulco and some guy just grabbed my ass as I was walking by. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life, and quite the fond memory.

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Now I wish I had a 'Tasteful Post' award. Interesting stuff Suldog, the most us Brits ever do is throw our knickers on stage...not me of course..well there was this once at a Donny Osmond concert...

Lola said...

Come to think of it I was groped once too by a drunk woman in a Beverly Hills restaurant ladies' room. She laughed at my surprised reaction with an equally sauced friend of hers who was just exiting a stall. Those few seconds felt like an eternity, mainly because I was 11 at the time.

bluntdelivery said...

I don't know. I tend to think that being inappropriately groped makes me feel more alive.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

Mmmmm...now l'm not saying l want groped exactly..that would be asking for trouble...but it is very pleasurable if someone rubs our ego with a mild flirtation, or window shopping l call it... not that this really happens on a day to day or decade by decade basis at all...but it does feel good to think, Mmm...if ever...I may still ahve something?? or does that sound all vanity?

Janet said...

Since I'm reading this after the most recent AC/DC concert, I can't help but wonder if those same women showed up last night and ran through the same routine.