Friday, October 28, 2011

MY WIFE Enters The 21st Century



MY WIFE now has an e-mail account.

(I would give the address here, so that she could enjoy the many pleasures of being spammed unmercifully with Viagra ads and promises of great wealth from Nigerian attorneys, but it is a combination of things that add up to her actual real name and, since I solemnly promised never to reveal her true identity on this blog, she'll have to wait an extra week or so before any Middle Eastern potentates on their deathbeds write to tell her of her good fortune.)

She can only access her e-mail at the local public library. This is because we have no internet connection at home. That is entirely my fault, of course. I think we've both come to the conclusion that we'd finally like to have some home connection with the outside electronic world, but I'm the sort who is reluctant to ask other people for advice even when I know diddly-squat about whatever it is I should be asking advice about and know that relying upon the kindness of strangers would be better than self-education. Therefore, we are unlikely to have an internet connection for at least the next three or four months while I learn just enough to get me into serious trouble at the computer store.

Meanwhile, I thought you might get some entertainment from our first ever exchange of e-mails!

Her, to Me:

In a message dated 10/25/2011 11:48:13 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, MYWIFE@suchandsuch.com writes:

Time to waste in between doctors appointments - 2 hours

Time it takes to figure out how to get into suchandsuch.com - 15 minutes

Time the library lets you use the computer - 30 minutes

Time I feel like throwing up - 56 years/6 months/7 days... no, scratch that, I was happy til I was five.

Farting - Priceless!



Me, to Her

From: Suldog@aol.com
Date: Tue, 25 Oct 2011 11:49:56 -0400
Subject: Re: Welcome to the 21st Century!
To: MYWIFE@suchandsuch.com

If you were as inventive and cute as me, that would have been a blog post.

XXXOOO



Her, to Me

To: Suldog@aol.com
From: MYWIFE@suchandsuch.com

Feel free to use it in yours. I'm now going to take a Xanax and rest before the dentist. If I had to choose betwixt this and the dentist, I'll take the dentist. Using a computer at the library is like using the bathroom in somebody else's house.

XXXOOOXXX



I would have written back...

Did you have any particular house in mind?

... at which point she would have replied with something witty (because she is) but she's at the dentist by now and probably won't read any more e-mail for another two weeks (at which time I trust she won't think the penis enlargement spams are worth saving for me, but if she does I'll be thinking twice about actually getting that internet connection at home.)

Soon, with more better stuff.



37 comments:

haphazardlife said...

Welcome to the 21st century Suldog's WIFE!!

Mich said...

YOUR WIFE sounds like a riot! Although I suppose she'd have to be, as she's married to you. :D

xo

TechnoBabe said...

She is the first person I know besides my mom who did not use a computer. So good for her to step up to the plate (get it, baseball term just for you, Suldog) and use a computer. I am way way older than she is and I have been using computers for about 25 years. If I had to write notes to each person I have emailed over the years, I would rather be a hermit. Ha.

Uncle Skip, said...

If I had to go to the library to get online I'd still be wondering what the Internet is.

Daryl said...

Ok .. get thee to an Apple store and buy a MacBookPro ... its a laptop and you can take it anywhere .. then buy an AirPortExpress its the modem that willl connect your new laptop WIRELESSLY to the internets AND I am happy to come up there and set it up for you .. xo

Quirkyloon said...

"but I'm the sort who is reluctant to ask other people for advice even when I know diddly-squat about whatever it is I should be asking advice about and know that relying upon the kindness of strangers would be better than self-education."

I beg to differ Sir Dog! Google is a GOD. All knowing about EVERYTHING. (forgive the redundancy) But I will DEFEND Google!

I'm thankful for Google. *smile*

Glad to hear your wife at least TRIED the electronic life. Kudos to both of you for having the discipline to live without it in your home. However.... GOOGLE ROCKS! hee hee

messymimi said...

Tell her to make good use of the spam filters, and that Nigerian money is mine! thankyouverymuch. :)

Craig said...

Well, given the homeless guy who was surfing for porn on that library computer just before her, it's probably even more like using somebody else's bathroom than she realizes. . .

;)

My wife (not capitalized, to keep her distinct from YOUR WIFE) has been slowly working her way into Computer-World for the last couple years. She's getting better, but she has trouble, sometimes, remembering that the password to log on to the computer is different from the one for internet acces, which is different from the one for her email account, etc, etc. . .

The Broad said...

Hey I know what it's like to have to go to the library -- our local village in France -- it's open two hours on Wednesday afternoon and two hours Saturday morning! But the Librarian graciously informed me that if I needed more internet time, the connection was always on even when the library was closed -- and I was welcome to sit on the bench outside the door, with my trusty laptop, and while away the hours!

Mrs. Suldog: welcome to the Internet -- can't wait for you to have a blog!

Clare Dunn said...

Welcome to Suldog's WIFE!!!

OK, you GOTTA get her some 24/7 Internet so she can blog, too. Pronto!

xoxoxo, cd

Hilary said...

Two PEAS in a pod, you are. Welcome to YOUR WIFE. I hope she'll have a blog of her own, one day.

lime said...

having met your wonderful wife in person i can totally hear her saying all this. have i mentioned how perfect the two of you are for each other? it always seemed so in the blog but meeting you guys face to face it was as evident as all those lemons in my water. this post just makes me grin like a fool.

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

This woman has got to get on line. I'm technologically challenged and my husband has worked for EDS/HP for years. I am constantly asking for his help. He got my mother and his father on line at 70ish. I'm sure she would enjoy it.

