Tuesday, February 04, 2014

You Are Reading SULDOG



Caution: The following blog contains graphic language and may not be suitable for all members of the family. Reader discretion is advised.


I am sick to death of the way television is being fucked up these days.

You are reading SULDOG

(Not dumbed down for the mentally impaired.)

It's not that the shows being produced and shown are all bad. Sure, some of them are hideous, but there have always been bad shows and there always will be bad shows. This generation's Wife Swap was the previous generation's Queen For A Day and the next generation's How Many Things Are You Willing To Shove Up Your Rectum To Win A Refrigerator? No, bad shows are always bad, but they are avoidable. All you have to do is change the channel or shut off the TV.

You are reading SULDOG

(Possibly available en Espanol where disponible, but I doubt it.)

Also, the good shows being made today are better than ever. A great show like Sherlock could not have been made 20 years ago. House would have been unthinkable to the past generation of programmers. And Curb Your Enthusiasm? Get real.

You are reading SULDOG

So, the problem is not with the programming. I suppose I should end the suspense and just tell you what the problem is.

BE SURE TO READ MY BLOG NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE TALKING ABOUT MY MOST RECENT OP-ED! DON'T FORGET! OP-ED! NEXT WEEK!

You are reading SULDOG

The problem is that there is always something appearing on the screen that isn't part of the program you're watching.

You are reading SULDOG

A SPECIAL ENCORE PRESENTATION OF "All Gone" IS AVAILABLE HERE!

Television today does not allow even a single moment's total suspension of disbelief. If it isn't the omnipresent network logo in the lower right corner of your screen, it is the inevitable pop-up advertisement for some other show annoyingly appearing in the lower left corner or the rating thingy that blocks out everything on the upper left or the Closed Captioned symbol on the upper right.

You are reading SULDOG

You're sitting there enjoying a good show. You're immersed in the drama of the moment. The producers of the show have done a wonderful job of creating a gripping production, transporting your mind to another world and you are wondering how the protagonist will ever resolve his dilemma.

ZOOOOOOOOM! SCREEEEEEECH! NASCAR RETURNS ON FOX IN APRIL! VROOOOOOOM!

And then the little racing car burns rubber and disappears. And so does any hope of recapturing the emotion you were feeling before its appearance.

You are reading SULDOG

And do I really need to be continually reminded of which network or channel I'm watching? Am I so dumb that I will forget...

You are reading SULDOG

...if I'm not shown the logo at all times?

You are reading SULDOG

Well, either you hate it as much as I do or you're utterly indifferent about it. I can't imagine that anybody with an IQ above 60 actually finds it useful, entertaining, or otherwise enjoyable in any way.

If you're like me - that is, ready to blast your TV with a shotgun the next time you see one of these pieces of crap appear on your screen - then perhaps you'd be willing to sit down and write a letter of complaint. Here is a helpful template.

Dear Network:

I tremendously enjoy your show Funny Hip Gay Guy And Three Bitchily Sarcastic Women Who Can't Get A Date. However, I'm afraid I simply can't endure your pop-up advertisements. They ruin the show for me and I am infuriated every time one appears.

Do you not understand that the main idea in entertainment of this sort is for the viewer to be able to suspend his or her disbelief? There is not one fan of the show, in the entire country, who wants to have the show interrupted by anything - let alone some hideous bit of animation in the lower left corner of the screen advertising a show that will be appearing on your network tomorrow or next week. What could possibly have led you to believe that anyone finds this to be a good thing?

I am going to stop watching Funny Hip Gay Guy And Three Bitchily Sarcastic Women Who Can't Get A Date, which in turn means that I will not be seeing the actual paid advertising for which The Gigantical Multinational Corporation That Pays Your Bills has ponied up millions of dollars. If and when you stop putting infuriating crap on my screen in the middle of this show, I will gladly start watching again. Let me know if you plan to do this. Otherwise, blow me.

I have sent a copy of this letter to The Gigantical Multinational Corporation That Pays Your Bills.

