Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Oh, wait. That's Blog Of Note. Whatever. I'm always pleased to be singled out for honors and commendations, no matter how insincere, so I'd like to take this opportunity to thank those who made this gimcrackery possible. As with the artwork above, all that follows will be fuzzy and not-quite-right in some undefined way.
First, my humble thanks to my parents. They both encouraged me to read, and I suspect they're both pleased that it led to writing. Well, one of them, anyway. My Dad is dead, and he probably doesn't care as much as he used to. My Mom, bless her, taught me my alphabet before I even went to kindergarten, so she has herself to blame for every embarrassing thing I've said here and for which she has probably blushed in front of her friends, if she still has any.
I'd like to thank MY WIFE. She suggested I start a blog. At the time, I didn't even know what a blog was. It sounded unsavory. Much to her surprise, this one turned out to be just that. The fact that I've taken great pains to hide her true identity should have let her know by now how much I love her, since I've never been reticent about hiding the identity of anyone else when I could get a cheap laugh and ruin their life.
My sincerest thanks to Magazine Man, who is ten times the writer I am. Maybe a hundred times the writer I am, come to think of it, as he's been published, over and over, while the only money I've ever earned from writing came some 20+ years ago when I was paid $8.25 an hour to write an office supplies catalog, and I ended up putting all of that, and more besides, up my nose, so it's probably a good thing I'm not making any money now because otherwise I'd probably be dead, which may or may not have been a benefit for the world at large if it had occurred, so... Hmmmmmmmm. I think I had a point when I began that sentence, but not now. Anyway, MM hasn't written a new blog post since over a month ago, so he no doubt had some inkling of my pending glorification and hightailed it out of town before he could get any of the blame.
I couldn't let this opportunity pass without saying "Hi" to my swell pal, Cricket. When others were telling me I didn't know the difference between a dipthong and a gerund, he assured me that all I had to do was look in the mirror to see one and the other didn't matter.
No acceptance speech, or whatever this is, would be complete without my telling Knucklehead that the Yankees, Jets, Lakers, and Kings, all suck big wet donkey.
Finally - which means the rest of you can stop worrying - I'd like to thank Lime and Buck and Michelle and Ananda and Stu and Hilary and Thimbelle and Twinks and Daryl. They've all been featured on my sidebar for some time now and haven't been ashamed enough to ask to be removed. It's puzzling, but nice.
Oh, and Eddie Bluelights, just because nobody else I can think of would have taken a bashing like I gave him and been a good enough sport to laugh at being called a cross-dressing duck fucker.
[*Jim now inserts self-aggrandizing plug disguised as sincere thank you*]
Oh! And I see he's featuring me in his roast again this Sunday! Yay! I don't deserve it, but Eddie is such a nice fellow, especially if you supply the orange sauce.
Finally, I'd like to thank Blogger. If it wasn't for them, I'd be doing something worthwhile and making a few bucks. Which, by the by, raises a question: There isn't any cash award attached to this, is there? I'd hate to think I just blew it by transgressing some sort of morality clause. However, it was Eddie. I couldn't help it.
To anyone I failed to mention, consider yourself blessed.
Soon, with more better stuff.