Thursday, August 16, 2007

Goop Melange


The first person to identify the source of the title wins my everlasting admiration. I call this piece that because it accurately reflects the contents - a mix of disparate parts adding up (as in the original) to something much more distasteful than its components.

(The picture is appropos of nothing. I just didn't have anyplace else to put it and it's a good one. From left to right: Moe, Larry, Shemp.)

(No, actually it's Jimmy Sheehy, Jake Sheehy, and Pirate Jim. Don't ask.)

The constituent parts of this post, aside from silly photos: Joyful News, an apology, and some meaningless statistics.

First, the joyful news. Good friend Kaylee is through her operation and recovering nicely, according to a comment she posted here yesterday.

For those of you unfamiliar with who she is, what's the matter with you? Don't you visit the people I link to here? Anyway, she is the #1 Red Sox fan in Arizona. She is also (I hope I remember her age correctly) sixteen and had to have heart surgery last week.

Yup. Sixteen. Heart surgery. And you thought you were having a bad day.

Anyway, she is relentlessly upbeat. Heart surgery? Just a minor pothole in the road of life for Kaylee. And she has had the surgery and is recovering nicely. I couldn't possibly imagine more wonderful news. I expect the Sox to go on a ten-game winning streak in celebration.

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And now for something completely different...

About a week ago, I asked you to complete a very short survey. It concerned jobs – how many you’ve had; which one you’ve held the longest; and which one was the highest paying of the bunch. I bet those of you who answered the survey were thinking that I completely forgot about it. Nope. I just ignored it for a little while. Why? I don’t know and most of you don’t care, so let’s just move on.

Your answers were interesting. Some of those answers begged further questioning, but I asked you to give as little or as much information as you felt at ease in giving, so I have to expect that, if you didn’t supply further information then, no further information will be forthcoming.

Be that as it may – and I suppose it may as well be, because what else are you going to do with it? – I told you that I’d give you my answers to the questions later on. Well, now is later on.

However, I’ll ask your indulgence and put off giving you the answers until next week. When I do, I hope I’ll have a really good story or two for you. I’ll have about twenty stories, all told, but I hope I’ll have one or two good ones.

Hah-freakin-hah.

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Finally, the meaningless statistics.


(My good friend, and teammate of longest-standing, Fred Goodman, following my final game with The Bombers.)
(Photo by my other Bombers teammate, Eric Benoit.)

G   AB   H  2B 3B HR  RBI AVG.  BB  K  OB%  SLG%  OPS  R
34 88 38 2 0 0 12 .432 23 7 .550 .455 1.005 42

These are my final stats from my final fast-pitch softball season. Not bad.

As I've said here before, you can take the statistics from our brand of softball and divide by 2/3 to come up with a rough equivalent to baseball stats. Let's assume a baseball season of 136 games played, which would be fairly remarkable for a codger like me. The neutral stats - games, at-bats - remain the same, percentage-wise. The % stats get divided by 2/3. Conversely, the production stats - hits, RBI, etc. - are multiplied by 4, then divided by 2/3, and...

Sheesh. Let's cut to the chase. Here is my season in baseball terms, giving a truer picture of what I actually did.

G   AB  H   2B 3B HR RBI  AVG. BB K   OB%  SLG%  OPS  R
136 352 101 5 0 0 32 .287 61 42 .392 .301 .693 112

Some of the stats are slightly preposterous when you do this - the runs scored, for instance - but generally it gives a good idea of the season in terms that are more meaningful to those people familiar with baseball stats. The truest is the batting average. I had a decent season. However, a fellow who goes to the plate 413 times and only manages 5 extra-base hits? He's cooked.

Monday, with the parade of past jobs!

10 comments:

Stu said...

Odd Couple!

And is it weird that I had a thing for Myrna?

Suldog said...

Correct!

And I don't think it's weird at all. Honestly, I always had a thing for "Myrna" - that is, Penny Marshall. I adore funny women, especially physical comediennes.

Tara said...

How about:
There was a scene in an episode of The Odd Couple (TV) in which Oscar cooks a disgusting looking dish filled with a little bit of everything in the refrigerator which he called “Goop Melange

Suldog said...

And you, Lovely Tara, also correct! Now, who can tell me exactly what went into "Goop Melange"?

The Omnipotent Q said...

Damn! They beat me to it. One of my favorite episodes, when Felix and Gloria get remarried.

"Athletes train on it (Goop Melange). Man O'War..." says Oscar.

"Those are horses," Says Felix.

Absolutely one of the best comedies ever made.

The Omnipotent Q said...

It contained bananas, and I'm blanking out on the rest of the ingredients...

Tara said...

Just for you darlin'
GOOP MELANGE'
Catagory: Entree, Other
Servings: 4
Cooking Time: 1 hour

INGREDIENTS:
1 POLISH KEILBASA OR SAUSAGE
2 LBS. SAUERKRAUT (DRAINED)
6-8 RED POTATOES
12 oz. BEER (YOUR CHOICE)
1 packette GOYA SAZON' SEASONING

MURAENIDAE FILLET MAY BE USED INSTEAD OF SAUSAGE

DIRECTIONS:
SCRUB AND CUBE POTATOES AND PUT INTO DEEP SKILLET.
CUT SAUSAGE LENGTHWISE TWICE AND SLICE INTO 1/2" PIECES. ADD TO POTATOES.
DRAIN SAUERKRAUT AND SPREAD ACROSS TOP OF POTATOES AND SAUSAGE.
ADD BEER AND SPRINKLE SAZON' OVER TOP.
BRING TO A SLOW SIMMER AND COOK COVERED FOR 1 HOUR.

Suldog said...

Holy God! There's an actual recipe? I seem to remember the one on TV as having had crumbled up potato chips as a garnish, as well as pickles in it, but perhaps that's just wishful thinking.

Mushy said...

Dang...I knew it too...but too old and slow.

Good post.

Barbara said...

You got me swinging, I had no idea. I was wondering when you were going to post your survey results though.