Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The Worst Halloween EVER !!!


I'm disgusted.

I told you yesterday I bought all kinds of candy to give to the kids, right? And we put up some decorations, so the kids would know there was candy to be had, right? Well, I'm here to tell you that was the worst Halloween ever. We didn't get a single kid last night!

MY WIFE and I dressed up and everything. I was The Wolfman and she was Frankenstein. She only stands about five-one, so she was the cutest little Frankenstein you ever saw! Then we stood outside of our front door waiting for the kids to show up in their costumes. We even had an endless tape loop of "Monster Mash", by Bobby "Boris" Pickett, and set up our stereo speakers to blast it out the window. And then...

NOTHING! We couldn't believe it! I mean, in other years we at least got 10 or 15 children, but not a single solitary kid came to the door last night. As a matter of fact, I didn't even see ONE child on the entire street for the entire night. Amazing. Has Halloween died so thoroughly?

You know, I expected that some of our neighbors might be disappointed, too, but they didn't seem to be. A few of them opened their doors to look outside - I guess they wanted to see if there were any kids coming - but, when their eyes met ours, they went back inside, shaking their heads. I guess they were just embarrassed to not have costumes as good as ours.

One Halloweenie (I guess that's a good name for someone who's the equivalent of a "Scrooge" at Christmas) yelled out, "Shut off that f#*$!%@ music, you morons!" not getting into the spirit of things at all. With people like that in the neighborhood, maybe the kids were just completely scared to come down our street.

Well, we weren't going to let one bad apple ruin Halloween for the whole neighborhood. We'd show him! We decided to really pick up the pace. I went inside and turned up the Monster Mash really loud. MY WIFE put her arms straight out in front of her like Frankenstein's monster does and she stiffly walked up and down the sidewalk going, "Aaargh! Fire BAD! Aaargh!" Then I came back outside, squatted down on my haunches and howled like the dickens at the moon. Aaaroooooooooooo! Aaaroooooooooooo!

Finally, around 9pm, when we realized that there wouldn't even be one trick-or-treater this year, we went inside, shut off the music, and got out of our costumes. I'm glad I bought candy I really liked because we ended up eating all of it ourselves.

Did any of you have as miserable a Halloween as we did? I sure hope not. What a major disappointment. Never have I had such a rotten October 30th in all... my...

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November...

Nevermind.

12 comments:

sween said...

I was all full up of sympathy for you... and then you did that.

Sympathy-wasting goof.

sween said...

And I still haven't forgiven you for that picture from yesterday...

Anonymous said...

I still can't see. Is there a new post?

Peter N said...

Sul, why were the trick and treaters expected last night, instead of tonight, the 31st? Just curious...I wish I was passing by your house when you both were outside, with the MM blaring in the background!

James Cooper said...

Hahaha, funny stuff. I'm all zombified again this fine Halloween morning but I'll be spending my day between work and class. Guess I'm too old to be trick-or-treating anyway.

Sigh :-p

Sassy said...

Nice...

Am I the only one who keeps forgetting today is Halloween? I guess it's just not as fun when you're at work...

Melinda said...

That.was.hilarious.

I'm still giggling as I write this - I spent half of your post trying to figure out whether this was a memory of a past Halloween or if you'd gone crazy.

thanks for the laugh & Happy October 31st :)

Rebecca said...

hahahaha..... great post - Happy Halloween!!

I'm just going to be "cool mom" going around the neighborhood w/ the kids. I'll probably post a pic tomorrow... ;)

friday18 said...

No way! Were you guys really outside with candy on the wrong night? Or are you just shitting us?

I posted my Halloween activity to my blog today, but I'm working on a Halloween rant that I'm going to send you for the holiday blog.

I hope you guys have a better night, tonight.

Ericka said...

oh. my. gawd. you didn't, really?? that is hilarious. i'm so glad that i'm not the only one that does stuff like that. :-)

kailani said...

ROFL!!! I didn't expect that ending! I sure hope your Halloween wasn't all that bad! You can send some of that candy my way!

Anonymous said...

this happen to me. no trick or treaters in Phoenix area at all. my son didn't go trick or treating at all. Later he was crying. HALLOWEEN here in Phoenix sucks.