Yours Most Sincerely,

Someone Who Is Probably Outside Of Your Demographic Range Anyway



(The preceding was a presentation of SULDOG, the official blog of decrepit old farts who think the modern world bites the big one.)




31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I hate that stuff, too.

Barbara said...

Damn this post was annoying with every other word being Suldog-O-Rama. I know I'm reading Suldog-o-rama, you don't have to remind me every second. I'm going tp stop reading this blog if this continues.

Suldog said...

OK, Wise Guy.

Oh, wait a minute. You got my point!

(Thank you!)

Lil said...

And here I thought I was reading Boring Mommy Blog with Cute Stories about my Kids.

Damn, wrong channel.

Pat - Arkansas said...

Amen, Brother Jim! Amen!

barbicakes said...

WEll, If I had cable I'd know what you are talking about, although with the internet in general I see those pop up things and they are annoying as all get out.
I have an involuntary reaction to want to throttle someone.
Don't ever change you crazy Suldog, you say what most of us think.
I suppose I better get to posting, I am the last log on the fire at the end of the heap…I don't want to remain there. :)

Char said...

DITTO! Grrrrrrr.

The Broad said...

Well spotted, Sully, well spotted!

Michelle H. said...

You hate it because you come from a generation of TV viewers who remembers those long ago days when channels wouldn't put such advertising up at the bottom of the screen.

The younger generation is going to be indifferent to this because their kids' channels always have animated gifs and logos. This is their norm and that is the generation the channels are trying to appeal toward.

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip, said...

Gee, Sully, thanks for inserting a Spanish lesson.
Before I looked it up, I would have thought disbonible might have meant someone forgot their Viagra.


You're blaming the wrong folks...
It's the TV manufacturers fault.
They're the ones who convinced viewers they have to have bigger screens (so they can say "mine's bigger than yours").
After everyone got bigger ...or almost everyone, the network folks saw a lot of empty space they thought needed to be filled.

So, blame the manufacturers, then the viewers, before you lay it on the networks.

joeh said...

I never really noticed the crap on the bottom of the screen and I tune out the pop-ups...until now!

Thanks a lot for pointing it out so now I will be as annoyed with it as you are.

And watch you fucking language or I will stop reading your posts.


Prick!

Jackie said...

You had me at "House."
I am very irritated with the pop-up advertising and the channel logo invading my screen.
Well said, Jim. I hope you submit this to the Herald. Good piece.

Buck said...

Me? I miss the Indian Head test pattern, which I could literally watch for HOURS waiting for The Big Picture to come on.

But I largely agree with the opinion of ...the official blog of decrepit old farts who think the modern world bites the big one. Because I are one, too.

messymimi said...

It helps that i gave up TV almost 14 years ago -- i have less to get mad about.

Daryl said...

so fucking true

and i resent shows that a written to appeal to the lowest common denominator .. one show i watched had some guy made smarter due to a computer implant how smart was he when he rescued the kidnapped genius who created the implant as well as a second implant which he knew had been implanted in the enemy and he doesnt get rid of the second implanted person OR the computer geek who turned traitor .. oh wait its so they can have more stupid plot lines .. no thank you

lotta joy said...

I thought I was the only one who noticed little people popping up on the lower right corner of the screen, and sometimes they pop up at the very worst of times and nearly join in the program I'm watching. Then they run off with a big white line behind them depicting speed.

But given what crap is usually on television, we're beginning to look forward to the gecko.

Absolut Ruiness said...

I especially hate it when I'm watching a B/W classic movie and I see these strange animated bats flying midway across the scene followed by psychedelic colored mist to advertise the upcoming new horror show! You have touched a chord with this post Jim.

Barbara Shallue said...

Just one of the many reasons I spend very little time watching television, despite the fact there are still some good shows on. Another major annoying thing is how, just when you get hooked on a program and arrange your schedule so you can watch it (I don't DVR), they change the night or the time. I totally lose interest at that point. Ugh.

Craig said...

Oh, Jim, Jim. . .

