Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ginger Or Mary Ann?


I know. I linked this old piece from yesterday's new piece, and anyone who was really interested in reading it probably already did so. I think it's important to put it out here, though, if only as a warning. You should be aware that I could take every single one of those little meaningless choices from yesterday and go on about them for 1,500 words each. Being aware of that, you should then get down on your knees and thank God that this is the only example of that - so far.

If I get any more comments like this one from yesterday...

Ex-Shammickite said...

Is there an actual point to this? If so, then I'm missing it.


... I will deluge this blog with vapid dissertations (and I'm willing to bet that's the first time in history that sentence has ever been written.)

So, without any further ado - but a "duh!" and a "doi!" are pretty much guaranteed, as well as a healthy smattering of "D'oh!"s - here is...

GINGER OR MARY ANN


This is the question which has plagued adolescent boys, and the men who think like them, since time immemorial (that is, 1964.) I personally feel that it's no contest. Mary Ann was warm and caring, could make 67 different main dishes out of coconuts, and had a killer bod. Ginger had the killer bod, of course, but she couldn't cook and she was a tease. What's to argue? Mary Ann, hands down.

Oh, right. This isn't a question about who you'd like to marry, buy a house in the suburbs, raise kids and make mortgage payments with. This is about who you'd like to screw.

It's still Mary Ann.

However, what if your goal is to be a layabout who never does a lick of work in his life, doesn't want kids, would rather live in Beverly Hills and never make a mortgage payment? I guess you'd have to choose Ginger. She could support your lazy ass making B-grade movies and appearing on the next incarnation of "The Love Boat". But you'd still have to put up with Ginger. I bet she fakes it, every time. And I don't think the drapes and rug match, if you know what I mean. Besides, what makes you think she'd put up with you? It's still Mary Ann, even if it means working for a living.

There is a similar question, but slightly wierder.

Wilma or Betty?

OK, I know we're talking about cartoon characters, but these are two sexy little animation cels, eh? Either one is pretty decent, but I'd have to go with Betty. She seems slightly less liable to brain you with a brontosaurus bone. She has also proven that she doesn't care about looks, because she married Barney Rubble. Yeah, I know, Fred wasn't the prehistoric Antonio Banderas, but Barney was, what, four-foot-three? And his eyes had no pupils.

It just occurs to me (yes, it just occurs to me, after 40+ years of considering this question) that both of these women are married! Ah, who gives a damn? It's freakin' Bedrock. If I showed up there, my name would be Jim Sullystone and I'd be showering by having a mastodon blow water out it's nose onto me.

Something else occurs to me. There aren't any female equivalents to these questions, are there? There aren't bunches of women debating the ecstasies of Gilligan versus The Professor. This is strictly male territory. And STRAIGHT male territory, at that. I have the feeling that most women would choose Thurston Howell III, and not for the same reasons that I'd pick Mary Ann. Most gay men would probably just be shaking their heads and saying, "How sad..."

This is because straight guys fantasize about cartoon women. That is pretty damned sad, isn't it...

OK - next question: Marge Simpson or Olive Oyl? Marge has the better body, but Olive doesn't have blue hair. Then again, blue hair could be a turn on...

16 comments:

Hilary said...

I don't get it.. is there an actual point to this? ;) (Sneaking out the door quickly before Sullystone tosses rocks at me)

mlh said...

Wow! Guys fantasize about cartoon characters. Um...in the dream, are you animated also? I'm only asking because I've noticed that cartoon guys aren't really "constructed" well to turn a lady on...except for Ned Flanders. When he rips off his shirt to show those bulging pecs...yum!

How sad I had to ask that question. I don't know what is wrong with me today...

Sandra Ree said...

What did I miss? Two posts back to back. And it wasn't even about sports!

For the very first time since I've started blogging this year, I got lost in a blog. lol I was going back and forth back and forth, looking at old posts, videos, oldER posts, and then I couldn't find my way back!

The only that comes to mind in response about yesterday's post and today... I can't recall the name of the group that sang this song but the video had a girl on it that drew the lead singer in the band on a napkin and then she somehow joined him in the black and white drawing...the guy was pretty cute as a drawing.

