Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Yes, I Ate It



OK, we'll get to the good stuff soon enough, but first here's some GREAT stuff. If you've been as annoyed with Blogger's new interface as I have (on Friday, I said, and I quote, "SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS.") you need suffer no longer. Innominatus, by way of Ivan Toblog, has provided useful advice. Go to the dashboard, click the little gear logo in the upper right corner, and "Old Interface" is one of the choices.

You're welcome. Now, on to more important matters.

On Friday, I promised (or threatened) to show you some video of me eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut topped with a sardine, some tuna, an anchovy, hot sauce, and a hunk of salami. Before you get to see such nauseous footage, though, you need to know why I did it (aside from the fact that I'm a gluttonous idiot.)

Every year, in Somerville, Massachusetts, there is a Fluff Festival. That sounds like a carnival for behind-the-scenes porno workers, but it isn't. It's actually a celebration of the gooey delight known as Marshmallow Fluff, a treat invented in New England.




I attended the Fluff Festival (also more correctly known as What The Fluff?) a couple of years back. I did so because I've been a fan of Fluff since my childhood. Not only did I enjoy it in the ubiquitous Northeast schoolboy sandwich known as a Fluffernutter, but I also used to eat spoonfuls of the stuff right from the jar (on those mornings when my parents were sleeping in and I felt that I could take a big scoop of it without such theft being detected.)

Anyway, I'm at this gathering and there are many Fluff-centric booths and displays. Some were serving up various treats made with Fluff. One of these featured a concoction that made everyone, without exception, say "Yuck!" when they first found out what it was, but which made almost everyone who actually tried it go "Yum!"

It was Fluff, canned tuna, and hot sauce, served on a saltine.

Yeah, I know. Yuck! But I tried it. Yum! It was really, truly delicious. Unless you're willing to try it yourself, you'll just have to take my word for it. It worked. It really did. It was as delightful in reality as it was disgusting in conception.

(If you have the ingredients handy, you should eat some now. I'm not kidding. The combination of sweet, hot, salty, and fishy, is miraculously better than it sounds.)

Having had that revelation to draw upon for inspiration, I decided to... well, first I need to give you some more background.

Here at my place of employment, we periodically have sardine fests. That is, those of us who like sardines bring in three or four tins each, throw them into a communal pile of oily goodness, and feast on them during our lunch hour. As you might imagine, this is not enjoyed by everybody in the office. It takes a particular love for stinky little fish to truly get into the spirit of it.




This past Friday, we scheduled "Sardine Fest 2012". Aside from some sardines, there was canned tuna, canned anchovies, canned smoked trout, a vicious salami, cheese that was strikingly mild and unstinky by comparison, saltines, hot sauce, and one-and-a-half leftover Krispy Kreme doughnuts from a dozen that had been in the kitchen the day before. Recalling my experience at the Fluff Festival, I decided to see if adorning one of the doughnuts with some fish would result in a treat.


[Me, giving a bad name to the Celtics. Hutch is in the background, rather seriously preparing some sardines on toast with Heinz salad creme. This is the very definition of 'to each his own'.]

I have to say it was decent enough to pass muster. And I will now rationalize my consumption of it. You think it was only vile and disgusting, but you're wrong. You see, what I did was make eating a doughnut healthier! I imbued it with all sorts of wonderful omega-3 fish oils, very heart-healthy, and rather than just swallow empty sugar and fat calories, I filled my donut experience with loads of B vitamins, calcium, and protein!

Or I'm just one step removed from a sideshow geek and I was doing MY WIFE a favor by making it much easier to collect on my life insurance. In any case, it tasted good. And I wasn't alone in experimentation. I convinced my buddy, Dan, to try the leftover half a doughnut with tuna and some of the cheese.



We are both still alive, so far as I can tell, and it's probably 50-50 that we'll eat something weird again someday. Stay tuned.

And now, considering the comments some of you made on the previous post, you should either leave immediately or get a barf bag handy. Here's the video.


video


OK, truth be told, a glazed doughnut is better without fish, and fish is better without a glazed doughnut (but neither is as good as a saltine with tuna, hot sauce, and Fluff) and I'll take any of the above over having to watch Toddlers & Tiaras.

Soon, with more better stuff (although I've set the bar mighty high here, you have to admit.)



47 comments:

Hilary said...

