Friday, March 28, 2008

A Post In Which I Either Prove My Fecundity Or Disprove It With Extreme Prejudice

I've been particularly fecund lately. I apologize.

(Actually, being fecund is not something one needs to apologize for, but it sure sounds like it should be.)

(That opening has nothing to do with what follows. I just felt like saying "fecund". How often does one have a chance to say "fecund"? Of course, if I really was fecund, I'd have lots and lots of chances.)

(Come to think of it, the preceding has everything to do with what follows. For instance...)

(Here's another parenthetical expression for no good reason.)

Having said all of the above, and without further ado - because I surely did and there's no conceivable reason why you'd want more of it - I want to make it abundantly clear that I truly enjoyed being honored by CrazyCath yesterday. I had lots of fun at her expense, but she seems to have taken it in the manner in which it was intended; that is, to make fun of her wonderful generosity and then drive her to tears.

No, that's not totally honest. The tears were a bonus!

(I'm digging myself a hole here. That's OK. It will go well with the other thousand or so I've dug. Anyway, I have a stepladder.)

Actually, I've noticed something interesting concerning my readership. Many of my newer readers are either from The British Isles or have Multiple Sclerosis. My only explanation for this phenomenon is that the drugs they give you for MS must somehow make you amenable to my blandishments.

("Blandishments" is another word you don't get to use too often. Of course, blandishments often lead to fecundity.)

The drug theory espoused above...

(Espousal is sometimes a cause of fecundity, but not as often as it used to be, especially in Massachusetts.)

As I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself: The drug theory espoused above in no way explains the folks from Britain. Of course, little does.

(Let's recount what has thus far transpired: Over the past few days, I've totally dissed the entire populations of Oakland and Great Britain; offended a nice person who was kind enough to give me an award; made a veiled accusation that people afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis might be addled by their drugs; and tossed off an oblique reference to the reproductive non-productivity of gay marriage.)

("Oblique" is another good word. Not as good as "Oblivious", nor as apropos, but still good.)

("Apropos" is a nice one, too, although not as fecund as "blandishments".)

(My blandishments are often obliquely apropos and obliviously fecund.)

My! You've actually made it this far without suffering an aneurysm? That is mighty impressive, especially for a gay MS patient from Great Britain or possibly Oakland. Will you marry me?

(I threw that in just so you'd know I don't have anything against gay people. I'm already married, so it was a bogus offer.)

You may by now have gathered that I'm completely out of things to say. If not, you're pretty dense. Of course, I had nothing to say right from the start of this, but I was on such a roll this week, I thought I'd see if I could just wing it and come up with something decent. It appears not.

Have a great fecund weekend.

29 comments:

Buck said...

Have a great fecund weekend.

Ah, would that I could. Still... I might get lucky. Stranger things have happened. But not lately.

CrazyCath said...

I had to open a dictionary for that post! What you trying to do? MAKE me think?

I have indeed taken your hole digging in the manner it was intended. And if you continue to dig you might get out the other side and be able to breathe fecund air again one day.

"especially for a gay MS patient from Great Britain or possibly Oakland. Will you marry me?"

I always wondered what was wrong with me. Now I know. Thank you. I can't marry you. Apparently I am married already. Anyway, the fluffy white cloud has no room for any more. And it's my world there so what I say goes.

You winged it just great. Better than I could do. ;0)

Ghazala Khan said...

Hello Dear and Respected,
I hope you are fine and carrying on the great work you have been doing for the Internet surfers. I am Ghazala Khan from The Pakistani Spectator (TPS), We at TPS throw a candid look on everything happening in and for Pakistan in the world. We are trying to contribute our humble share in the webosphere. Our aim is to foster peace, progress and harmony with passion.

We at TPS are carrying out a new series of interviews with the notable passionate bloggers, writers, and webmasters. In that regard, we would like to interview you, if you don't mind. Please send us your approval for your interview at my email address "ghazala.khi at gmail.com", so that I could send you the Interview questions. We would be extremely grateful.

regards.

Ghazala Khan
The Pakistani Spectator
http://www.pakspectator.com

David Sullivan said...

You are a fucking mess...get it...mess...ha,ha,ha

David Sullivan said...