You hung on a lot longer (like, years longer) than I could (and shows like Hip Gay Guy and Three Bitchily Sarcastic Women Who Can't Get a Date are a large part of why I left). The only thing I watch on TV these days is sports (and even at that, most of the games I really want to watch are on cable, anyway). Well, that and erectile dysfunction ads (and who the hell has tandem bathtubs in their backyard, anyway?), which foster some really interesting conversations with nine-year-old daughters. . .

lime said...

you are reading LIME

i totally agree.

zoom, zip, zoom

it's annoying as hell to have all sorts of superfluous crap on the screen.

you are reading LIME

i am waiting for the day they put on a program where all the actors have to duck the various logos and crawls.

tune in next week when LIME strains her brain for another blog post

but i definitely don't want to see all the things you can shove up your rectum to win a fridge.

you were reading LIME.....zoom!

Suldog said...

Craig - If it wasn't for MY WIFE, I would probably watch nothing but sports and reruns of old sitcoms and The Three Stooges. She watches most of the TV shows I'm complaining about (yet I still love her.)

Lime - The Simpsons, bless Matt Groening, actually once did a small bit wherein Marge swatted at something that showed up on the television screen within a scene in the cartoon; that is, it was a regular scene of some sort and the animators had a bogus promo show up and had Marge notice it. I almost ran over and kissed the TV.

Hilary said...

It took about three SULDOGs but I finally caught where you were going. Those network logos used to be a small, obvious but far less intrusive square at the bottom right of the screen - and they were semi-transparent so that you could still see what was going on behind them. Then they grew, became animated and are practically a mini television show in themselves. Advertising has indeed become an insidious part of every avenue of entertainment. And yes.. most annoying.

WordsPoeticallyWorth said...

An ammusing post!

Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

OldAFSarge said...

Bwahahahahahahahahaha...

Nailed it, ya nailed it. The number of TV shows I still watch has dwindled to 3. Primarily because of all the annoying crap you mention. Commercials are even more out of hand! And I'm glad you have offered your blog as a place where all we voluntarily-disconnected-from-the-modern-world-old-farts can hang out.

Oh, did I mention...

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahah....






Check out what's new at OldAFSarge!

Jenny Woolf said...

What a relief that we dont have pop up ads - yet. Or the station logo in the corner of the screen. Sometimes it is not really worth concentrating on the programme even so.

Jenny Woolf said...

...oh what was I reading again?

Sandi McBride said...

I have laughed till I'm sick. First it was that silent little hold it all in so you don't interrupt Country Family Reunion then you got to the part about the gun and I completely lost it, laying my head on the computer to let the tears spill down onto the keyboard to short out the damn d e again...because just three nights ago while I was watching Monk r runs those little xtra ads popp d up on the screen. So I'm sitting there with the 12 gauge across my lap and the gun oil at my feet and Mac comes in and says "whatcha doing baby?" and I say "cleaning and loading the shotgun" and he takes it from me and says" time for bed, there is absolutely nothing funny about a woman with a gun". That was of course his mantra back in the day when they paid me to carry a gun. My letter to the networks is in the you'll excuse the xpression, works...and hopefully my e will work coher ntly
Sandi

silly rabbit said...

Exactly!

CiCi said...

Thank God I stopped watching TV over ten years ago! My life is mine. My time is mine. Amazing how much more I can accomplish and enjoy my time now. That is the only thing I have to say at this time.

It's.a.crazy.world said...

Oh, you clever man.
Yes, I laughed,but I also cried because it's all so true.
I wish I could say I never watch TV, but I do love Game of Thrones, and Downton Abbey along with a few others.
Those pop up ads are truly irritating. We noticed them most often during the holidays, and I will gleefully use your template, which is brilliant, of course!

Janet said...

We watch very little TV. What we have at our house is Amazon Instant video. You can't get a lot of shows, especially more recent ones, but we did watch all three seasons of Gilligan's Island with the kids. In about a week. No commercials, no popups, nothing. We are also watching Chopped, which I hated at first but now I love it. So we only see the pop up crap when we're at relatives' houses or a hotel. And it's usually Nick Jr. so I'm not watching it anyway.