Actually, as strange as it sounds, the yum factor of the Fluff concoction doesn't surprise me. I'd try it. The doughnut, not so much but it sure was fun to see you taste it. :)

On the disappointment side, I hate to tell you that your return to the old Blogger interface won't last too long. They'll be doing away with it completely within a few weeks - or so they say.

And I was disappointed that you didn't end with "Soon, with more better fluff." ;)

Suldog said...

Hilary - I had thought of that ending, but I couldn't actually promise Fluff would be upcoming, so I skipped it :-)

Lowandslow said...

I don't doubt it was good. I say that because I've eaten stuff that sounded equally barfy but wasn't. I guess that's where the old saying, "Don't knock it until you try it" came from.

S

Craig said...

You know, if you REALLY want to make that donut healthier, put all the fishy goodness, etc, on it, and then forget the donut. . .

;)

I have heard of Fluffernutters, even before I saw them here. Jen has occasionally come across some holiday-goody recipe or another that includes Fluff, so a few jars of the stuff must've managed to swim upstream to the Great Lakes. . .

I know I mention this with some regularity in comments here and there; I don't know if I've mentioned it here tho, so. . . You remind me of an old Andy Griffith episode, where Andy and Goober are in the diner at Mount Pilot, and Goober orders a peanut-butter-and-tuna-fish sandwich. When the waitress brings it to him (with the appropriate visage of disgust), he lifts the lid and says, "You didn't put any ketchup on it!"

Suldog said...

Craig - Which reminds me of the old Three Stooges episode wherein Moe slathers honey and ketchup on a slice of bread and delightedly starts devouring it. He remarks, "If there's anything I like better than honey and ketchup, it's baloney and whipped cream, but we haven't got any..."

Quirkyloon said...

I dunno.

You ate it and you LIKED it?

I dunno.

You had so much cred...

Before.

HA!

CiCi said...

Barf Bag ready.
Watch video.
Fill Barf Bag.
I only saw you take one bite in the video. Did you eat the entire works?

Jeni said...

Believe it or not, I am now a fan of the new Blogger interface! Why? Because last week when I was having mega problems with my reader and doing a whole lot of cursing and bitching, on a lark when I happened to open my blog and the dashboard and saw the message to try the new interface, I got brave and did just that. And guess what? It cured my reader problems, including one I'd been having with it for almost a year now! I may end up eating those words of praise there in the future, but at this moment, I like it! And I like it a lot more than I think I would ever like a crispy creme donut with sardine on it! But, to each his own and maybe I'll have one of my own weird sandwiches some day this week -peanut butter and onion on toast! Better than it sounds too. Just as soon as my intestines decide to settle back down again, that is! Peace.

Stephen Hayes said...

I've never tried Fluff. You'd have thought I'd have tasted this stuff before now but I haven't. I'm not a big fan of marshmallow, but I bet it's good with a lot of things, just not sardines or tuna.

Lora said...

Epic. Truly. ;)

Uncle Skip, said...

I'll vouch for the yummy goodness of sardines, tuna, anchovies, hot sauce, and salami. I've only heard of Krispy Kremes. There was a location about 70 miles from here, but they went under.

I have also heard of Fluff, but can't remember the context.

Have you been tempted to try a Krispy Kreme with Fluff on it?

Suldog said...

CiCi - Yes, I ate it all. It really was good. I mean it. Of course, it helps to like all of the smelly oily fishy ingredients :-)

Suldog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suldog said...

Stephen - Fluff is good with ANYTHING. You rub an old gym sock full of rat droppings in a tub full of Fluff, and I'd... well, I'd call you an idiot and ask you to leave the premises. Almost anything.

Suldog said...

Uncle Skip - You mad genius! A Krispy Kreme with Fluff on it? That must be what they serve in Heaven!

Shrinky said...

Okay, I got distracted by your accent and deep voice.. sigh. I does love me an American accent, yup, does it for me every time.

Sorry, what was this post about again? Oh. Yeah. Damn, just when I thought I might begin to fancy you just a teensy-weensie little bit, you have to go on and confirm it no, not in a million, trillion Krisy Kreme years.

Do you kiss YOUR WIFE with that smelly mouth?? Woman's a saint.

Suldog said...

