You Are Reading SULDOG-O-RAMA

Caution: The following blog contains graphic language and may not be suitable for all members of the family. Reader discretion is advised.


I am sick to death of the way television is being fucked up these days.

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

(Not dumbed down for the mentally impaired.)

It's not that the shows being produced and shown are all bad. Sure, some of them are hideous, but there have always been bad shows and there always will be bad shows. This generation's Wife Swap was the previous generation's Queen For A Day and the next generation's How Many Things Are You Willing To Shove Up Your Rectum To Win A Refrigerator? No, bad shows are always bad, but they are avoidable. All you have to do is change the channel or shut off the TV.

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

(Possibly available en Espanol where disponible, but I doubt it.)

Also, the good shows being made today are better than ever. A great show like House could not have been made 20 years ago. My Name Is Earl would have been unthinkable to the past generation of programmers. And Everybody Hates Chris? Get real.

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

So, the problem is not with the programming. I suppose I should end the suspense and just tell you what the problem is.

BE SURE TO READ MY BLOG TOMORROW WHEN I'LL BE TALKING ABOUT SHOPPING LISTS! DON'T FORGET! SHOPPING LISTS! TOMORROW!

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

The problem is that there is always something appearing on the screen that isn't part of the program you're watching.

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

A SPECIAL ENCORE PRESENTATION OF MY FIRST KISS IS AVAILABLE HERE!

Television today does not allow even a single moment's total suspension of disbelief. If it isn't the omnipresent network logo in the lower right corner of your screen, it is the inevitable pop-up advertisement for some other show annoyingly appearing in the lower left corner or the rating thingy that blocks out everything on the upper left or the Closed Captioned symbol on the upper right.

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

You're sitting there enjoying a good show. You're immersed in the drama of the moment. The producers of the show have done a wonderful job of creating a gripping production, transporting your mind to another world and you are wondering how the protagonist will ever resolve his dilemma.

ZOOOOOOOOM! SCREEEEEEECH! NASCAR RETURNS ON FOX IN APRIL! VROOOOOOOM!

And then the little racing car burns rubber and disappears. And so does any hope of recapturing the emotion you were feeling before its appearance.

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA.

And do I really need to be continually reminded of which network or channel I'm watching? Am I so dumb that I will forget...

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA

...if I'm not shown the logo at all times?

You are reading SULDOG-O-RAMA

Well, either you hate it as much as I do or you're utterly indifferent about it. I can't imagine that anybody with an IQ above 60 actually finds it useful, entertaining, or otherwise enjoyable in any way.

If you're like me - that is, ready to blast your TV with a shotgun the next time you see one of these pieces of crap appear on your screen - then perhaps you're willing to do what I'm going to do. I'm going to actually sit down and write a letter of complaint. Not an e-mail, because nobody pays attention to e-mail; it just gets deleted. No, an actual send-it-with-a-stamp letter. I am going to be sending something like this to every network and local TV station I can find an address for and I hope that, if you feel the same, you will also.

Dear Network:

I tremendously enjoy your show Funny Hip Gay Guy And Three Bitchily Sarcastic Women Who Can't Get A Date. However, I'm afraid I simply can't endure your pop-up advertisements. They ruin the show for me and I am infuriated every time one appears.

Do you not understand that the main idea in entertainment of this sort is for the viewer to be able to suspend his or her disbelief? There is not one fan of the show, in the entire country, who wants to have the show interrupted by anything - let alone some hideous bit of animation in the lower left corner of the screen advertising a show that will be appearing on your network tomorrow or next week. What could possibly have led you to believe that anyone finds this to be a good thing?

I am going to stop watching Funny Hip Gay Guy And Three Bitchily Sarcastic Women Who Can't Get A Date, which in turn means that I will not be seeing the actual paid advertising for which The Gigantical Multinational Corporation That Pays Your Bills has ponied up millions of dollars. If and when you stop putting infuriating crap on my screen in the middle of this show, I will gladly start watching again. Let me know if you plan to do this. Otherwise, blow me.

I have sent a copy of this letter to The Gigantical Multinational Corporation That Pays Your Bills.

Yours Most Sincerely,

Someone Who Is Probably Outside Of Your Demographic Range Anyway

(The preceding was a presentation of SULDOG-O-RAMA, the official blog of decrepit old farts who think the modern world bites the big one.)