I meant to say fecund mess...haa,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha, oh I crack myself up

Suldog said...

Hey, I don't care what any of you have to say. The Pakistani Spectator wants to interview me. The big time is just around the corner!

BurningSky said...

Hey, you are a pretty hilarious guy. Thanks for reading my blog, I'm going to go ahead and link you..:-)

Sharfa said...

You are a soft as a sneakerful, my friend.

Your convivial badinage causes painful cachinnation!

lime said...

what HAVE you been smoking? oh and now it looks like you have a great opportunity to dig holes in pakistan too1 i'm so excited for you and can't wait to see what yo udo with that! bwahahaha

Minnesotablue said...

Yep, the big time is just around the corner for you. Remember all us common folks when you hit the top!!

Melinda said...

How is it possible that your posts about nothing are more entertaining than most people's posts about something?!

You reminded me of my old music teacher from high school. He used to call us all sorts of crazy names - nobody ever knew what he was talking about: "lugubrious lob worm" was his name for me - still not sure what to do with that.

Jody said...

I always confuse "fecund" with "fundus". Which one did you mean?

Janet said...

I'll be back later if I can stop laughing long enough to type some fecund blandishments. And as a new reader who is neither gay, British (although would like to be), or has MS (thank goodness), I apparently exist to prove your theory correct.

Chris Stone said...

Fun post! I sorta lost track for a bit in the middle, but I'm sure that was 'cause a cat jumped into my lap and I took my eyes off the screen for a moment... darn cat!

cheers to fecundity, mate!

Suldog said...

BurningSky - Favor returned, and thanks!

Suldog said...

Sharfa - Ooooooh. You're turning me on. Stop! I'm a married man!

Suldog said...

Lime - The problem is that I haven't been smoking anything aside from cigarettes. Once I start again, then I'll be normal.

Suldog said...

MinnesotaBlue - Common folk? Nobody who reads me and can make sense of it is common.

Suldog said...

Melinda - "Lugubrious Lob Worm" is quite the sobriquet. I don't think I can top that. If I tried, I think you might consider it sexual harassment, so I'll just leave it alone.

Suldog said...

Jody - Fundus is what many of us hope to be fecund with. Not all of us, mind you, but many of us.

Suldog said...

Janet - I'm glad you mentioned MS. Some of the folks who read this piece have no idea what I was going on about, but there really are at least four or five nice folks, who happen to also have MS, who have been reading me lately. I'm not quite sure how they found me, but I'm glad they did. And I'm pretty sure they have good senses of humor, otherwise I wouldn't have used them for a little fun here.

Suldog said...

Chris - Nothing quite like a pussy coming to you to improve your chances at fecundity.

(That's a bit lowbrow, even for me, but what the hell.)

John-Michael said...

The only man I've ever known who raises himself to dizzying heights by digging holes. Truly amazing!

Suldog said...

John-Michael - It's an optical illusion. You stack all those holes one on top of another and it appears I've risen up. What actually happened is that I burrowed through to the other side of the Earth and was lucky enough to come out on top of a hill.

Anonymous said...

I think you may want to place a facebook icon to your blog. I just bookmarked the site, although I had to make this manually. Just my $.02 :)

Absolut Ruiness said...

hey sul, i dont know why (and please dont be offended coz i dont mean it in a wrong or demeaning way) but after reading this particular posts i just imagined you grinning at the computer while writing it with your skull boneless and your brains like TOXIC PINK SPONGE...!!!! i mean, how can i see THAT! im sure the post is to blame....

Absolut Ruiness said...

hey sul, i dont know why (and please dont be offended coz i dont mean it in a wrong or demeaning way) but after reading this particular posts i just imagined you grinning at the computer while writing it with your skull boneless and your brains like TOXIC PINK SPONGE...!!!! i mean, how can i see THAT! im sure the post is to blame....

Anonymous said...

Which cartoon do you like The Simpsons or Family Guy?

Suldog said...

I abhor Family Guy. The Simpsons is the greatest TV cartoon show ever, but has mostly been dying a slow and agonizing death for the past ten or twelve years (with occasional flashes of the old brilliance.)