Shrinky - Aw, I brush my teeth and use mouthwash! And, according to one of your latest, you go around eating pig's trotters and sheep hearts, so don't get all high and mighty with me, you lovely thing.

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

Fluffernutter! Oh man I haven't had one of those since I was probably 10 years old. Pretty unlikely I can get fluff in Phoenix though, guess I'll have to wait for the next trip back to Boston :-)

As I have come to trust your voracious spirit in these many years I've been reading you, I'm opting to take your word(s) for it over watching the video. Congrats on getting & keeping that down though...

Buck said...

The thing that got me was the fact the Krispy Kreme was over a day old. It HAD to be... umm... KRUSTY, right?

KK's never lasted more than an hour at MY place o' bid'niz.

Michelle H. said...

Uh... yeah. Okay.

The Overlord liked the video. Sat right down in my lap and smiled. Of course, she does that with every video.

Um... it's always surprising to hear your deep voice. You look at a person and imagine them sounding different. Then you hear them and are like, "Where on television have I heard that voice before? Some movie trailer or something?"

Um, uh, hot sauce kills taste buds. I mean, it makes everything taste better. Okay, I'll concede this. The Krispy Kreme is dough, the same as bread. So technically, you had a sweet bread, open-face fish sandwich with hot sauce, cheese and salami. When thinking about it that way, I can imagine it tasting good.

Unless, of course, you actually ate sweetbread. If you do, top it with a lot of hot sauce.

Suldog said...

Michelle - Hey, your rationalization is even better than mine! Thanks!

Maggie May said...

I can't think how you can eat that...... but I liked the video.
I like sweet to be sweet and savoury to be savoury!

I agree that Blogger is making things difficult. Took me ages to fathom out the new posting settings that affected my blog today.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

The Broad said...

When I was a kid living in Vermont we had a friend who lived in the country and whenever we went to her house lunch was marshmallow fluff and peanut butter sandwiches. As a kid I liked it for the first half of the sandwich and then it was so sickly sweet to me I actually felt rather, yeah, sick. Do you remember you could have either white or pink fluff?

So I can imagine a combination of sweet and savory would be good -- after all I love roast pork or roast lamb with an apricot or honey glaze -- and cranberry sauce with turkey so why not marshmallow and tuna fish? Oh I haven't mentioned how delicious salmon is with a honey mustard glaze. And then there is fois gras on brioche with a bit of sweet chutney on the side -- yum! I have mostly a problem with the sardines and other stuff that you have combined together.

As for your voice -- it sounds exactly like I imagined it would -- like a real man ;-)

messymimi said...

And i thought my dad teaching me to use ice cream as potato chip dip was weird.

Jackie said...

Loved the video. Your voice is incredible.
I don't like anchovies, tuna or sardines, so I'm thinking that if you and Your Wife and My Husband and I ever eat out together, I'd be the "stick in the mud" of the group.

Kat said...

Okay. I love the video. Too funny. You are almost apologetic that it tastes good. hehe

I think I'd eat Fluff with just about anything. I love that stuff.

And I'd eat just about anything over having to watch Toddlers and Tiaras. I tried to force myself to watch that show once (to see what all the fuss was about) and only made it 5 minutes before I was so angry I had to turn the channel. UGH.

Babs said...

You are a rebel.
I get the day old KK with the crustiness...they don't bother me....as for Fluff, I love it to the 99th degree, if I could inject it and live I would...
I don't get the fish all together..or really I suppose I should say I would never do that...hey, Elvis thought he was a rebel with his fried peanut butter bacon whatever sandwiches...and we all live on the edge every now and then. I don't suppose Whole Foods is gonna call you to demo the wholesome side..the one you tried to convince us of...with your B vit. and Omega 3s...nice try... lol...
I am smiling and right now and wondering if you'd go for a second...lol

lime said...

i love me some fluff. for the life of me i cannot imagine tuna, hot sauce and fluff tasting good on a saltine. it sounds like some bizarre recipe conceived of by a pregnant woman who smoked outrageous amounts of weed.

i once knew a guy who swore tuna fish mixed with maraschino cherry juice was divine.

as for fluff, i have been known to forgo bread entirely and just stir up a bowl of fluff and peanut butter to a silly putty-like consistency and eat it by the spoonful.

Mariann Simms said...

I'd try it. If anything to hide the taste of a nasty Krispy Kreme donut. Hey, I'm a Dunkin' Donuts gal, what can I say?