I don't know...

~Fathairybastard~ said...

Easy peasy:

Mary MaryAnne and secretly boff Ginger. Tell the bitch you're a Broadway producer and she'll suck your dick like a lolly pop for hours on end.

As far as the cartoon chicks are concerned, my onanistic interests never went towards animation. Too much live action shit goin' on, what with shit like Charley's Angels and Wonder Woman on TV and all.

Having said that, Wilma's a whore, fer sure. Bend her over that car hood on a starry night at the drive-in and you'll see paradise.

I'm just sayin'.

Ex-Shammickite said...

Hooray for Hilary...it takes another Canadian to tell it like it really is....

Suldog said...

Hilary - Well, see, with you looking at me with those big innocent eyes, I know you actually mean no har...

(*tosses rock*)

Drat! You're too quick!

MLH - No, we're not animated. The women are... I was going to say more real, but, no, they're still animated. I think I made the point that it was sad? Yes, I did.

SR - You need only tap your heels together and say "Thete's no place like home! There's no place like home!"

FHB - Would I do that to Mary Ann? No, I wouldn't. However, maybe if Mary Ann tells Ginger that she's a Broadway producer, she'll let me watch. That could be fun.

Ex - You're Canadian? And so is Hilary? Well, that explains a lot.

Oh, wait a minute. I knew that. It explains nothing.

Chuck said...

I don't want to have to choose. I want to have lots of menage fun.

Buck said...

Well, now. This post confused the livin' HELL out of me for a moment (which isn't all that hard to do, come to think on it). I knew I'd read this yesterday, but was wondering "where did my comment go?"

And then... the "D'Oh!" moment struck.

Sheesh.

FWIW... I'm a Mary Ann kinda guy, too.

Chucka Stone Designs said...

After reading all of your this or that's on the last post I am ammused that the choices you decided to address were the choices between the ladies. I thought for sure you might expand on Tidy Bowl or 2000 Flushes.

Women get jack. Actually, no there isn't even a Jack, as you pointed out. We get: Flash Gordon or Wolverine? Family Guy or Homer Simpson? Vanity or Brainy? Buck Rogers or Ralph Hinkley (Greatest American Hero)?

I knew you'd be a Mary Ann kind of guy.

Chucka Stone Designs said...

Oh & sandra ree that was Aha Take on Me

Chris Stone said...

okay we've established your WIFE is a brunette... lol! hilary's got my vote!

oh. inspired by your recent portraits i've posted a self portrait of my own. *sniffs and looks dignified.*

Twinks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lime said...

i am quite relieved to know you made the right choices for the right reasons here.

and if you've had a chance to peruse my set of answers to your choices you already know i've gone for barney rubble and the professor. why?

well barney may only be 4'3" but he isn't the surly SOB fred can be. he's pleasant, funny, loyal, and though not bedrock's brightest citizen he is decent. fred needs braining with a brontosaurus bone.

thurston howell probably hasn't gotten it up in years. the skipper is not nice to gilligan who has absolutely no meat on his bones and i'd probably break in half. that leaves the professor who at least can carry a conversation and make "acetyl salicylic acid" sound like a come on. also, even though he may not be able to fix the boat i bet if he ever had ED problems he'd discover viagra like compounds in coconuts.

clearly i have a propensity for vapid dissertation aas well. frightening, no?

Twinkie said...

Wow. Sully, you have wayy too much time on your hands.... Seriously. :-)

AliP said...

PROFESSOR. Gilligan was afriend type guy but the Professor was smart and had those rugged good looks.
Ok ok,....NOW: Catwoman or Wonder Woman?
Superman or Batman?
Aaaaaaaand Go....

Michael Martin said...

Congrats on the link from Copyblogger.

Its one of the sites I read over here in San Diego and couldnt believe they had a Sully quote attributed in there.

How is softball in Boston?

I dont think I ever had a softball game here cancelled for weather since I been here.

,Michael Martin
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