Buck said...

Being connected is GOOD. Whatever you do... do NOT get dial-up access, get some flavor of broadband. There's a lot to choose from, especially in big-ass cities like Bawston.

3GirlKnight said...

Just tell her to be careful. There are some weird bloggers out there.

Bruce Coltin said...

Next: A Twitter account.

Michelle H. said...

Keep her away from Facebook as long as you can. That's what a good husband would do.

Teacher's Pet said...

Not only am I loving the fact that she is 'puting....but I LOVE her wit. Yes!! She has to continue. This is for her.......

Dear MY WIFE (that doesn't sound right)...OK. Dear YOUR WIFE (doesn't sound any better)...but since your name is private is DW OK?
Dear DW,
You must continue. I love your sense of humor and it would be a travesty to hide it from those of us who love to smile during our day. There are laptops now that are out of this world. No "towers" to clutter up the top of the desk...smaller, simpler...and so much fun to use. What would I do without Search Engines (Google, Bing, etc.) to answer my everyday questions....?? I can't begin to imagine.) I don't even use a phone book any more. I just Google...
Please...pretty puhleeze...continue to 'pute'... You are a natural!!!!
Hugs and love,
Jackie

Jeni said...

Most definitely the time has come when you HAVE to get internet connectivity at home -so both of you can e-mail, read blogs, write posts, play on Facebook even and do so many, many other things as well! I agree completely with whoever said NOT to get a dial-up service and in your area, I'm sure you have a lot more choices available to you for high-speed connections! (I have that where I live -out in the boondocks -through my TV cable company as there still aren't all that many internet services available here that offer high-speed stuff. I would be totally lost without my internet connection and my e-mail! I get writer's cramp about ten words into something I have to write by hand and my penmanship becomes illegible then too so a keyboard with access to a computer, etc., is an absolute must for me! Hope to see some guest posts now in the future from your wife, maybe, Suldog?

Carolina said...

Is she Amish?

;-)

Shrinky said...

Ut-oh, watch out Sully, this is how I started out - she's gonna' be up and blogging before you know it..

(Best buy a second 'puter, things could get scary!)

Maggie May said...

Tell her welcome to the world of technology. Good for her.
Had to chuckle at the email. She will have to start a blog now.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Heidi Olivia Tan said...

Could not refrain from adding my encouragement to YOUR WIFE to come join the online community.
And I agree with Daryl - the fastest way for you is to get a wireless connection so you don't have to fuss with too big a learning curve.
So that the rest of us could have the more immediate pleasure of YOUR WIFE's distinctive voice of humor and patience (refer to http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com/2011/10/re-incarnation.html) instead of waiting 3 to 4 months for you to mess around with internet connections et al.

SueAnn said...

Yes! It is time to get internet in your home! Way past time for sure!
And tell your wife my bathroom is very clean...she would have no worries here!
Go for cable by the way...no dial up
Hugs
SueAnn

Shammickite said...

I think you should encourage YOUR WIFE to have a blog, I'd love to know the other side of some of your stories. But perhaps she should master email first. I bet she knows how to work a cell phone though.

Joan said...

You guys are great!

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Call your local Internet provider and set up service, then buy a router. It couldn't be easier.

I'd tell you to go through your cell phone company but then I remembered you don't have one of those, either.

Welcome to the future, my friend.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Bravo Mrs Suldog. Welcome into 21st Century. Mrs Bluelights will not have a mobile phone (cellpone I think you call it). Your wife is very witty as well LOL

Red Hamster said...

Good for YOUR WIFE! I'm already loving her clever comment "Using a computer at the library is like using the bathroom in somebody else's house."

I bet you two would make a good dual blog team, if there is such a thing...if not, you could invent it.

silly rabbit said...

Ha! That exchange it priceless! Yay for YOUR WIFE!
I had a computer long before I had home internet. Now I can't live without it. But it really is easy once you decide which service you want to use. I'm a wireless person. I use Comcast as my service. And Firefox as my gate to the net.
Maybe instead of asking for advice, just ask what other people you know use and what they do or don't like about it. Then make up your own mind.

Suldog said...

Shammickite Sayeth:

"I bet she knows how to work a cell phone though."

Nope. Neither one of us has ever owned a cell. And we have no plans on changing that. Hideous things (useful in an emergency, though, I'll grant that.)

Matt Conlon said...

You know, I find it infinitely amusing that you are a very accomplished blogger, who does not, and would rather not, have a home internet connection.

It's almost like bring a landscaper and having no yard.

And to add to the sentiments here in the peanut gallery, I too hope to one day be reading at SulWIFE.blogspot.com.

IT (aka Ivan Toblog) said...

Tell YOUR WIFE for me, there are already enough bloggers. We need more followers. The kind who will come back every day and look at a blog even when there are no new posts.

Steve Bailey said...

She is funny!!!! Tell the truth.... she is the actual writer of this blog isn't she?

Jenn Flynn-Shon said...

Yea for YOUR WIFE! You can be sure to tell her she's doing awesome for being a newbie. My dad has had an email for about 3 years and I only get messages like "great series go cards love t&p" and know it took him 10 minutes to type it ;-) 21st century welcomes all those ready to give it a try though and its better than not hearing from him at all of course.

The dentist...shudder...

nick said...

You are indeed wise to never reveal you wife's identity - she would need to go into witness protection :)

SEO said...

Legacy Laptops with Windows 95 or DOS for sale. With serial port, floppy and hard drive.