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

I'd be expecting a call from the Krispy Kreme people, chastising you for defiling their product. Oh ye of the cast iron stomach, we salute thee.

SueAnn Lommler said...

I asked myself some serious questions here...why am I reading this...why am I watching this...why is he telling me this???
And the answer is...
Who the hell cares...it was a fun visit.!!

Ha
Hugs
SueAnn

Jenny Woolf said...

Ah well, now I have put the barf bag away, can I suggest you try a donut covered with used coffee grounds? Surprisingly crunchy and delicious. At least, I THINK you'll be surprised! (And to be honest I'm not entirely sure about the "delicious" bit)

Suldog said...

Broad - Thank you for the compliment concerning my voice.

That pink Fluff didn't come around to our neighborhood. We considered it an affectation :-)

(Actually, I think it was some sort of raspberry flavoring, wasn't it? I truly don't know. I've never tried it!)

Suldog said...

Jackie - No, you and MY WIFE could go off someplace and have watercress sandwiches. She hates smelly oily fish, too.

Suldog said...

Babs - Your attitude towards the fish seems to be the prevailing one among the females here (with an exception or two, of course.) I think love of sardines and anchovies and other stinky fish is more of a guy thing. I'm not quite sure why, but it seems so.

Craig said...

And, um, yeah. . . nice radio voice. . .

;)

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

I think the problem most women have with anchovies and sardines is they are both bait. There are other details about them which shall remain unsaid (because only a "nice radio voice" can get away with it).

Oh, yes! ...and Triscuits make anything taste better.

Sarah said...

You know...I miss all y'all at Marketing Messages and such..but THIS made me really glad that I've moved on. YUCK! (PS - Miss you!)

Anonymous said...

This is rather tame, I know, but my favorite is peanut butter, fluff, banana and bacon. Didn't I ever make any of those for you? Guess I was saving them all for myself. (You know who I am but the whatchmacallit does not)

Daryl Edelstein said...

ok .. dont get too comfy with the old interface it will be completely gone soon and since I've been using Blogger in Draft for the last humpteen months I can and will gladly help you ease into the new Blogger interface .. you're welcome

The Uncle's sister from Canada (there are a lot of family jokes I will spare you) would make a spread with sardines, cream cheese, a dash of tabasco and a sprinkle of paprika for color ... spread on a bagel or any other bread (even a doughnut) is dee-vine .. you're welcome again

notactuallygod said...

Now I'm wondering if you are Mikey, from the old Life cereal commercials, all grown up. But I can't recall; was it "He'll eat anything." or "He doesn't like anything."? I'm 80% sure it's the first, solely based on remembering the following joke:

What's the best present you can give an old lady?
Ans: Mikey, he'll eat anything.

Barbara said...

I was saying "Gross!" about the donut, but Toddlers and Tiaras... YUCK! Thanks for putting your tastebud adventure in perspective. There are worse things. Much worse things.

Chris@Knucklehead said...

@Notactuallygod: The commercial went:

Kid: Hey, let's get Mikey!
Other kid: He won't eat it, he hates everything.

But that joke is hilarious.

Anonymous said...

iwas not going to post anything on this subject but then realized i would be the 44th comment so i had to Blah and u guys shat on me for eating a buffalo chicken calzone on a sunday morning and where is there a KK dount shop glad i did not threw ina extra K

Suldog said...

44 - Yeah, but you were eating it before a game. If I ate that sardine-infested doughnut before a game, you'd have every right to call me out. As for the KK doughnut shop, it was at Mohegan Sun.

The idea of a KKK doughnut shop is frightening - servers in white hoods, chefs cooking the doughnuts by burning them on crosses, the only filling allowed is white cream filling, and if you ask for a chocolate doughnut you're banned.

Karen said...

Fluffernutters were a regular items in my lunchbox in grade school. I have a jar in the pantry - saw it and bought it a few months ago. It hasn't been opened yet, but the next time I open a can of tuna, yes, I'm going to give it a try.

Matt Conlon said...

I love peanut butter and fluff sandwiches, especially with a tall glass of cold milk.

I've seen people eat things on donuts before, most memorable was the bacon cheese burger served between two krispy kreame donuts... Not sure I'd try... ah, yeah, I'd try it. Who am I kidding.